How much I hate it.

I suspect the thought of job hunting again is the main cause, phoenix. It must feel like trying to climb Mount Everest in a pair of worn out trainers.

Is there a friend or relative you could stay with for a few days to give you a bit of break from worrying about the things you are worrying about?

Hope you are feeling a little more like your old self before too long.

Yup - that sudden sinking feeling and you think "Oh b****r - here we go again."

You need some weapons in your armoury for these moments, so that you do not feel helpless and impotent.

Try some of these........

Sometimes it is possible to abort it by exercising, moving around, going for a walk. I know that sounds trite - but it can work. It gingers up different chemicals that have gone into the doldrums. Find an exercise vid on YouTube and give it a try.

Another CBT (and similar) trick is to visualise in your head placing the miserable feeling on a train and watching it vanishing over the horizon. And do it every time it comes back.

Similar idea is to have your conscious brain (the one that is looking at what you are thinking and wishing it away) and say "Well thanks a heap for coming back, but you can just FO." Quite a good trick that one, as it acknowledges the bad feelings and the anger at their return, but puts you in control.

I know that some people find it hard to try these sort of ideas, but they really can work if you persist.

Don't be frightened - put yourself in the driving seat.

If you cannot find a technique to help, then phone a friend - really, you should not sit and suffer alone.

And there is always the doc if you feel that is the route you should follow.

Don't give up - you've conquered it before and can do so again.

Having teetered on the edge from time to time I sort of know a little of what you are going through and to be honest outside problems and situations are really only the black cherry on the top. Depression comes without reason and is often impossible to explain to oneself let alone others.

I hope you have proper help when you need it most and hope that you find a little joy from time to time.

I have long since given up seeking 'proper' employment as I'd just be a liability and thankfully do not need it to survive but one of the things that I have found most useful is nerving and pushing myself into voluntary work for quite a challenging cause (for me) - adult special needs. It works on many levels and I'll cheerfully admit I am quite selfish in doing it. So many of the paid employees in this field are amazing caring people and so many of the participants and their families cope with far more than I will ever have to...so it really puts me in my place and helps me to get a proper sense of perspective.

All the best phoenix, you are not alone in this.

Is there any way you could get back into riding phoenix? There's something very calming and happy making about the company of horses; something I miss since being horseless [although don't miss the work involved].

Sorry you are feeling so down Phoenix I hope it soon passes. Being on your own doesn't help. I have only felt it once (moving house and DH away at sea) so I know it can really lay you low. A very good friend came to my rescue. I once read that traditional advice in days gone by was 'Be not solitary, be not idle'. Do you have a coffee morning or anything in the village where you can be with people? Look after yourself, we'll be thinking of you.

I'm already on Dosulepin, smallish dose, have been ever since Jack died.

The bloody thing is when it's like this I don't seem able to do sod all, I give my self a bloody round of applause for having a shower.

Every night I make a mental list of things to do the next day, like clean the window frame of the "office", where I'm currently sitting. Tomorrow is always wonderful, today is crap.

Wish I could wave a magic wand but consider yourself {{hugged}} re horses- helping with Riding for the Disabled?

I don't really get depressed myself but I recognise what you're saying because I see the same thing with DH. Anti depressants help him a bit but it just strikes out of no where. To be honest he's been a bit better since he was diagnosed with cancer - I think it's given him something else to occupy him.

Don't start beating yourself up about it. Why not give yourself a round of applause for having a shower? Just getting out of bed can be an achievment. I think depression is like pain, when it strikes you can't remember what life was like without it. Worrying about things you ought to be doing only makes every thing worse. Exercise is a good thing though I notice DH is always more cheerful if he's been fairly active. Just a couple of turns round the garden - no pressure, no little jobs to do while you're out there, just enjoy the moment.

Phoenix

phoenix I can understand why your feeling so low. It's been an uphill struggle anyone would feel deflated. Just hold on tight. Your comment about giving yourself a round of applause for getting a shower resonated. I remember feeling that way last December. You do have a way with words. ((((Hug))))

Much sympathy. I suffer with SAD, so am currently making the most of feeling happy and not taking anything at all, but come October I shall be back on the tablets.

Music from an era that makes me happy is good, digital radio stations that only play that music are a boon. I don't like daytime television but there's no denying that happy cheerful voices can help to lift your mood. Phone a friend or family member. Go for a walk. Cook something nice. Read funny books. Practice singing new songs. All things I resort to, but I realise they might not work for you.

Not shopping though, that doesn't work at all.

phoenix - sending positive thoughts your way.

Phoenix I really feel for you. I've suffered depression since being 27 when I lost a baby. On and off, but for long times when it does come. I had a bad bout when my daughter left for uni eight years ago and it has taken me some time to get back to normal. In saying that, you wonderful people on here have helped me out immensely over the last few weeks. I look forward now to chatting to you all.

As for the shower, I know that feeling too. Just getting into day clothes can be a struggle. And phoning or talking to someone can feel like you're moaning on and going over old ground and boring people. You find out who your friends are with depression, I can tell you. I've lost some friends but if they didn't want to help me through, then they weren't true friends. And some family too. So I had to help myself. I painted my toenails, listened to "new" music (other music held too many memories), did window sill gardening (even watching some cress come up can be cheering), bought cake (sod the diet), ordered online some crafting things (canvases, paint, embellishments etc.) and made up some christmas canvases for friends and family, I watched comedy shows (I know this sounds daft when depressed but laughing or even smiling at the jokes can release endorphins into the system to make you feel better. It felt false at first but I kept going, better than watching a weepy movie.)

Write your list, but only aim to cross off a third of it while you are feeling bad and give yourself a pat on the back for this. Put simple things on like get out of bed, make a cup of tea, breath in deeply at the back door, eat something that's good for you, that sort of thing. If you crowd your list with things you would normally do, then you set yourself up for a fail because you are not well enough just yet to take these things on. Delegate for a bit. I don't know your situation but if you can let someone else cook or wash up, do some housework. If you do live alone, find a cleaner to help you out.

My son is going through this at the moment and he is on his summer break from college. I ask him to help around the house and all he wants to do is play on his computer (he does help a bit from time to time but it's a struggle). That may be just being 17 or it may be being depressed so I try to suggest going out but I don't push it because I know what it feels like. He will come out the other side, he is currently seeing a counselor.

It feels like a black tunnel with no light at the end. But there is. And we are all here for you. Please stay in touch. Even if all you do in a day is chat to us you have still achieved something. Take care and be good to yourself. Xxx

phoenix - I can't add anything to what the others have said except to send you (((hugs))) and to say that you know we are always here for you!

It will pass

phoenix I think at times like this you need professional help - maybe a change of medication - please see your GP.

phoenix, Riverwalk beat me to it, you need to see your GP as it sounds to me that you need a change of prescription. Having read your posts I am well aware of your work situation but I am ever hopeful that something will turn up .

You express your feelings so well Phoenix and your words resonate with all those of us who have teetered on the edge of depression or fallen into it. I hope it helps a bit to know that we do understand and empathise.

I used to think the only way to cope when I was very down was to go to the nearest train station and get on a train - any train to anywhere - it didn't matter so long as I left my "black dog" behind. Of course I didn't do it - some sense of duty always held me back. As I have got older I don't seem to have those feelings of wanting to escape any more. Perhaps it's the raging female hormones diminishing? Somehow we get through. My dear old Dad used to say "When the going gets tough take it a day at a time and when that's too much take it an hour at a time". That has helped me many times.

It's hard to break out of the downward spiral and trying to summons the strength to do it can be daunting. So much good luck and supportive thoughts are winging their way to North Devon Phoenix. I wish you very soon.

P.S. What does Sprout have to say about it?

Not much I can add, but look after yourself and the kitties.

Many thanks to you all for the support, it really is appreciated. I think you are right, I should go back to my GP. I've got the dreaded dentist today, so once that's sorted I'll make an appointment.

I'm so sorry Phoenix. Depression is the most beastly horrible thing. I speak as long term sufferer myself. But my doctor put me on Citalopram and it's been a great help. However, she is now insisting on taking me off them for a while and already the black dog is within sight.
I do hope you can get some real help from your GP very soon. Sending you a big friendly (((((((hug)))))))).

phoenix thank you for making the effort to answer me when I was so down (and paranoid) last week. All the answers I got really helped too.

Yes, do go back to the GP.
Talk to friendly people too about whatever. One of the good steps I made was to catch my neighbour across the road and ask her about another neighbour in hospital.........just a friendly talk helped!
And we are out here.

Alie no need to thank me, I find it much easier (and sort of therapeutic) to do things for others than I do to try to sort myself out!

I think it's called displacement activity, or something like that.....I suppose it could also be called a cop out!

phoenix I am sorry you are having a bad time and I do know a little of what you feel having had various treatment and therapies on and off. We are all here for you so don't be alone with this thing. I hope it lifts for you soon

Keep your chin up PHO!!