Alcoholism

Fortunately not. If you are in this situation I feel for you.

There are so many kinds of alcoholism. I know quite a few who are very successful 'functioning' alcoholics. Never ever 'drunk' as such- but cannot function without drinking fairly copious amounts on a daily basis- and whose liver is at risk of serious damage in the long-term.

How do you define an alcoholic? Somebody who falls in the gutter, someone who is unable to get up in the morning to go to work? Or someone who is very successful in real life but cannot fathom an evening without abottle of wine followed by a couple of good malt whiskies at bedtime?

Thank you ninathena , I didn't know the pain and damage this illness causes families until recently , a kind word is appreciated

Not personally but my heart goes out to anyone who reaches a point whereby they think the answer is in a bottle and equally when I have seen how their families have been affected and I fully understand why it is known as 'a family illness'.

I know this won't be everyone's view but I look upon alcoholism as a mental illness and thankfully there is much more support, help and understanding for alcoholics.

I was married to an alcoholic and he is still alive today some 30 odd years later. A couple of years ago he was extremely ill (he is my youngest daughters father and she is very attached to him). He had a lot of hospital treatment and now thankfully is dry and leading a normal life having drunk solidly for what must be a good forty years from breakfast till bedtime. Treatment is much better now and people can be helped but they must want to as I am sure you know. I feel for anyone in a relationship with someone to whom alcohol is everything. I hope this is not you but clearly you have concerns about someone. I dint get help when I was married to this person - no-one believed me that there was a problem even when they foreclosed on the mortgage and I was black and blue physically and mentally- there is a lot of help now pleas don't be afraid to ask. I send you Best wishes.

sue thankfully those days are over when not only the alcoholic was in denial but also their families and friends who were aware of the stigmatism attached to this condition and those who classed them as just another drunk.

Agus is correct, there is an emerging and growing move towards being proud in recovery from addiction in the UK, I attended this initiative (link below) a few years ago in Brighton, it was extremely moving to see all the people walking with their families:

www.ukrecoverywalk.org/

This year the recovery walk is in Manchester. It is to show these communities that there is help available and that there is always hope.

Earlier this year one of the Gransnet members wrote on these forums about going in to rehab for alcohol dependence, and several GN members wrote to her in support about their own experience of alcoholism.

People overcome adversity, including addictions.

I think there is still a huge amount of denial out there. Especially with functioning alcoholics- as they are succesful, have good careers, do not fall in the gutter and are never 'drunk'- it is ignored. Also I feel there is a lot of 'but everyone does it so it is normal' out there too. This kind of alcoholism is very very insidiuous, as it does pass 'ignored and un-noticed' until severe damage is done. It is estimated that at least 1/3 of British people are risking their liver by regular drinking (as said without ever being drunk).

granjura you are sooooo right. Even the doctors joke about it...no harm in the odd glass of wine, knowing full well it isn't an odd glass.Im married to someone who falls into the category of which you speak.

Yes annie, I have experience of having a loved one who had/had dependency issues. Loving an individual who is dependent on substances, whether it's alcohol or prescription/street drugs is emotionally exhausting.

I don't think it's particularly helpful to enter into an intellectual debate about what needs to be happening before a drink problem can be named 'alcoholism'. If your loved ones drinking is causing you to worry, then it's a problem. best wishes in working your way through this one anniebach

It took courage to ask but am glad now I did. Iam64 you are so right, an intellectual debate doesn't help even if well meant . I am desperate for someone / anyone to understand the despair of not being able to do anything to help or to have met with ' sorry patient confidentiality '. To be told there is nothing you can do, just get on with your own life , when they are speaking of a woman aged 45 but I am speaking of my child

My adored daughter had bouts of anxiety , I advised she spoke to her GP, the advice was - you are a mother of three, a town councillor , school governor, working for several charities , you need to relax , have a glass of wine in the evening it will help you relax, so she did. That was five years ago, one glass became two , this became a bottle then two. This loving wife , mother, daughter walked out in her family three years ago, has attempted suicide four times, has been sexually assaulted, hit, her children now 22, 17 and 14 call her Voldamore. She lies, steals money from me, telephones me begging ' Mum please help me ' she is 5ft 9 inches and weighs just over six stone! her beautiful blue eyes have no laughter , and she is grieving for her father who died when she was seven . Six weeks ago we finally got her into the physcistric hospital - she had jumped in front of a car - I begged them to keep her there, they did for ten days and for four weeks after I could see glimpses of my daughter as she use to be. Last week she was back with the bottle and I am frightened , tired , I am supporting her husband with the children , the eldest is still looking for work a year after gaining his degree and the two girls are studying A levels and G.C.S.E's . And a month ago my younger daughter miscarried twins following a 14th attempt at IVF

I am so sorry for saying all this, I am not wallowing in self pity, I am angry and in despair and so very tired

Aniebach there is nothing I can say other than I am so sorry to hear about your terrible family problems. The only thing I have experience off is like you, the frustration of patient confidentiality with grown up children, in my case a son aged 19 who was depressed to the level of suicidal thoughts, and I felt so helpless. Have you tried contacting any of the organisations who help the families of alcoholics? AlAnon and such may be of help? So sorry for your troubles.

Annniebach for you and both your daughters x

Aniebach I have been there with an alcoholic husband my 3 childrens father, I could not save him and had to divorce him to save my children from seeing his decline. Sadly he could not be saved.
I can only follow the others who say contact AlAnon for support I can almost hear the despair in your voice.. hang in there I hope your daughter can find the strength from somewhere to get help again..

Annie and hugs.

Anniebach what a tough time for you and your family. There's plenty of room on here to unburden if it helps at all. I know it doesn't solve the problems but there are so many of us who understand and want to be supportive, and there'll be Gransnetters with good, practical advice, too.

Anniebach I can hear your anger, fear and despair, and no apology needed.

I'm also going to suggest AlAnon, and Alateen may be helpful for your younger grandchildren.

Take care of yourself.

Anniebach I am so sorry that you are having such a terrible time. I hope the comments and suggestions here are of help to you.

Anniebach I am so sorry here to help/listen

Anniebach my heart goes out to you. Alcoholism is a terrible thing. I am finding it difficult to say anything that will be of any comfort to you, I so wish I could, you are in a very lonely place at the moment.

I have been there. If ever I can help, listen or anything, just ask.

Anniebach I wish I could help, I've seen a lot of heavy drinkers during my life, but I haven't had to deal with a family member.
Please let it all out on here
Best wishes and (((hugs)))

I feel so very sad for you reading this and send (((hugs))) and . You are so busy supporting others that you have not been able to lean on anyone. Obviously All Anon comes to mind or your doctor may be able to suggest other groups but for you rather than your daughter. Right now I reckon looking after yourself is the most important thing. More (((Hugs))), I so wish it was possible for us to offer you more xx

Annie I can offer you no advice but do offer you (((hugs))) and .

Remember to unburden yourself on here if you have no where else!

Anniebach I am so so sorry you are having such a worrying, exhausting and frightening time with this. I have no experience of the subject at all- so can only say I am thinking of you.
I really hope you find the right support. Psychiatrists and doctors though will not share patient information- for all sorts of (generally good reasons) even with the closest family, be it about depression, any addiction, or even anorexia/bulimia even in minors.





PS- my initial message was not about an 'intellectual discussion' on different types of alcoholism. But to ascertain what we were talking about here.
The only alcoholics I've known, and not so close to me- have been highly functioning ones- who are very good at hiding it as just being 'social'. Which is no less dangerous- perhaps more in a way, as it is so insidious and kept 'hidden'.