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Granny23 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:08:19

Looking at Gransnet today I suddenly wondered what my Mum would have posted if there had been a site like this when she was a Granny. Perhaps -

*Am I being unreasonable* to think that if my DD2 insists on still breastfeeding her DD2 that she could at least do it in private in her own home and not tell (in fact boast to) my neighbours and friends about it? What will they think of my family. With all the excellent baby milks on the market there is no need for this generation of women to be like milk cows.

Also - am I unreasonable to expect a little more consideration, given the state of my health, than to have her arrive here every other week, in the afternoon with two noisy toddlers (she childminds my other DGD 3 days a week) and a baby.

Meanwhile, my MIL would also be on AIBU -

*Am I being unreasonable* to expect my DIL to bring my 2 DGDs to see me more often than once a fortnight. They only come when my DS can drive them here, so it has to be a Sunday as that is his only day off. I know it means 3 buses for her but the children are free. She seems to think I should visit them = three buses at my age! I'm nearly 60 and haven't been on a bus for 20 years. By the way, I think the real reason is that she is thick as thieves with her mother and has her over everyday playing with MY DGC.

What would your DM/MIL have posted?

janeainsworth Fri 08-Feb-13 22:30:36

I don't think my mum would have got past swearing at the computer grin

merlotgran Fri 08-Feb-13 22:33:31

I tried to teach my mother to type many years ago. I gave up. A keyboard doesn't mean you play it like a piano!

vampirequeen Fri 08-Feb-13 22:34:27

My mother
I just don't know why my daughter won't listen to me. She never has any money and her two daughters aged 6 and 2 are going to grow up to be juvenile deliquents. Her house is never tidy. She should never have got married and had children. Her husband is a waste of space. He'll never amount to anything. He's a drunkard. Such a waste of a good brain. She had all the chances but never took them. I'll never understand young women of today So many opportunities but they choose to have children instead then don't bring them up properly.

My MIL
Why oh why did my dear son marry this woman? She trapped him. She's obsessed with cleaning and tidying. She's such a snob and thinks she's so much better than me. She doesn't look after my son properly. He works so hard and she never shows any gratitude. He tells me how she nags him just for going for a drink after work. She doesn't feed him properly and insists that he doesn't have to have gravy with every meal even though I told her he did when they got married and I'm sure she doesn't air his underpants properly.

Notice a pattern......neither liked me hmm

harrigran Fri 08-Feb-13 23:18:55

My mother
Of my three children DD2 is the only one with children but she does not need my help, why not ? it is only twelve years since I had my last baby. She was a nurse and thinks she knows everything about child rearing, just wait

My MIL
My son is married to a lovely girl, she is like the daughter I never had. My GC are well brought up, intelligent and good mannered, I am a very lucky granny

Sadly my MIL was not a lucky lady, she died when she was 58 without seeing her GC grow up.

kittylester Sat 09-Feb-13 08:48:51

My mother - how embarrassing, my daughter has 5 children! Luckily she has help in the house because I've never seen her do any cleaning. As for the clothes she wears - really! It's a shame she isn't more like DS2's wife.

My MiL - I thought DS3 had made a mistake when he got married but she has turned out to be ok. She is a good mother and a good cook. Shame she can't sew as well. She is my favourite daughter in law.

baubles Sat 09-Feb-13 09:18:20

My mother

'When I decided to move back home I didn't give a thought to the fact that I may have grandchildren some time in the future. Ah well, I'll see them once in a while I expect, meantime I'm back with my mother and siblings and that's what makes me happy'

Mother in law

'She's an odd one alright, a bit prickly and proud. Still, my boy seems happy enough and she is bringing up lovely children. I've got so many grandchildren though I don't have a lot of time to spend with them'

Barrow Sat 09-Feb-13 09:23:00

My Mother What is wrong with my daughter, she insists on doing things her way rather than the way I taught her, she has been married for several years and has still not produced a grandchild, she only visits twice a week and says thats all she can manage as she works full time, she also takes me shopping on Saturdays and I usually go to her for Sunday lunch, why can't she be more like my son, he hardly ever visits but I don't expect him to as he has a full time job and 2 children and his wife doesn't drive so I don't see the GC very often but he will ring at least once a month

My MiL I have been very lucky will all my DiL (I have 5 sons). They don't need any advice from me and I am happy I raised my sons to have the good sense to marry such wonderful women

shysal Sat 09-Feb-13 09:29:08

My mother - Why does DD keep fussing over me and insisting on looking after me? Why can't she be more like DS who lets me do his ironing because he and DIL work so hard? Now, where did I hide that bottle of cider?

My MIL - DS married a lovely girl, she can sew, knit and cook. She spends hours making hand-crafted presents for me just to save money. I keep the quilted/ruched velvet cushions she made me inside fluffy orange covers to keep them clean. I hope she visits soon, I need somebody to change my clocks now the hour has gone on, she is very practical for a woman. However, I have told her that her house needs a good 'bottoming', and that I would love to get in there with a scrubbing brush!

Greatnan Sat 09-Feb-13 09:40:46

My mother - DD3 is wonderful, she takes me on holiday with them every year and makes the long trip up from Surrey to Manchester every month, with a toddler and a new baby. I don't think her husband is good enough for her. I have always adored her and I know she loves me very much. I love her sisters and her brother, of course, but she was my last baby and she has always been very special.

My MIL. I thought my DIL was far too young to get married, at 18, and I didn't like the fact that she had been brought up as a catholic. However, she now says she is an atheist and they got married in a registry office, so that is not so bad. They have a nice three-bedroomed semi and seem to have a very good life, but I have still not got over losing my son's money every week.
Later. I am very proud of my DIL because she taught a neighbour's son and he said she was a brilliant teacher. She is now a Head teacher which means I can boast about her.
Later still: She has broken my son's heart by asking for a divorce after twenty years - I always said she was too young to get married.

JessM Sat 09-Feb-13 09:50:06

shysal grin

My mother: She never tells me anything. Since she got divorced I don't know what she's up to. Running around with younger men I suspect. I hope she's heard about AIDS. I wish she'd tell me everything. Doesn't she realise that I worry about her?

MIL1: That girl has no standards at all. Her house is a tip and she doesn't know how to cook. She's totally focussed on the children and doesn't look after my son properly at all.
MIL2: (early days) I do wish he would find himself a nice catholic girl who would make sure he doesn't get lost to the faith. One that lives near here, preferably who would get him to move back and then have lots of children. And what has he done - taken up with a divorced woman who is 10 years older than him, got two teenagers and is not even a Christian.

(ps MIL she loves me now - i am just speculating about first impressions)

absent Sat 09-Feb-13 10:35:21

My mother was a very fast and extremely accurate typist, so any mistakes in the following are not her fault.

My mother: I think she tries to do much and she gets little or no help from her husband. He's a nice enough chap but spends too much time and too much money in the pub. If he's at home on a Saturday or Sunday he takes the baby to the park but otherwise everything is left to her. I wish she'd wear more clothes; it's not surprising she catches colds so often. I think the time has come to stop breastfeeding now – it's getting on for a year.

My mother-in-law (1): She is a bad wife, a bad mother and a bad person. She has no interest in sport. What man wants a wife who can't talk about football and hates boxing? I would be ashamed of myself if I were the one who paid the household bills and bought the food – who does she think she is? They should come to see us every other weekend and invite us to visit them on the alternate weekends just like the nice couple who live next door. No wonder I hung up the phone when he rang to tell me they were engaged.

My mother-in-law (2) She looks after "the boy" very well. They are very happy together and she's a great cook.

whenim64 Sat 09-Feb-13 10:47:48

My mother:
Why she can't leave things and stop asking incessant questions, I'll never understand. She seems to expect me and her dad to be all touchy-feely and we're just not like that. She's brainy, but then she got that from me. I worry that she'll open her mouth once too often, and she'll upset her in-laws. We get along ok as neighbours, but it would be very diffcult for us if she fell out with them. Has she thought about us coping with them so nearby, if she divorces him?

My MIL:
She's a bit too modern for my liking. All this talk of having a career when she's got those four lovely children. I notice that she likes her wine - a schooner full is enough for me, with soda water. She had two schooners of Blue Nun with Sunday lunch, and made my son drive them home. Not sure I like her sitting in the corner 'nursing' her babies. In my day, that sort of thing was done in the bedroom, not in front of company!

kittylester Sat 09-Feb-13 12:55:26

Two shock when!

Not on topic but I bought some Blue Nun the other day to see if it was as 'good' as I remembered. Hmm, maybe use it for cooking grin

Tried Mateus Rose not so long ago too - yeuk.

Sorry, as you were!!

Stansgran Sat 09-Feb-13 13:08:42

I'm not sure which one of them I am but I had a horrible few days when DD 2 told me that I shouldn't offer help to either DD unless asked. Seem to be thought of as interfering and critical. I was on the point of asking kitty and Galen for advice as they had /have dreadful mothers whom they love. (On another thread) I still want them to love me obviously not as much as I love them.

kittylester Sat 09-Feb-13 13:17:21

That's sad Stansgran sad

I'm sure you are not anything like as bad as my mum. Some of the things she has done to me and mine were certainly not her trying to do her best for me, as I'm sure would be your intention. flowers

Galen said she loved her Mum but I don't think I would say that. She has caused me loads of pain but I do know that I will always make sure I do my best for her.

nightowl Sat 09-Feb-13 13:24:32

Mum: I know she did very well to pass her eleven plus and go to the high school but why does she want to go away to university when she could stay here, get a good office job and marry a local boy? No-one else in our family has moved away from home and I'll miss her because she's my only one.

Later: I quite liked her husband when she first met him even though he had long hair and I couldn't really understand what he was talking about. Between them they've given me three beautiful grandchildren and I have the relationship with them I wish I could have had with my daughter. I look after them a lot and although I love it I don't think my daughter and son-in-law appreciate how much I do for them (true sad )

MIL: I just don't understand that girl, she's much too quiet. She spoils those children, lets them sleep in their bed and she's been breast feeding for far too long. If she'd had five like I did she would have had to have more of a routine.
(I think (hope) MIL grew to like me in the end.)

ninathenana Sat 09-Feb-13 13:32:46

MOTHER: She's a wonderful daughter. She's looked after me so well since her father died. She takes me shopping twice a week and for days out. I go on holiday with her and her DH every year. She married a lovely kind man who is always willing to do DIY for me. Her children are well behaved and always clean and tidy. Although I can't always say the same for her house !

MIL: (died whilst I was PG with 1st baby) I'm not that close to DIL but she's polite to me and seems to care about our K. They live in her home town about 90min by train away. So don't see much of them. I gave K a some money from his dad's life insurance to do work in the house. She seemed genuinely greatful. I suppose he could have done worse.

grannyactivist Sat 09-Feb-13 14:03:06

MOTHER: My daughter's always been the sensible one, but when she was little she sounded like she'd swallowed a dictionary - I didn't understand what she was saying half the time. She went to university, she's good at getting things done and she's a great help to her siblings and their children. I was shocked when her husband left her, but she's really lucky that her new husband's a wonderful man. I didn't think it would last because he's ten years younger than her and she had three children - but they're still like teenagers together after 26 years so I was wrong. She's very lucky to have got such a good husband.

MIL: I was desperately worried when my son told me he was in love with a woman who was a divorced mother of three and ten years younger than him. I decided to support them as my son is very mature and was quite certain that she was the 'one'. Now I can honestly say (and do) that my daughter in law is my best friend. She's more than returned our support over the years and we would have been lost without her help when we've had difficult family matters to deal with. I love her.

FlicketyB Sat 09-Feb-13 14:34:31

My mother:
DD1 is married and is currently at home looking after their children. Her DH has a professional job so they are comfortably off. I do worry about my two younger daughters struggling to buy and run a property with only one income.

This was in the 1970s when houses were considerably cheaper. It never occurred to my DM that my sisters were actually better off than us. We had one wage earner who was supporting a household of four people. My sisters had only one person to support with their incomes and as they were both graduates in well paid work their income was not far off DH's. I was home for 7 years but went back to work as soon as it was practicable. I reckon we were not as well off as my sisters until DC left school.

My mother in law:
DH and I will be going to Northampton on the bus today as DH has a hospital appointment. As we are travelling the 20 miles to Northampton we have decided we might as well keep going and travel on to the Kent coast where DS and family are on holiday. AS DH is not long out of hospital I have booked an ensuite room with sea view in the best hotel I can locate.

And they arrived at our self-catering accommadation at 8.00pm that evening, to everybodies delight and we had a lovely holiday together.

Smoluski Sat 09-Feb-13 17:41:33

Mother what she wanted......a pretty blonde blue eyed girly girl in frilly dresses.
What she got.....me fat,four eyes,scruff bag that rolled in mud and dirt.
Mind you I have a good looking son .....high hopes for him...

MIL I am busy having my own baby at 44 my two boys have a gap of 10 years,and my new daughter is after a gap of 10 years.....well she's welcome to him he's not all there and trouble...

MIL2 after three sons that don't talk to each other here is the daughter I always wanted we can have cosy sessions on cooking and knitting,she tries hard not to be on her own with me it's almost as though she feels trapped when I am near.
She's a good wife to my boy looks after him my youngest he's quite tricky to handle children well looked after ..

MIL3 if she where still with us,would hopefully have given me a chance to show that I am a good catch for her son grin even though on paper we are not a good match

grannyactivist Sat 09-Feb-13 17:53:05

Granny23 this is such an interesting thread. Thanks. flowers

kittylester Sat 09-Feb-13 18:01:18

Agree GA smile

Bags Sat 09-Feb-13 18:12:05

Mother: Guess what she's planning now? Remember this is Bags we're talking about. Can you belieeeeve it?

Mother-in-law: We were surprised when we realised he had a girlfriend. After that nothing surprised us.

Bags Sat 09-Feb-13 18:12:32

They both actually said those things smile

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