does anybody else make really stupid mistakes?

Let 'em get on with it, Kate13. Nothing like a family holiday to make you wish you'd stayed at home.

Have another

I hope it all settles down for you. Hopefully people will relax eventually. I went on one exactly like that, though, but it was my sister and BiL and his parents and all of our children. Sister ended up leaving Cornwall and going back home, leaving me to cope with all the children, and BiL (unfaithful) to be sorted out by his mother. Poor woman. I do remember it as being my worst holiday ever, so I really hope it improves for you.

We came home early with our two DGDs but were so frazzled it's taken two days for DH to speak (as opposed to carp). Haven't heard from DS yet, suspect he's as ** off as we are. I know there's no solution but it gives me a lift to get some empathy. janerowena thank you for sharing your experience. It kind of put things into perspective and I have taken your advice merlotgran - cheers!

A family holiday where one couple is about to/likely to part sounds grim for everyone! I think you have done well to survive it. What a shame your well-meant arrangements fell foul of this marital strife. All you can do is enjoy being back home and leave OH to stew a bit.

So sorry your holiday has been so awful Kate. On the plus side, I expect it made just relaxing at home feel like a holiday! Perhaps you can have a short break with your husband later in the year to make up for it.

Speaking for myself, I find holidays can be quite stressful anyway. It is quite a big expense and there is so much pressure to enjoy yourself. Sometimes the anticipation is better than the actuality.

I have had many holidays that have been stressful. After my dad died, mum came on holiday with my husband and I every year. On her first holiday abroad, we arrived at a really beautiful hotel in Camp de Mar, Majorca (a last minute deal where we really struck lucky). As soon as mum walked into the really fabulous bedroom with a huge verandah overlooking the sea, she grumbled that there was no kettle/tea bags like there is in English hotels. She also tends to get a bee in her bonnet about something she wants to buy - one year she wanted a fold up fabric shopping bag, another year some linen hankies, another a white "gypsy" skirt, and we had to go traipsing around looking for them. By the time we got back to England our nerves were in shreds (mine particularly as my husband had become increasingly grumpy - understandably).

Being gluttons for punishment, another year we invited both mum (then 83) and her old brother (then 85). I thought it would cheer him up as he had lost his wife and was feeling very down. He is not the most sensitive of characters and mum spent half her time crying about the things that he said to her.

The best holidays we've had have either been just the two of us or with my daughter and grandson/son and partner and grandchildren. Add too many people to the mix and I've found it to be a recipe for disaster.

We NEVER go on holiday with ANYONE and that includes family!

The only time we broke our golden rule is when we went to Spain with a couple about 12 years , what an absolute nightmare. we haven't spoken to them since , it was just diabolical !

So we trot off on our own and enjoy every minute!

Kate13 Sorry to hear the holiday was stressful rather than a recuperative. I think i'd keep a low profile and let the couple concerned make the decision on their own. That way you won't be 'blame' whatever they decide!

Nonu we manage to have happy holidays with just each other and then others, equally as great fun, with friends. We are off in October on a cruise with two good mates and then to Italy in the spring with 5 friends. In between we have some weekends away just the two of us!

Enjoy !!

As we will on our next holiday!!

But then maybe you haven't been on holiday as we did , with the couple from Hell !!

[tbhmmm]

Wash your hands of the whole lot of them. It's up to your DS and his almost ex to sort out their own situation and although you must be concerned for your GC, it's odds on that if you don't keep out of it, you will inevitably be in the wrong. Relax. Are you ready for another or is it time for a ?

I do understand though. It's like Christmas, you plan all year what a lovely time you are going to have and sometimes it can all go horribly wrong. All it needs is one person being 'off' to ruin it for everyone else, when you have been so looking forward to seeing them all.

Also just remembered another awful holiday with BiL and ex-SiL. They hadn't told us that they were about to split up, she spent the whole time in any room that the rest of us weren't. She was leaving him because they couldn't have children together and he refused to use a sperm donor. As she had only been saying a year or so before that that she was going to start a family soon and when I brought it up she bit my head off, I was very confused. She was just waiting for us to leave before she left - why didn't they just cancel the holiday? We had our baby son with us, so it must have been awful for both of them.

That's sad janerowena.

Some of our friends just don't understand why we love being with them for the day but don't want to go on holiday with them.

We have upset or lost some friends because we have declined a holiday with them.

I know that if I agreed I would return to my old job as family mediator where I am trying to keep everyone happy and I would be thoroughly stressed out.

Holidays are just that! Away from everything and that includes family.

However, we did holiday several times in big houses in the wilds of Scotland, with two other families very successfully. We all had young teenage boys. It was great all the Dads reverted back to teenage boys and went off, sailing, climbing, cycling etc. mums were left to laze,read, potter in nearby town. Everyone chipped in at mealtimes. We all remain good friends.x

Yes NanKate thoroughly stressed out just about sums it up. Then the news breaks that (nearly ex) DiL wants to get back with DS.... after all that has been done and said. My head's just turned to mush .I feel like yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE" at the lot of them.

It's a tough one Kate13 but the more you can stay in the middle without voicing too many opinions could be to your benefit.

I quite wrongly thought that when my only son grew up that would be the end of family worries, how wrong I was !

I too assumed that I'd be let off the hook once DS (and DD) were adult. The family "holiday" had its use though - a week with his wife and in-laws in the middle of nowhere focused his mind . He got back, and finally, after 18 months of trying to be reasonable and patient and waiting for her to be the same, it suddenly dawned on him that it wasn't going to work out. He's gutted but relieved that he now knows what to do. I was so relieved that I came off the phone , burst into tears and went to bed. As you can see, I m not getting much sleep but at least every one else is. As my gran used to say : They make your arm ache when they're young and your heart ache when they're older.
my solution? =.Anyone out there want to join me?

I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning KatyK and have managed to sleep.

Sorry I meant Kate13. There are quite a few of us Kates on GN.

I have always been rather envious of families who go on holiday together. My DD wouldn't dream of asking us to holiday with them. Maybe I should re-think after reading the above. We go once a year with my sister and brother-in-law and always have a great time with never a cross word.

I'm thinking of having a beach holiday next year with my children and granchildren but I shall have to pay for a cottage..it's the only way that they would come with me. And it would have to be without the S.O. He has a holiday home but only allows one of my children to join us there; you can imagine the problems that this has caused . My neighbour has a couple of holidays in Cornwall and each time at least one member of their family plus partner/grandchild goes with them. I often wonder why they are such good/fun company compared to me. In the past [when married] I used to like having friends come on holiday with us; we seemed to get on better [more difficult to argue with friends around, I found].

Thanks NanKate. I'll feel better when I've seen DS face to face. Funnily enough I have no great urge to do this at the moment. Frightened of saying the wrong thing I guess. My DD phoned him last night and got her head bitten off. Mind you , as older sister was hmmm .....trying to voice her opinion!