Can't believe my DD

nina I can't begin to understand how you must feel, what an awful shock.
Has DD really thought this through?
Either way, it's going to be a very difficult time for you al.
((Hugs)) and hope things work out for the best x

Can the father refuse to let his son move to Scotland?

When DD moved back here from Northern Ireland because her marriage broke up the DGSs father moved heaven and earth to prevent her bringing them but he had to give in eventually as he had no legal right to prevent her.

How dreadful for you nina. Not wishing to pry, but have you talked to your daughter about it or did she just announce it? I despair of them sometimes, I really do. Mine included.

DD says because he has joint parental responsibility, he can. I don't know.
He has Apparently consulted a solicitor but quiet frankly we take everything he says with a pinch of salt !

Yes, KatyK we have talked and she knows my feelings believe me but I have never been one to interfere. In the end as I told her "It's her life"

They plan to come back after a year of hard saving. She will then be 'the weekend parent' The father has said that DH and I will be able to see the boys when ever we want.

It seems it isn't so much an issue of what the father wants (and I don't think he can prevent your daughter and partner moving within the same country) as what your daughter has decided is best.

Without knowing the people involved - and exactly why your daughter has agreed to this - it's difficult to express an opinion about it. Perhaps she genuinely feels it would be wrong to uproot her children and take them away from their father - and presumably she is thinking that they will be away from you as well.

I suppose it will be some consolation to you that the boys will remain near you and you will be able to keep an eye on what is happening.

Do you mean that both boys cry when they are back with their mum? But not when they are with their dad?

Oh dear Nina, you must be really concerned about this. I don't know what you can do except be there for everyone, again! (((hugs)))

He is simply using the children as pawns in a power game. Which he seems to be winning. She should get advice abou the legalities of the situation. Those poor children are going to end up very confused.

Nina

I fully empathise with your situation.

How horrid for you and a shock. Do you think she will really be able to hand them over?

Could she be playing a game with him to put his money we here his mouth is so to speak and become a full time dad?

There is always something that shatters our life isn't there, so difficult as loving grandparents to cope sometimes.

POGS Your right, there is an eminent of letting him step up and be a full-time dad.
I have witnessed the excitement when he collects them and the screaming tantrums from the 6 yr old when he hands them back because he wants to stay with his dad. He is definitely a daddies boy. Although he is fond of DD's partner and he is very good with them.

element

Do you think that she is underestimating the love the boys have for her?
[I dont know if there is any backstory to this].

You must be very worried - I am so sorry. I know that I could never have done that - and I expect that this is what you are feeling, and that makes it very hard for you.

Take consolation from the fact that the boys will be near you and your DH, and you can provide a stable element of continuity for them.

What a difficult situation.

This is so difficult for all but it seems to me your DD is giving in too easily so perhaps short term it is what she wants.I'm sorry if that is harsh but I think that is what you fear.

She does feel that the oldest one loves his dad more than her. She has said in the past that she doesn't think the older one would miss her. The father has never attended any medical appointments,( both boys have medical problems) never been to parents evening etc. To be honest I can understand why she thinks like that. I've tried to convince her otherwise but from her son's behaviour it's hard.
The 3 yr old is happy with either of them.

She does feel that the oldest one loves his dad more than her. She has said in the past that she doesn't think the older one would miss her. The father has never attended any medical appointments,( both boys have medical problems) never been to parents evening etc. To be honest I can understand why she thinks like that. I've tried to convince her otherwise but from her son's behaviour it's hard.
The 3 yr old is happy with either of them.

Oops, sorry

Don't GP's always suffer most in a situation like this because we are powerless to do anything. We just have to agree with what has been decided and weep inside for the children. nina

annsixty not harsh, your very perceptive.

Nina As the GC have medical problems, maybe it is better for them to have the continuity of their known doctors etc. if your dd is only planning on being away for a year.

She is wrong to think that the older child wouldnt miss her.

The boys would be better off with their father IMO. They cry when brought home to their mother, which must mean something. Their mother seems happy enough to leave them behind. They are both equal parents to the boys. If they can't be with both of them, and they obviously can't, why not let them live with their dad? You say he has never been much of a father to them. Perhaps this is the chance he needs.

Boys probably need a father more than a mother anyway.

Poor kids.

Are there any other grandparents around?