Are we guilty of this?

Wow, sounds like there are some appalling GPs around.
I'm not someone who's a big fan of babies and children, in general, but I love it when my DGD (3) wants me to play with her.

I've spent many holidays with my grandchildren over the years and OH and I just spent a week away with our grown up grandchildren some married, all with partners. They organised the trip to a place where we spent many holidays when they were small and they wanted their partners to experience caravanning at the coast we had a fabulous time making more lovely memories with them all they often ring us to pop out for lunch or BBQ with them.

We love spending time with all of them aged from 28 down to 3yrs and wouldn't dream of ignoring them at any time. But people will be people and some of those GP sound awful and really aren't making memories for the family for when they are long gone.

This describes my D's in laws to a t. My D and her husband have been separated now for nearly 2 years and they have not once asked about the GC. At the start when D visited us she would ring them and call to see them. They were polite but no more so she has stopped. It does not bother the children, now 17 and 14 as they hardly know them but my D hurts about it. In 14 years they visited once when GD was born and they were visiting friends in the area. They are quite well off but I don't think for one moment the GC will benefit.

DD's ILs are a bit like this, I was astounded when the other GM flew over to visit her other son's new baby and didn't tell my SIL. He hadn't seen his mother for a year, you would think she would want to see her son and GD's who were only two and five at the time. I couldn't drive past any of my GC's homes and not pop in to see them. I travel long distances to see two of my GC, it's not a matter of just driving to the airport, it's a long way for me to get to an airport. I get what I call grand children withdrawal symptoms if I don't have some around me.

My GPs were all pretty awful, bar my paternal GF, he seemed okay, if not distant at least he wasn't mean and horrible like the other GPs. I think I got the short straw when it came to GPs.

I only have one GS and I do see him most weeks. My DD and SIL have jobs that require them to work most weekends so we have him to ourselves.
Our conservatory is given over to his toys ect. And we play all day or go out to do things that he enjoys, crabbing at Wells for example. He is 6 and loves coming here. We love it too and get so much pleasure from his company. Feel sorry for the other type of GP's they are missing out big time. Just a shame that so are the GC.

I'm definitely not guilty. I'm think I'm the opposite and my poor husband sometimes thinks he is going further down the list of priorities. I don't know any grandparents who behave like this either. Most are like me and a bit besotted with their grandchildren. Like everything in life it takes all sorts and everyone is different. Perhaps some people think 'I've done my bit no one helped me" attitude, who knows. There are also threads on mumsnet about overbearing grandparents who won't stay away. Relationships can be fraught, expectations can be too high. None of us get it right all of the time and some don't care either way.

We are not guilty either. We have one grandchild (9) and have him two days a week during the holidays, when all our time and attention is given over to him. It has been that way since he was tiny. If anything, the boot is on the other foot recently in that, when we are at his home and not in ours, he would sooner be out with his friends than spending time with us now, which is the way it should be. We are becoming somewhat redundant. He never sees his other grandmother. For reasons that baffle everyone, she has shown no interest in him almost from the word go and now DD and s-i-l rarely bother to take him there (and when his other grandfather was alive, he did not go out of his way to spend time with GS either. This from two people who were so pleased when DD became pregnant). It doesn't seem to be all that unusual. Because we were mostly out of the country, my children rarely saw their grandparents and don't really remember them now.

I know a grandmother exactly like the one on Mumsnet. She's my co-grandmother and lives about 2 hours away. She keeps trying to get my DiL to move back nearer to her, but when she comes to,stay with them she stays in bed until about lunch time, then ignores to grandchildren, except for the odd critical remark. If her husband plays with them she gets jealous and sulks.

This is so not us !

We have 2 bedrooms at our house that 'belong' to the grandchildren. Its a 2nd home for them and we have them all often and its our pleasure to do so.

Its funny though , neither of my DDs MiL really have much to do with the DGC if at all/ the eldest MiL will babysit for an hour or so if asked but would never ask to see them and never has them to stay and the eldest grandchild is 9.

The youngests MiL just isn't interested in the children. She has only babysat the 4 yr. old once for an hour and would NEVER ask to see them or have them. She just wants to see her son. She has never had the 2 year old and never done any babysitting. She doesn't really know them at all and despite my daughter dutifully visiting every week its not because she wants to see the children at all . And she lives 5 mins from them !!

She has one other grandchild and its all about him , although they have now moved 3 hours away so she might have put all her eggs in the wrong basket there !!

Having no interest in the GC is one thing but many of the mums say that the GPs beg for visits and drivel on about their GC on facebook then ignore them in reality. Weird.

If it was my parents acting like that, I'd ask them why.

We are similar to you NanaandGrampy the 3 DGC have their own room at ours . Infact most of the house is taken over by their stuff and like you our house is their second home . I don't think I would have it any other way. They grow up to quickly anyway.

BUT ... how likely is it that someone would come on this thread and say 'I ignore my grandchildren'?

Well i am very interactive with my grandkids I dont see the ones in NZ very often but the ones closer have their own bedroom at mine and a cupboard full of toys (now they are older not so many but they have a key so can come and go if I m not in) My ones that live in Ireland i go and get every summer for 2 weeks and then take back (all at my expense)i take them out each day to the beach, the park, we eat out, rainy days cinema or indoor rollerskating or pool I sometimes think I m TOO interactive Wouldn't have it any other way At the end of their holiday I make and send them a little album of photos and they love going back over them

That's very true Anya . I guess what we're saying is that for every uninterested grandparent there are many who are an involved and integral part of their grand children's lives.

I agree Gilly , I cherish these years because there will come a time when they won't be keen to come and this is my time to be involved with them.

It's the old, old story... you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives. Why waste your time being dutiful sons/daughters/grandchildren/whatever when it's clearly not appreciated, and you could be elsewhere, enjoying yourself with people you actually get on with? Life's too short, folks... and it's not a rehearsal.Fortunately, we have a great relationship with our Grandchildren, which we've consistently worked at, but it's been a labour of love. However, there are other relatives who don't even get Christmas cards these days as we have zero in common. Keep it simple... :-)

My MIL was just like that. She made a huge fuss on arrival, usually with gifts like gigantic teddy bears then ignored the children and followed me around talking about anything and everything other than the family. My ex husband had little interest in our children but I am told is inordinately proud of his grandchildren so I was amused to hear my DIL commenting that when he visits he spends more time following her around asking questions than interacting with the children. Nevertheless she invites him over so the children know who their Grandad is.
Some people just don't know how to behave with children. Some people don't even like their company .

I read that whole thread, and what I noticed was that a lot of the GPs lived a good distance away. They were not used to being surrounded by youngsters as many of us are.

They say they dote on them, but when they arrive they are completely out of their comfort zone and don't interact in the way that comes naturally to those who are used to regular contact.

I have seen it in my own family, GPs who live far away, get all excited and then after the first burst, sit on their kindles etc. My DD often mentions it.

I don't understand it myself, but if I were faced with little strangers, I might not know what to do either. I think I would still have a good try at amusing them though.

My Mum was distant with my children, they had to amuse themselves - but then she was the same with me. My Dad (who was 75 when my son was born) thought children should be seen and not heard. I play with my grandkiddies - dressing up games when they were tiny, painting, making things, jumping in puddles -all the stuff I did with my own two when they were little. Sadly my husband passed away 18 years ago but if he was here he would be joining in too as he was always a big kid himself at heart. Their other Grandma and Granddad treat them more as smaller adults and play card/board games and colouring/crayoning etc with them (but they are 10 years older than me). I have the day to day care of my three grandchildren as my daughter is now a single parent and works full time - I love the time I have with them (although like all kiddies they do have their moments!)

I think the fact that they rarely see them is the root of the problem. They do not know these children and do not know how to interact with them...simples

I love my grandchildren very much,im proud of their achievements and we look after the youngest 20 mths at least once a week for the day. When younger I did the treasure hunts,painting ect. Now at 63 I have ill health, I've had two new knees in 12 mths and have fibromyalgia amongst other things. I just can't find the energy to keep up with them, its just too much some days.I know my children complain as the kids have let it slip, but I can't be all things to all people I'm sorry!.I always take them out to woods or beach for a run round but apparently it's not enough for one DIL.

My mother was pretty much like that, but then she wasn't much interested in me either once she was widowed. I am happily not like that and now they have moved back to the UK I am wallowing in their company, everything from dirty nappies to tantrums has a bit of joy in it if you choose

I'm always playing with DGS! It's his mum who does the ignoring...

We don't see our 2 year old GS as often as we'd like, due to their work commitments, ours and theirs busy lives etc, which I completely understand. However, we've just had a weekend with him, + his mum and dad, at our house and it was wonderful. We all met at a local Air museum, as he loves planes at the moment, so there was 'something to do' initially. At home we (and hopefully he) were just happy to potter around - looking at the garden, playing with a few bits and pieces we'd bought from the Charity Shop and acquired from relatives, doing chores etc... incredible how fascinating emptying the washing machine and getting the washing in can be when you're two! I
I think my point is that if we want to see our GCs (us GPs I mean) we have to make a bit of an effort. I was careful though not to overwhelm him and to let him spend a bit of time just being a two year old and, yes that meant in front of CBeebies sometimes. It didn't take much effort either.
However, I don't post on here and especially on FB how much I miss seeing him and/or how cute/loveable he is, although he is, of course! From the Mumsnet posts it seems that some GPs, usually the ones who are uninterested in real life, do just that. Interesting that. Hmmm...

Just also remembered that my Mum did much the same as we did - involving my children in her everyday life. They still remember those times now they are extremely grown-up young men. It's the simple stuff which matters.