How do I tell me neighbour (politely) to go away

say 'it's not a good time at the moment' with a smile. Don't answer the door.

or, be honest and say 'not when the DGC are here' . It's a difficult one, but if it goes on too long, she will think you are happy with it and that she can drop in anytime.

Maybe as roses suggests, but also say " how would it be if I pop round to you tomorrow instead?" That would break the pattern of her always coming to you, and would also show some kind of pre arrangement. Then you could go, and say come to me if you're free on - ? Worth a try especially as you say you enjoy her company. Or even make it a weekly thing but you definitely need to knock this frequent, random calling on the head.

Thank you. I'll try that and see if it works. She's on her own for much of the day so I understand her need for company. I just wish it was shared with other people too!

Oh gosh been there, done that and worn the wrecked tee shirt Years ago a new neighbour moved in next door where we used to live - she was in her 50's and 20 years older than me. Very domineering but she seemed very nice and one day I mistakenly invited her in for coffee. My sons were about 9 and 6 then and at school and my husband was at work so the odd chat was very welcome. However it soon became a huge problem as she would march round with her own cup of coffee and stay for hours! She'd come straight in my back door - if I locked it she knocked until I couldn't ignore it any longer. We had no gate so she could walk right round the house and see in the windows so it got to the point where I would literally run upstairs and hide until I knew she'd gone home as I didn't have the courage to tell her I was busy - we were in business and I used to do the book-keeping from my dining room table so it was very difficult to be out. The problem was solved when my sons were playing football in our garden and the ball went over their fence - they politely asked if they could have it back and she refused saying they should be more careful. Enter their father who didn't like her anyway - he went round and ended up have a row with her and we never spoke from that day till the day we moved out 2 years later! I'm not suggesting you do anything as drastic but I would (with hindsight) have been better telling her I was really busy that day and could we take a rain check and maybe go into town shopping together to have coffee. Good luck!

She is probably lonely but you do need to be firm on this. Do tell her that when the DGC are with you it is just not possible for you to sit and relax with a cup of coffee. Make a definite arrangement for a specific day and time.

I've had this problem too. When I worked, I got one afternoon off a week. My neighbour would watch for me coming home and before i got to my house she would shout for me to come in for a coffee. I would go with a heavy heart because she would talk for hours and all I wanted to do was go home and enjoy my afternoon off! I never solved this problem, eventually we moved away. I agree with what sunseeker says. You don't want to hurt her feelings I'm sure.

Is there anything you could suggest she gets involved in. Helping at a charity shop, dog walking, visiting an elderly person, joining a local exercise class as she needs things to fill her day so she is not so dependent on your company. Good luck, it is difficult especially when you want to be doing things with the grandchildren.

Lynda Perhaps you could pop a note through her door inviting her to come for a coffee in a weeks time. In this way you are both telling her that you have a busy schedule and that you would like to see her when you are free. As roses says let her know that it is just not possible for her to come when you have your GC round as it is not a time for you to successfully do anything other than be a granny.
I do wonder if she has GC of her own or if she is enjoying yours in the absence of her own. If that was the case then perhaps an occasional invitation to accompany you all on an outing to the park or similar might be possible. Nothing is ever as simple as it often appears on the surface.

You say she is lonely so, if she is fit enough, perhaps you could give her ideas of things she could get involved in which would automatically enlarge her circle of acquaintances and hopefully friends. Wellness is key here though as it is difficult to get out and about if you are not fit enough to do that.

I would be wary of introducing her into your own circle of friends unless it is a big enough circle to withstand additions since it quite possible to suddenly find yourself gradually being subtly edged out. Sadly, I know about this happening and since I have personally been 'once bitten' I am therefore 'twice shy'. I would recommend quite a bit of careful thought and observation!

Your neighbour is either selfish, insensitive, or so crucified with loneliness she is blind to the normal signals that we all observe in order to establish & maintain good relations. What a problem: I squirm at the idea of having to freeze her off, but self preservation is important, however kind & sympathetic you are. Screw up your courage and explain your commitments; perhaps say you can make a definite date somewhere away from your home, on neutral ground, maybe a café, in two weeks' time. I hope it works.

I had a female stalker once which got very difficult. I taught her in an evening class and she developed a kind of crush and kept sending me long letters and presents via adult education office. She also came to choir concerts I was singing in and sat in the front row taking photos of me. I didnt want to be unkind but was advised to stop responding to letters and to blank her if I saw her. I hated doing this but eventually she got the message. Fortunately she never found out where I lived!

My neighbour used to come in and would sit for 3 hours at a time talking about people I didn't know and telling me in minute detail what she had to eat at whichever restaurant she had been to. I got over it by being 'busy' each time she came. I would say "I can only stop for 10 minutes" and after that time stand up and say sorry but I must get on. She did eventually get the message and we are still on good speaking terms.

Many years ago when my children were small one the neighbours would turn up at my door, bottle of milk in hand, slippers under her arm and settle in for the day.
She was a dreadful bossy woman, ready to take over and criticise the way I was bringing up my children. In those days I wouldn't say "boo to a goose". It eventually stopped when she got herself a job. I found out later she'd done the same to other young mums in the street and they'd hide when they saw her coming lol.

Can't imagine our daughters putting up with thst nowadays, Kittye

When my children were in primary school one of the other mums, who was in fairness pretty harmless in every other way, seemed hell bent on spending every spare moment in my kitchen, talking. She was quite excitable and therefore fairly exhausting to listen to, and after a while I used to be 'out' when she came, having developed the trick of peering out of the side window to see who was standing on the step. She got over that one by waiting a while, and then looking through the letterbox and shouting 'It's only me!!'. Unless I hid for about twenty minutes (and I did sometimes) I had to say I had been in the bathroom or garden, so as not to hurt her feelings. It was absolute hell for a long time but eventually the children went to senior school, I didn't see her so often and I heard that another Mum was now pinned in her kitchen listening for hours.
'Seems cruel to avoid people as I think the problem was extreme loneliness; a horrible thing to suffer. However, I suffered such frustration; like 'inishowen' I had little time at home to myself and relished the peace when I could get it. I do always think, though, that I might be lonely one day......

2 or 3 times a week...that's way to often! I would suggest you mention U3A as they operate most areas. It's a great way to socialise with like minded people. Or as others have suggested, you pop round to her house (Grandkids in tow) I'm guessing she won't be so keen then!...no offence to your GC obviously, but I'm thinking she just wants to spend some time away from her own 4 walls.

Am amazed that so many people have experienced this type of neighbour as I thought it had only happened to me. Many years ago a neighbour used to come over on a Sunday morning ( I worked full time) and she used to sit through me doing all my lunch preparations , watch me iron every item of clothing in the laundry and listen to all the families comings and goings with all the teenage angst included. It didn't matter what I said or implied I could not get her stop. It used to drive me crackers. I never had the confidence just to tell her to push off, in the end we moved but not before I had missed every episode of the archers omnibus for about ten years . Can only advise you to do what I should have don't let her in - shout through the door that you are a bit busy and then run and hide in a cupboard so if she looks through the window she can't see you.

I use to keep my coat by the front door and when the unwelcome visitor called I would answer the door whilst putting my coat on and say I was on my way out to go to my daughters...sometimes I looked through the spyhole and if it was her I wouldnt answer the door...when she phoned I said I had company...I think she got the hint eventually!

I like Bellanonna's idea as that breaks what has become a habit on her part. Then while you are at her house you coud suggest a time for her to pop round to return the visit, in a week or two?

I have told this story previously on another thread, but will repeat a shortened version!

I worked from home sewing garments. My kids were at school so I tried to sew whilst they were out then put everything away so that I could devote my attention to them to see to homework/tea/cuddles etc.

A new neighbour appeared. No harm in her in fact she was a very pleasant woman. Recently remarried she & her new husband had bought a large place at the top of our road and didn't appear to need to work so they broke up the boredom of their day by landing on my doorstep and 9am and not leaving until teatime. Every day. For months and months - over a year, if I recall. I was too soft to say anything so ended up hardly seeing my kids and having to sew well into the night to meet my commitments.

Eventually, after trying all the hiding/pretending I was on my way out etc etc I just said to her that I really couldn't be doing with her and her husband coming to my house every single day giving the reason why. She left. Came back the next morning with a pot plant to say sorry - but she never, ever came again. They moved to another area the following year.

I had another, slightly older but really unpleasant gossipy neighbour who also used to land on me. Can't remember how I got rid of her!

But it's meant that I haven't made any new friends because I'm loathe to put myself through all the angst again! The children are grown & away and I have a proper job outside with great colleagues - and am quite happy to leave it at that!

Be strong - tell her in any of the ways suggested by others here - but don't let her rule your life by chickening out of saying anything!

Wish my problem with neighbour was as simple as unwanted visits. Mine took advantage of my husband's trip to a music event nearly 3 years ago to remove the fence between our gardens. He refuses to replace it, in spite of the fact that replacement fence panels have been stacked on his patio for many months, and my 3 year old GD can't use my garden because of the combined dangers of large, deep pond and electric railway in unfenced garden next door. My husband and I repeatedly wrote polite requests and offered help to erected fence but were ignored and when, following husband's recent death, I offered my sons' assistance with fence erection I was shouted at in the street by my neighbour's stepson who called me a slut and a slag and a "lousy housewife"! Have reached the stage when I don't feel like going out of my own front door and am too intimidated to go out in my back garden, which used to be a beautiful and immaculate haven... What possesses some people to be so unpleasant and verbally violent, especially when I am still mourning my darling husband of over 40 years?

Maybe if you come across someone who monopolises your time you should be honest and help her expand her horizons. I am guilty of being the friend from hell many many years ago. I was very unhappily married and miles away from home not knowing the area so i latched on to my neighbour who to my face was lovely. She must have hated my clumsy attempt at friendship (i was 18) but the lonliness was terrible. She eventually moved away but i found myself doing the same thing with someone else. This time i realised a pattern was developing so stopped it short of her throttling me! i couldnt work as i wasnt allowed (husband) so put my energy into my child and home and steered clear of intense friendships. The person doing this is probably unaware of the effect she is having and a gentle honest word would probably do the trick . You never know what is behind the reason for her behaviour unless you ask. Happily my neighbours are now safe as life is very different but i do feel sorry for those so desperate for friendship they slightly overdo it! Just a thought!!!

Yes difficult one. It's obvious these folks certainly have a problem of some sort that would probably tax a professional's skill! As others have said they're certainly lonely and in need of company but it can't always be one person. You, as the person without the same problem, have to take charge and steer them in the right direction if possible. We had a neighbour who had mental health problems who could be a nuisance and "corner" folks if met outside. I never invited her into the house and if I met her outside we kept walking together round the block til I reached home again and would say firmly I'm going in now-goodbye-see you another time and walk firmly away.
Trouble is, if you're kind hearted you hate to see someone alone and suffering-DH calls these folks "my strays" and thinks I have an invisible welcoming tattoo on my forehead that only folks with problems can read?

It is a difficult situation, and I really sympathise with you, as I've been there and I didn't have the courage to deal properly with the situation.
I'd moved to a new area and I found it difficult at first to make friends, until about 6 months later when my DC started at playschool and school. Then, of course, I had the opportunity to meet with other mums. One in particular latched onto me. She lived only 3 doors away and we found ourselves walking home from the school together in the mornings. The second time we walked back I asked her in for coffee. She stayed all day, not leaving until it was time to walk down and collect the children from school. The next door she didn't wait for an invitation, but just followed me through my front door, and the pattern was set. This went on for weeks and I was longing for the school holidays, naively thinking I'd be free of her. No chance! She'd come in at some point during the day and I couldn't even get her to budge when I said I had to get dinner ready as my H would be home soon. She would even stay when he got in and started chatting to him. Unfortunately she didn't have to be home for her husband because he was away with the army. I would actually have to get the dinner plates out, and start laying the table, to make her go. But even then I still had to say, 'M, can you excuse us now please, as we are going to have our dinner.' I'm sure she would have happily sat with another cup of tea while we ate our meal. Heaven knows what her 8 year old son was doing all this time. She certainly didn't seem to care!
Eventually they moved away, but only after I'd endured her daily visits for over a year.
I wish you luck, LyndaW and more courage than I ever had