I was saddened to read that Dr Wendy Greengross died. She literally saved my sanity with her down to earth common sense on her radio programme in the 70s. I had just had my second child and the older one was exhibiting jealousy and the situation was very difficult. Then I heard Dr Wendy on the radio saying that jealousy was natural in this situation and if it was suppressed it would warp the child's personality as they grew older. Her analogy was 'how would you feel if your husband came home with another woman and said this is my new wife and we are all going to live together'? I have passed this advice on many times and never forgotten it.

Yes I remember her programs. A very sensible lady indeed.

An Australian friend once advised me that if I'd done something stupid, the best thing was to just say 'Sorry, I've done something stupid' and that defuses any anger.

'Missing Mugs are usually in the Microwave'

Proved the veracity of this one again today.

What a great thread! Mine was from a colleague years ago. 'Let's just see how this unfolds before we jump in with both feet!'

I was once going to reply in kind to a very nasty letter from the person who had expected to get the job I had just got. Somebody to whom I showed the letter and my reply said I should not lower myself to her level. Instead, I sent her a very courteous reply inviting her to discuss her plans with me and gave her a specialist role in the organisation. We continued to work together and when I resigned I made sure she got my job.

Somebody else told me that whenever I had a difficult job to do, phone call to make, etc. it was best to do it immediately and this has proved to be absolutely right.

I generally take any advice that my daughter gives me, because she is wise and thinks of all the consequences of any decision.

I am not a religious person but The Serenity Prayer, or versions of it, I find worthy of offering up as advice.
'...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.'

I had been a bit wikkid at school – nothing serious but you'd have thought it was by the fuss! – and an eleven year old classmate of mine said "Honesty is the best policy". I owned up. Didn't get into trouble (I think the teachers were trying to stifle their grins actually), but I was trusted to speak the truth thereafter.

My Nan wrote in my autograph book when I was about nine "Two things never return. A sped arrow and a lost opportunity". I've kept that by me ever since!

I'm not sure making a difficult phonecall etc is best done immediately, Isn't a time to reflect and plan first sometimes good? But I read once it's always best to make a difficult phone call standing up. Makes you more alert. It's true.

The two pieces of advice I remember from my father are:

A very good view is to be had from walking over Hungerford Bridge!
(London, goes across the Thames from Embankment tube station. In fact the view has got very much better since then as there is now a footbridge on each side of the main railway bridge not just on the side away from the Houses of Parliament. Bizarre advice though)

and

Having a job is a sign of failure (he was always self-employed and hated the idea of having a boss)

It was exciting walking across the old footbridge right next to the trains though wasn't it. I wonder if he was familiar with the Wordsworth poem, "on Westminster Bridge" which begins: Earth has not anything to show more fair...
"Don't put in a letter something you might later regret" is one a young aunt passed on to me when i was a child.
And my M.Phil. supervisor, on writing clearly, suggested that "keep to one idea per sentence" is a good rule. I quoted it only this week when debating an amendment clause to U3a constitution.

"If in doubt, do nothing!" Has often stopped me jumping in with both feet.

"Count your blessings" my mum's wisdom.

My mums best advice was Always wash dishes and clean sink before you go to bed,the kitchen will always look tidy when you come down the next day.
My Dads best was Never judge anyone by their employment status as Every job is Noble.
I have remembered these little snippets all my life and have never gone far wrong.

My best friend's: You never know what's round the corner' So true J05

[glamma] that made me smile. As one of those oblivious people that sometimes leave things in the sink unwashed for a day or two. (I mean the pans - i do have a dishwasher)

Don't press the 'send' button until you've checked you're sending to the right person. Not sure who gave me that advice. Might have been someone on here!

Be nice to people on your way up because don't know who you'll meet them on your way down.

People in glass houses should not throw stones.

Don't foul your own nest.

That is, no matter how much you would like to say your piece to a boss as you leave employment, don't do it. You never know in what context, or where, you might encounter them again.

Be yourself!

But what if you don't like yourself!

My most recent piece of good advice was 'Buy a GPS compass' and I will be following it!

I have read so many accounts of people ruining their relationships and careers by sending e-mails to the wrong people, that I am now very careful with them - but mainly I have made mistakes by posting on my Facebook wall some thing I intended to be in a private message!

As a teenager in the late sixties, dressed in a skirt the size of a belt, loads of make up etc. my Mum's advice was "get out quick before your Dad sees you!!"

She would also say "never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you"
meaning don't worry about things until they actually happen

Grannybags I have that on a piece of Mottoware! (not the bit about your dad obviously!!)

similar one my Mum used to say hang you clothes up /or put in clothes bin if necessary however tired you are it will be worse tomorrow!!

Don't bother getting a new husband, he'll only have different faults from the first one!

This one comes from Mother Ann, founder of the Shakers: 'If you can put it down, you can put it away.' I just wish I actually paid heed to it.

After my DH came through treatment for cancer -still on check-ups, but all is well - I bought him a magnet which said
Cherish yesterday,
Dream of tomorrow
Live for today.
He put it up over the fire and I'm looking at it now.

An aunt of mine had a wee saying - a bit twee but so true.

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift
That is why they call it the present.

She has been gone for a long time now but I often think of her and of her wisdom.

I like that rosieb

A girlfriend of mine said 'always apologise when you've quarrelled even if you feel in the right. It makes things better every time!'

I am afraid I can't agree with apologising when you are in the right. Of course, it depends on how serious the disagreement was, but sometimes it is not wise to reinforce somebody's wrong thinking. I couldn't apologise to my sister when we had words about her openly racist attitude. We just agreed to disagree.

My mother would say, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.'

From my father when I left home: you can always afford insurance, it's not a luxury but a neccessity. This good advice was especially remembered when my house caught fire in 2007. I had water damage and the flat upstairs had fire,smoke and water damage. Their landlord and I shared the buildings insurance and I also had home insurance. The young couple didn't, hadn't got around to it. So I ended up with a new flat,furniture and fixings - they had to make do with what they could beg,borrow or steal. All for because they hadn't paid less then £20 a month for contents.
The following year my daughter and her then boyfriend had their flat burgled, items like jewellry,lap-tops and cameras were taken. They had renters insurance which cost them £8.00 a month. They got all their stolen items replaced.

When asked to make a sentence with the word "horticulture", Dorothy Parker said, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think".

absent

Someone persuaded against their will, is of the same opinion still.

'Good Enough, gets more done'. As a congenital perfectionist, I have to try very hard to follow this one. OTOH with arthritic hands, less energy and memory lapses 'Good Enough' is quite an achievement most days.

My contribution to this thread isn't so much advice that's been passed on to me, more a book in the same vein.

I'm a worrier, I care what people think about me, I worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, I mither about nonsensical things that I have no control over.

My daughter is always telling me that a lot of what I worry about is wasted energy but she was trying to get blood out of a stone so she bought me a book.

I apologise before I go any further for the title of the book (just as my daughter did), I'm not a person who swears and I could have taken exception to it but, after reading it, the title is very appropriate. I'm hoping that I don't break forum rules by posting it. It's "f**k it", written by John C Parkin. I don't necessarily say the word printed in the book but I don't break any rules by thinking it.

We cannot change other people however hard we try but when you change yourself, people around you begin to change.

Elle - that is exactly what I say to myself sometimes when a thread gets too confrontational and I can't be bothered any more!

'No experience is ever wasted' has proved true to me throughout my life. Even the tiniest apparently ineffectual experience can pop up later and provide food for thought in a later scenario

'Reinforcement is absolutely necessary'. We were told this at teacher training college but it fits into all kinds of learning situations!

And some underwear ones....

When I moved into a student flat and had to cook (after being in a student residence and then digs) my mother said "When in doubt, add another onion" and I have found that to be very good advice.

"Every day's a school-day" ie there's always something to learn. Always

btw Elle - mither, lovely word! Thanks for that.

Like it granny23.

Elle your words

"I'm a worrier, I care what people think about me, I worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, I mither about nonsensical things that I have no control over."

could be a description of me! Did the book work? If so, I will definitely buy it. All this worrying is exhausting and pointless and I would love to find a way out of it.

One of the best bits of advise came from my ex! When people offer to help, if you are sure they mean it, accept it. People like to help and be useful and it makes them feel better.

It made this very independent and stubborn person think! Also I find that as I get older it is more pertinent and I actually ask for help occasionally now.

Worry never climbed a hill
Worry never paid a bill
from a Mormon cookbook I bought in the States
and I like my mother's saying-Do as you would be done by
Do as you would be did
Don't sit on the boiling pot
Don't sit on the lid
from The Water Babies. And Dorothy Parker's Offal is Awful so true especially as I'm married to a man who loves the ghastly stuff

follow your instincts, they are usually good

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest of intention.

Good old Oscar Wilde.

ELLE. I'm very lucky I think in that I don't worry! Maybe it don't have the gene.
I think it's because I'm pretty much a fatalist. I generally couldn't care less what people think of me and my ways...not because I am nasty, I am generally a very caring person but I just don't get the hassle of it all.
My parents are both worritts and so is one of my sisters and they waste so much energy thinking about what might go wrong and what people might think. I would find it exhausting. Friends say:- you must worry about your children being so far away! I'm afraid I don't, they are sensible grown ups and know what they are doing and I expect them to get on with it just like we had to do and if they need help they will either ask or pay someone to do it.

Generally people don't think the bad things you attribute to them. Just a thought - if your knickers fall down in the street in front of lots of people, how many would even know you or give it a thought after a few titters. So you might blush at the thought of it but the world hasn't ended.

Don't sweat about what you can't change and you will have more energy for the things you can. ��

My dad still quotes his father who was in the Dutch army before the war....
Do normal, and you do daft enough!

Quite true

Yes it is possible to ruin one' life by worrying. I have to work at it, having had a mother who could have got a gold medal for it. But i have lots of practice am pretty good at not doing so these days.
My grandmother used to say, if someone was fussing about their clothes or something "Nobody's going to stop their horse and cart!" In other words, other people are not that interested in you.

wisewoman. Yes, the book is a great help because it explains why those thoughts are negative, it's like having a counsellor on your coffee table.

Elle thank you. I will get on to Amazon immediately!

My mother was about as relaxed as it is possible to get. We were never taken to the doctor as she remembered having to pay, so we all enjoyed very good health! Our home was clean but only stayed tidy because we had so few possessions! I have inherited her insouciant attitude to life a nd expect the best to happen, but I am sensible enough to prepare for the worst. I follow the serenity prayer and have learned to accept what I cannot change, even when it is painful.

You can still be assertive even if you are feeling small and weak.
Not sure if I always live up to it but it gives me courage to know remember this.

Humberbear - I think I must have heard the Wendy Greengross programme on sibling jealousy (unfortunately after I'd tried unsuccessfully to stop first child being jealous of the second) as now I always tell parents to accept it's natural & to help their kids understand and deal with it rather than suppress it.

Beware of desperate steps. The darkest day,
Live till to-morrow, will have pass'd away.

This is from a poem by William Cowper, and it's stayed in my mind since I read it.

Never listen to advice. Never give advice. Although I did once suggest to absent daughter that she should let the mascara dry on her top eyelashes before applying it to the bottom ones.

I never give advice. However, I have been thanked by a lot of people and on a number of occasions for my "wise advice". Of course, what I did was sit and listen while they talked through their problems, providing tea and biscuits or gin and tonic, and they came to their own conclusions.

My dad, a pianist (not classical, he played in pubs and for strippers) always told us 'Always B sharp, never B flat.'
And to my mum 'I never looked.'

Some of the best advice I have had is to clear up as you go along. another I like is you can do a lot more with a little bit of sugar than with a pint of vinegar. You can achieve a lot more with love than with hate.

Do as you would be done by - difficult some times!

Don't marry her - from my dad. It ended in divorce after 16 years.

My mum always believed in 'Do as you would be done by' & ' never judge a book by its cover and never judge a person by their colour' and have tried to always follow those rules.

And my dad, when DH & I got married as students said 'Love is important but it won't pay the bills!' Remembered that often!!

When I was very young I was given a ticking off by my boss to the effect that my caustic tongue would get me in trouble. Advice I never listened to. Thank the lord.

He was obviously of the opinion that 'the meek shall inherit the earth'.

'Its only an Internet forum'

a little help is worth a deal of pity often think of that!!

is very true lot of people like to gloat at others problems but few actually try and help!!

forgot to say that was one of my late Mum`s sayings. Along with you can always stoop and pick up nothing, can understand that now she meant if you lower your standards to other peoples it will not benefit you.

Nothing stays the same.

Butty Very true!

Nothing stays the same. This reminds me of something that happened to me a long time ago. We had a French student staying whose English was very poor [even worse than my French . We muddled along for a few days feeling a bit awkward, and then one day I asked her the meaning of the name of a racehorse I adored at that time. He was called Sabin du Loire. She didn't know [I think it was the name of a place]. I also tried to explain how beautiful I found the name, and that I often said it out loud. Wasn't sure that she'd understood me. Anyway, later that day she came up to me and said that she had some English words that made her feel the same, and the words were 'All things change', and I realised we had undertood one another and, even though we couldn't communicate very well language wise we understood each other in a way that was beyond language. I then learned that she loved films, so we spent the rest of her stay going to the cinema and watching dvd's. When Sabin du Loire retired from racing [thankfully to a long and happy retirement] I wrote to his trainer and told him this story. I received a lovely letter from his wife saying how horses bring people together [Martin Pipe it was OGM will know who I mean]. Perhaps when I win the lottery and buy myself a racehorse that'll be his name. All Things Change.

Lovely story crimson. Many thanks