New here. Hello. Would appreciate help

Welcome Summermary.
This is a good place to get your worries off your chest. I am not able to help with the situation personally, but we are all listening.

daughter needs to record all the times she has offered access and it has been refused.

also keep reporting any threats to the police. (if they are serious enough, ie voiolence or taking child and not returning)

try and keep communication to email only and save on several devices. (computer, memory stick, etc)

Appreciate your replies. It is so good to be able to talk to people who listen and who may have experienced similar.

My daughter has rarely refused access, but you can almost guarantee that the ex's mother will retaliate immediately if she can't have him with threats of Court. Ex's mum is now threatening that her son will be going to Court to take him away on a week's holiday which my daughter does not want. He has hardly ever bothered with him and is not responsible and everyone feels he is only doing this to show off to his new girl friend (who incidentally is living with him at his parents' house). My daughter does all she can to protect her son from being involved in adult issues but it is so hard.

They are also very busy on a campaign of let us always take him to bigger, more expensive, fun places - Legoland, Drayton Manor. My daughter has received no money from her ex since March and my income is restricted.

Why do families do this??? I am sure many of you have been in similar situations.

Welcome to the forum SummerMary, people on here try to help, it sounds a sad situation.
Does your daughter have full custody?
And what do the divorce papers say about financial support?
You should get advice and help from the Child Support Agency:

www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/fathers-rights-and-law/child-support-maintenance?gclid=CIS4_N3p0McCFQIcwwod6ugIzg
But really it seems to be legal advice that you need.

I also wondered if access had been organised by the court or is it your daughter trying to be nice. If the latter then it won't work unless both parties are reasonable. She needs to get it set in stone.

There are some solicitors that will give half an hour consultation for free. It's worth trying to find one. Money needs to be sorted by the CSA. Going to court to get holiday access is probably hot air.

Your daughter doesn't have to talk to her ex's mum. She sounds like a major trouble causer.

No access hasn't been sorted by Court. My daughter has always been really good encouraging the ex and family to see Grandson. She got a lot of grief because she didn't want him staying at their house overnight (they live 4 miles away) but allowed this around a year ago usually Fri night.

She has seen a Solicitor but it is unsure at this stage if she could get Legal Aid and we can't afford £230 an hour. I think someone said that the CSA is now someone else who actually charges each party for doing this.

If we ignore the ex's Mum, she will head straight for the Court, I am sure of it. She is not a pleasant person. Also, the family has money, so Solicitor's fees won't worry them. Hence the constant trying to "buy" the Grandson's favour with everything he wants.

Can Citizens Advice help with legal advice , I thought they have solicitors who will give advice ( think you have to have appointment arranged ) Hope it works itself out

CAB's larger bureaux sometimes have a solicitor on board, but if theydon't then they can't give legal advice without running the risk of being sued if they get it wrong. However, they can point clients in the right direction.

I feel for you Summermary though can't offer much advice as I know most help costs money, which is a problem on a limited income.

In my case it is my son who lives with me and his children up to 4 days a week. His ex is a problem and can make terrible threats. Her family are usually OK and they are very fond of my son but of course, understandably, they will support her at the end of the day.

It is hard indeed to protect the children from adult issues but keep strong and vent your fury on here. I have found GN to be a great source of support. Good luck to you, your daughter and your grandson.

Thank you all for your support. Glad I found this site. Really appreciate all the replies. Wish I could get my daughter to talk to people. She tends to try to deal with it alone, which is hard.

She could try Mumsnet. There may well be people on there who are/have been in similar situations.

Hi Summermary welcome to GN. You are obvoiusly a caring and loving mum and nana. I think you and your daughter should look at mediation. It is the way the courts prefer to handle children and access cases now and any solicitor should send you there first. (and the same goes for your daughter's ex's family)
You can find them here www.nfm.org.uk/
The help is sometimes free.
Good luck, hope things get sorted for you.

Agree that all access should be recorded in case they take it to court, which they may not do. We have had the old threat of court but it never came to anything. Your DD really needs to get advice on this and not try to struggle on trying to be nice. It doesn't work! Unless she is a family law solicitor she won't know all the complexities. In our case, mediation came to nothing as the father wouldn't engage. But it might be worth trying.

Courts stress that decisions are made in the interests of the child. Note down how often his father had contact with him before the new GF. Also anything he has contributed financially.....which appears to be nothing.

It is very upsetting for you and DD to have these threats to deal with. Even worse is the emotional manipulation of your GS! Appalling behaviour showing total disregard for the little one's wellbeing. You really need to follow up your legal aid status and if possible get a good family law solicitor on the case.

We have been on the receiving end of threats, lies and no financial support. But he has made no attempt to follow through legally, or to see his son. Prefers to tell his sob story to anyone who listens and gives him sympathy. We ignore all of this!