I second that dustyangel although we all seem to help each other when the chips are down. I can't imagine what you must have gone through Phoenix but my warmest wishes for peace in your heart and mind go out to you and to all who suffer with the dreaded disease of depression. I feel like no one would miss me when I get bad, but even if it's my beloved doggie wanting me beside her at bedtime or my budgies screaming at me for food and a water change, then I am needed and wanted and loved and at the bad times I thank God that I have them to get me through.
I lost my baby brother at 12 hours old, I never even got to see him. I was 14 at the time and the pain never goes away. I go to his grave on his birthday and sit and chat with him, have a drink, spend some time, take roses. It feels inadequate.