scolding grown-up sons

Does he realise that you've paid for it? Being a man [sorry men] your other son may have just handed it over without pointing out that it was from you and the email might resolve that. You could also say that your DH is really looking forward to getting an email from the children.

Yes, but more in sorrow than in anger. Then he is more inclined to be sorry than annoyed. Good luck.

TriciaF I agree with Tegan men are hopeless at passing on messages, so as she says your son probably just handed the laptop over in a "there you go" kind of way, without giving a second thought to say "this is a present from mum" or "mum and dad sent this for the children" or whatever.

I really wouldn't make a "thing" out of it at all but next time (and you may have to wait a while) you do speak just gently slip in "oh by the way, I hope you found the gift I sent over useful" . Men eh?

Does he pick up or reply to emails quickly?
How often does he stay in touch with others in the family?

Thanks for the replies. Just had an email from J who says he had told G to let us know that he'd got it safely. So we'll wait and see. There's a bit of brotherly rivalry there too.
Soontobe - G usually replies to emails. He's not good at keeping in touch with any of us, not just me and DH (who is his step-father.)
I'll back off now.

As a general point I don't think it does to scold grown-up children.
They are grown up, not children.
I try to speak to mine with the same consideration as I would my best friends - and it would take a great deal to make me tell any of them off!

If you go into annoyed parent mode, a grown up child might well respond by going into petulant, defiant adolescent mode, something I'm sure no one has any wish to revisit.

tricia I hope you hear from G soon

I saved my scolding for something really important and the fact that it was something I never did meant it had an immediate effect. I didn't get angry, just pointed out that there was a situation that was causing me a lot of heartache. Sometimes men do need their mum to give them a female perspective on things. I do struggle with the realisation that my children are now adult professional people with children of their own [#howdidthathappen?]

I do!
Everyone needs to be kept on the straight and narrow.
I get told off occasionally by my mum, and good job too.
Partners and spouses dont know everything.

Absolutely Tegan.

I wasn't implying that we shouldn't have conversations with our adult children, or that we shouldn't raise concerns with them.
But 'scold' implies exerting authority and implies anger too - we don't have authority over grownup children, and if our behaviour suggests that we think we do, it's bound to have a negative reaction from the DCs.

Totally agree about the world scolding, jane. With me I think it was more a case of me uncharaceristically suddenly becoming very serious and doing a sort of 'I'm about to say something and I want you to listen carefully'. I also think that there's often a time and place to say something, even if it's sometimes a long time after an event and you can slip something into a conversation in such a way that isn't confrontational.

Yes, I don't think I should have used the word "scolding", more like pointing out what I would like them to do.
But I tend to forget that they're leading completely separate lives from us now.
In this current situation the root of it is that G and DH never got on, G always resented him, and although there's a sort of truce now, I feel it could blow up again at any time. DH more or less brought them up from young childhood to adulthood, their Dad was never very interested.

Hooray! Just got an email from G to say the children are thrilled and thankyou very much .
So it's just me being a worrier thanks for listening to me!

Yeah!

tricia

Tricia I feel your pleasure and fully understand

Oh good - glad they are enjoying your gift.