Dealing with loneliness at Christmas

woman sitting alone at Christmas

Alone for Christmas? Loneliness can be difficult to cope with at any time of the year, but add a little forced festive cheer and, for many, it can feel pretty unbearable. With the festive season emphasising family, togetherness, and merriment, the absence of those features is painfully accentuated, especially for those experiencing chronic loneliness. If you're set to spend any part of the Christmas period alone, be comforted in the knowledge that firstly, you’re in good (lonely) company, and secondly, that there’s lots you can do to ease the feelings of difficulty. Here are our tips on how to cope with loneliness this Christmas.

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1. Remember, you're not alone in feeling lonely

“Shouldn't we be responsible for our own Christmas? Alone, or not alone, spoil yourself and make a plan for the day to be kind to yourself. Also, I think Christmas is highly overrated with all the advertising, socialising and the expectations are too high. Relax. Do your own thing and enjoy.” LRavenscroft

When December in TV land and on social media seems to be full of happy families throwing snowballs at each other and gathered around the tree in matching jim jams, it can feel like you are the only person in the world on your own. This is absolutely not the case. Try to keep in mind that up and down the country there are lots of people who, for whatever reason, are feeling isolated and aren't surrounded by friends or family at Christmas. Remember that it’s possible to feel pretty lonely even when surrounded by others, too. And that there will be many people having a thoroughly horrible time, even though they’re part of a big Christmas gang. Social media never tells the whole picture.

Even if you're on your own physically, there's no reason why you can't connect in other ways. Arrange a time in the day to have a phone call with a friend, ask if you can video chat the grandchildren, or pop in to the merry festivities of the Gransnet Christmas forum where many people will be in the same boat as you. By 7pm we guarantee there will be plenty of folk who, exhausted by the incessant cheer and bleeping of new computer games, will be very happy to escape to the bedroom with a turkey sarnie and a glass of sherry and have a grown-up catch up.

alone at christmas

2. ...but if you want to be, that's fine too

“The first Christmas after OH died I went to family for the day. Second Christmas I told my daughter I was going to spend the day with Best Friend and told my Best Friend I would be with Daughter. Simples! I just enjoyed a long walk in the afternoon, had lots of nice things from M&S to eat and watched TV all evening. I wasn't miserable, I just felt I didn't want to endure a whole day of noise and merriment , when all I wanted was a day of peace on my own, and to remember happy memories of my husband.” Kupari45

Don't feel pressured to accept invitations if you'd really just rather be by yourself, or if you feel that it's simply the more sensible option. You don’t have to rush all over the country at Christmas or battle the hoardes on Christmas Eve, and in fact, you might find that if you’re just honest about that, your friends and family will be relieved to enjoy a more laid-back festive period, too.

To stop yourself from feeling lonely our users have made a number of clever suggestions on things to do if you're alone for Christmas.

3. Get a glow from volunteering

“I know some people do volunteer work on Christmas day and say they really find it rewarding. Maybe you could combine volunteering with planning lots of nice things for yourself?” Applegran

A big part of loneliness is about feeling that you don’t ‘have a place’ and once our kids have flown the nest, it’s easy to feel as though you aren’t ‘needed’ like you once were. Now’s the time to explore other avenues for feeling useful. There are thousands of charities and local organisations all over the UK who are crying out for volunteers on Christmas Day itself and right over the festive period. As well as feeling a warm glow from helping out, you might meet other like-minded folk and also find a moment to remember to count your blessings. Volunteering can be an enriching experience, too, giving you the chance to encounter people from many different walks of life. There are even home-based volunteering roles, such as working on a telephone support helpline, if being out of the house all day feels like a step too far. Contact your local charities or religious groups, or your local volunteer coordinator, and stave off the loneliness whilst also giving something back to the community.

See here for the most up to date government guidelines on volunteering.

Meet like-minded people on Gransnet today...

4. Avoid overindulging and do something different

“Christmas is a state of mind. Think of it as a celebratory day where you can indulge yourself in whatever way you wish. I've spent the last three Christmases on my own, watched lots of rubbish TV, read books I've bought myself for Christmas, and eaten easily prepared meals that I enjoy.” Rowyn

woman beach winter

Whilst it may be tempting to simply say 'sod it' and work your way through a vat of Christmas wine and a tin of Quality Street, excessive drinking and eating will do very little to lift your mood and will only make you feel worse later on. Have a few glasses of wine (and a good handful of Green Triangles) by all means but try to mix it in with a bit of gentle exercise and fresh air, too.

Exercise absolutely doesn’t have to mean hitting the gym, however. Like the outdoors? Try going for a winter walk. Have a neighbour in the same position? Suggest they accompany you and you can have a bit of exercise and a catch-up at the same time. Sometimes it's much easier for the conversation to flow when you're actively doing something with another person and it benefits your physical health into the bargain.

Spending Christmas Day alone can also be a good time to defy expectations and do whatever you want to do, without the traditional holiday constraints. It might be the perfect time to indulge in a backlog of books and films, start a new hobby or begin a novel. And instead of worrying about what to cook for Christmas dinner, why not treat yourself to a takeaway and support a local restaurant?

Visit the NHS Walking for Health page for more information and if you're a touch more ambitious find out how you can get started with Couch to 5K, the free running plan for absolute beginners.

5. Talk it out

“I will do what I have been doing since the loss of DH. Reflecting on Christmases past, watching TV, or, if a fine day, walking to the beach,with my flask of coffee where I will no doubt find like-minded people ready to chat.” Daisend1

loneliness

Whoever said “It’s good to talk” (was it British Telecom?) wasn’t wrong. Never bottle up feelings of loneliness, as that can end up having a seriously negative impact on your mental health. If you feel lonely, even if just from time to time, talk to someone. Whether it's a counsellor, a family member or a friend, it's far better to acknowledge your feelings and understand that they are valid and real, even if nothing material changes. If you’re worried about laying the guilt on someone you know, explain that you don’t need babysitting; you just need a bit of a chat. Or perhaps see if you can think of someone else you know who might be in a similar situation and would also welcome a bit of a natter that you can speak to.

The Silver Line has a helpline that allows people who may be feeling alone to make personal connections, and The Campaign to End Loneliness has lots of information on loneliness and how to get support. And don't forget, there's a large community of supportive people to chat with here on Gransnet (some of whom will be dealing with the same feelings), especially over the Christmas period.

6. What casues loneliness?

Loneliness can have many causes including social isolation, lack of meaningful connections, major life changes such as bereavement or estrangement and mental health issues like depression and anxiety. It is important to identify the underlying causes in order to develop effective strategies for coping with loneliness. Long term loneliness can have negative impacts on mental and physical health. Prolonged feelings of isolation can lead to an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and stress. It might also increase the risk of developing dementia. It is really important to seek support and connection when experiencing long time feelings of loneliness as it can negatively impact your overall well-being. For more information, please visit the NHS website.