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Christmas ..Do you spend equal amounts on your grandchildren/step grandchildren?

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Tosh Sun 13-Nov-11 12:52:49

Hi Everyone ,
I used to be so 'grumpy' but have a new name (my Daddy's nickname for me). smile
I have 5 granchildren ...4 are eldest daughter's and 1 is youngest daughter's.
However our middle daughter has been with her partner for 6 yrs and he has 2 children from his marriage. They are 16 and 13 and lovely kids...but DD & P do not have any children of their own.
I do spend more on our ''real'' grandchildren at Christmas and I sometimes think our daughter might feel a bit hurt....but they do have 2 sets of grandparents of their own.
We (I) usually spend about £60 + on each of our GC but now there are 5 (2 born this year)...I think £30 is enough to spend on the other 2. Am I being mean.?
Anyone else in our shoes ? confused
Hope everyone is well ..thank you so much for your messages ..they meant so much when I was very low. xx

tanith Sun 13-Nov-11 12:58:44

I don't have any step grandchildren I think if I did I'd tend to spend the same on them as all the others.. at present I have 7 grandchildren that I spend roughly £30 on each but when they get to 21 present giving stops as we don't buy for adults anymore in our family it just got too expensive. One of my daughters has a boyfriend with children but at the moment I only buy them a token present I guess if they were to marry they would then become grandchildren along with the rest..

Annobel Sun 13-Nov-11 13:00:02

Hi Tosh. Good to have you with us (again). You certainly don't sound mean to me. I try not to count the cost, but just buy what I think they would like and what will outlast the Christmas season. Sometimes that involves spending more on one than the others but if they really like the gifts, no-one is keeping track - well, not yet anyway. As DGS1 is a good mathematician this could happen any time!

absentgrana Sun 13-Nov-11 13:04:52

Hi Tosh and welcome back. I don't think the amount of money spent is relevant unless there is a really obvious discrepancy. I don't have step grandchildren, but I do like to be sure that all my grandchildren have the same number of parcels to open. I don't even add up what I spend on each but would guess it works out around about the same. One might do better one year and then have less spent on him/her the next. I think the trick is to give presents that the children will like and which make them happy. I don't recall estimating the cost of presents given to me or my family, so I don't expect other people to do so either.

Oldgreymare Sun 13-Nov-11 13:06:54

Yippee! (You know what I mean!!!wink.
Presents are such a dilema! After GS was so rude to his GD recently, I have gone off the idea of spending as much as we usually do. The boy is thoroughly indulged anyway and presents(note plural) from his parents are of the expensive variety ( Laptop etc).
I may announce that this is the year we 'cut-back' and buy smaller presents all round!
Not in your shoes, so unable to comment! But we Grans and GDs do need to watch the pennies at the mo'
Hugs grin

Grannylin Sun 13-Nov-11 13:09:31

I think £30 is very generous and £60 extremely generous but as Annobel says it all depends on how it makes you feel to give. I have the problem of two married sons with children and two unmarried daughters without, Do I give the daughters more for themselves?Tosh so glad you are here and have stopped being grumpy!

absentgrana Sun 13-Nov-11 13:31:53

I like Tosh. It's much better than when my father stared at me blankly when I was playing cards with my parents and sister and said, "It's er er Doing's turn to deal".

nanachrissy Sun 13-Nov-11 13:39:15

Hello Tosh and welcome wink. I have 3 gds and a stepgs. I give them money for birthdays and Christmas as they have so many "things" that I wouldn't know where to start buying gifts. I always give the same amounts, but now there are 4 it will be £30 each from now on. I don't think it really matters too much if one gets a bit more sometimes. smile (So glad you're back xx)

greenmossgiel Sun 13-Nov-11 13:43:31

Grumpiness has faded away and now I hope we have a lot of Tosh! I have 2 granddaughters (20 and 21) and I will definitely cut back on the amount I put out on their presents this year. I also have a granddaughter who will be 12 a few days before Christmas, and her mum is adamant that she has a few presents only, and which mustn't be expensive. I take her to the pantomime (she still wants to go again this year!) with her friend and make this part of her birthday present. My great-grandson who will be 18 months old by then will have a token toy and something to wear, with money for his bank. I think In total, they may have an average of about £35-£40 spent on them. Of course there are the boyfriends to consider, too....but I think a small present would do for them as well. smile

tanith Sun 13-Nov-11 13:56:35

That is the problem once our Grandchildren grow up and get partners it just all got too much as I hate choosing gifts anyway so I give the youngest grandaughter who is 7 presents and the other 4 under 21 get money and the over 21's get a token box of chocs for them and their current partner... they seem to chop and change with the wind...lol... as my eldest grandson said to me when I prompted him to not buy us presents, "grandma you've been buying me pressies for 24yrs now its my turn to spoil you". He's getting married next year , I can't believe I just typed that.. seems like yesterday I was filling a Christmas stocking with treats and sweets... how the time flies

tanith Sun 13-Nov-11 13:57:12

Oh welcome Tosh {wink} nice to meet with you

Granny23 Sun 13-Nov-11 14:05:50

I have 3 DGC, and my sister's 3 DGC that I buy for. All are 6 and under except 16yo step-Gtnephew. Obviously the DGC have several presents each. My sister and I have an agreement of no more than £15 for the nephews & neices and shop together to make sure there is no duplication. Our 16yo will have approx the same spent on him - this year, after consultation with his mum, he will have Lynx toiletries from us.

Greatnan Sun 13-Nov-11 15:01:49

I have ten grandchildren and four great-grandchildren and even at £25 each for birthdays and Christmas, it was getting just too expensive, so now they know that I don't buy for anybody working or with children of their own.

My daughter married for the second time when she had four children (her husband is eight years her junior, and is only 12 years older than his eldest step-son). They now have two more children. I am so glad to say that my SIL is a wonderful father to all of them, and his family accepted them on equal terms with their blood grandchidren. The wedding was lovely, beaming faces on both sides. However, her in-laws did live close and saw the children every day, so I don't know how it would have worked if they had been further away.

My own in-laws were truly horrible people- when my BIL married a young widow with little girls of 4 and 2, they made it clear that they would not regard them as grandchildren, and even tried to get advice as to how to word their wills so the DIL and her children would not benefit.

glammanana Sun 13-Nov-11 15:36:10

I have seven grandchildren 5 boys and 2 girls the boys range from 8-21 so they are not so bad to buy for but the girls give me a major headache every year,I tend to buy all during the year when I see something to suit and pop into the xmas box and I have had some new purchase's from charity shop's that I have picked up on my travels.Mostly I think I spend about £30.00 on each child but with little extra's ie: girly bits and aftershave for bigger one's it goes over that amount most years.I also have 3 birthday's either side of xmas day so we look for money or gift vouchers for those now they are bigger and off they go to the sale's at New Year.

numberplease Sun 13-Nov-11 16:43:29

We have 7 grandchildren, and 2 step grandchildren, a girl and a boy. We usually spend around £35 on each grandchild, but the eldest we hardly ever see, he`s grown up away from us and his dad, and I don`t think he`s all that bothered about us really, so we spend about £20-25 on him, is that mean of us? The 2 step grandkids are the children of second daughter`s second husband, and we didn`t really know them very well, and we spent £10 on each of them, they were 11 and 13 when we first met them. However, they`re both adults and working now, and we don`t see them at all now, so have discontinued their presents, we just send them cards now. We still tend to spend about £20 on each of our kids and their partners, be they married or not, except for the eldest who`s still at home, we spend between £60 and £70 on her, as she`s always very generous to us and everyone else. But as finances get tighter as we get older, we may have to stop and just buy for the grandkids and eldest daughter.

numberplease Sun 13-Nov-11 16:44:24

Oh, sorry Tosh, I meant to say welcome, nice to see you again!

Ariadne Sun 13-Nov-11 17:17:53

grin Tosh!

sheila5021 Sun 13-Nov-11 17:48:32

I have three grandchildren and three step grandchildren and have always spent the same on them all. This Christmas we will be spending approx £20-£25 on each but we like to make sure the gifts are something they really want and will not be thrown out with the wrapping paper!

numberplease Sun 13-Nov-11 18:00:37

Actually, this year, apart from the very littlest one, 3 and a half, they`re all getting money, then they can buy something that they definitely want.

Jacey Sun 13-Nov-11 18:09:00

Welcome {back} Tosh winecupcakethanks smile

I always tried to be scrupiously {sp?} even handed with them all ...especially as quite a large age range ..same with birthdays. Eventually swapped to giving them money ...eventually in form of a gift card ...so it didn't immediately get spent on a night out with their friends.

But would then have to remember how much I'd actually given to the one whose birthday came first ...so the one at the end of the year got exactly the same hmm

riclorian Mon 14-Nov-11 13:36:27

In our family , Grandfather gives a cheque of £35 to our 3 children ,and 5 older G'children the 2 younger g'children, I step g'daughter and 2 gg'children have a present . Somehow Father Xmas manages to get in and leave a small present for all to open !! I am sure thatwith the current financial situ. these sums will not be increased in the near future--- if ever !!

harrigran Mon 14-Nov-11 14:02:37

No you are not being mean Tosh , very nice to hear from you smile

mrshat Mon 14-Nov-11 20:42:16

Welcome (again) Tosh. We just have 2 GDs and then 2 DDs and their husbands. This year is a real struggle. Both DDs have birthdays near Christmas so it is a very expensive time of year for us. I have cut back on gifts for colleagues and friends this year and extended family. The GDs have about £60 - £70 spent on them but this will change next year (to less!!!). The DDs and SiLs have been warned that next year will be different. I think the whole 'present' thing has got out of hand. I would be happy just to spend time in their company but they don't seem to 'get' that! sad

Carol Mon 14-Nov-11 21:23:00

I spend different amounts at different times of year and it all equals out over time. If I'm spending a lot of money on one or two grandchildren (four of them are two sets of twins) I'll be spending lots of time and energy on others and vice versa. Some years they get big items for birthdays or Christmas, and other years a few small things - it all depends on what they want and need. The main thing is that they don't feel any child gets more of my time, love and energy than others.

greenmossgiel Mon 14-Nov-11 21:41:09

My granddaughter (21) told me tonight that all she wants from me is a hand-knitted cardigan and a box of Turkish Delight! I'd always given her lots of little things (which amounted to quite a bit), and the same for her sister, who has her own little boy now. I think that they've grown up a lot this year! Today, though, I did buy a much-needed new buggy for my great-grandson. This will be considered his Christmas present from us, and he will no doubt get lots of toys etc from other family members. Must get on with knitting that cardigan......!smile

Annobel Mon 14-Nov-11 21:51:53

Glad you said that, Carol, because I don't allocate specified sums to each member of my family. Appropriateness is the criterion I use. As birthdays are spread across the year, it's easier to buy the big presents then and give interesting but less expensive gifts for Christmas. I like choosing and they like receiving books. Lego is a big hit with all of them, and my GD2 likes anything creative.

Oldgreymare Tue 15-Nov-11 08:32:23

Our presents to GC were always placed under the tree, supposedly delivered by FC, along with those from all the family.This made a huge pile which almost filled the lounge. The GC were overwhelmed when they were tiny and I'm sure didn't realise who had really given them.
Sad old me would have liked the children to know that we had given them their presies!

GoldenGran Tue 15-Nov-11 09:28:57

Hello Tosh, how lovely to see you on here.I am a step daughter, and my step mother and Father did and spent a lot less for myself and my sister, now I look back on it,, b ut it really didn,t matter at the time. It's not how much, it's the time you put in to choose something. I now have a step son and a step daughter in law(can be very tricky) and a dear little step GD, they are my husband's family and we treat them like everyone else.I don't think your daughter will be upset as long as you handle it all sensitively,which I 'm sure you do. I have a daughter with no children and she has two grown up step children. I do sometimes think that I give more of my time and attention to other DD as she has two small children and I'm a hands on Granny, so I have to make an effort to make sure I see her and am in touch regularly. Family life is complicated in this day and age, and all you can do is your very best and no more! Oh , and £30 pounds is fine, they doon't know how much everything is.smile

kittylester Tue 15-Nov-11 10:55:12

We have two "step" grandsons (although our son and his partner aren't married) who we treat just the same as our "real" grandchildren. Our son treats them as his children (and is a much better father than their own!) so we do too.

maxgran Tue 15-Nov-11 15:23:01

I try to get things for each child that I know they will like. I don't try to make up the cost for each to be the same.
My eldest grandchild usually gets most spent on him because he is a teenager and the things he likes are more expensive.

GrannyTunnocks Tue 15-Nov-11 23:07:34

I treat step grandson exactly the same as other grandchildren. I spend £30-£40 on each. However we decided this year to cut out presents for our children and husband, wife.

maxgran Wed 16-Nov-11 09:43:49

Granny Tunnocks,.. We are considering cutting out the presents for adults this year or at least just buy small token gifts. Over the years it has got much too expensive !

harrigran Wed 16-Nov-11 15:15:03

We stopped buying for the adults last year, it was not only the expense but I had completely run out of ideas. DC's hobbies are extremely expensive ones and buying anything related would involve specialist websites. I usually take whole family out to lunch on Christmas day and that in itself is expensive but at least I don't end up with all the shopping, preparation and washing up.

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