Relocation

What a wonderful adventure. I do wish you well.

I am sure that you will find lots of ways of settling in and making friends. Find a community choir; join the U3A or WEA, gardening club - or even the good old WI. Volunteer for something - a charity or as a theatre steward. The list is endless - you are very lucky to be setting out on this new venture.

I hope your move goes well Granny1 quite an adventure.

When I retired I decided to make a conscious effort to make new friends, other than my old work colleagues. Some things worked better than others.

I joined my local WI and it took me about 18 months to feel accepted. One or two of the members took a dislike to my straight forward manner. However I hung on in their and now after about 4 years have made some lovely friends and I feel part of a supportive group.

I joined the U3A and felt over whelmed by the large numbers of members at the meeting so no longer attend, but I do go to U3A Rummykub.

DH and I visit plenty of Nat Trust places here in the South East. I don't know the area you are moving to, but life is pretty busy here down south.

So try a few clubs, be prepared for a settling in period, and very best of luck.

Granny1 good luck with the move - how lovely to be nearer your family. We were new here 5 years ago and tried several things. We are lucky to have a large indoor bowls club which DH goes to and has found himself a new 'career' as a bowls coach- he does love ball games. We both play golf and that is quite difficult to pick up and takes a big investment of time and money and I wouldn't say golfers are the best conversationalist - golf golf golf (yawn). I have tried several volunteering roles which weren't entirely successful until I found one that used former skills and I would recommend doing that. I am going to join a local WI next month - I didn't have a good experience the first time round in a small village where all the members had been there for 30+ years but the one I have found here has a good mix of ages and a varied programme. I didn't enjoy U3A but they differ from place to place. We are also joining NADFAS in September which is reported to be very good if you enjoy the Arts. I enjoy cooking so am trying out lots of new recipes. I hope it works out well for you - let us know how you get on.

Granny1 enjoy! Look forward and not back and it will be great. We retired and moved 6 years ago and haven't regretted it for a minute and we are not even near family!

Join or don't join, whatever suits you. We thought we would 'join' but haven't had time! All those things are out there when and if we have the time. What has changed for us is doing so much together now that we can. We feel we have got the balance right and are very happy. I hope you will enjoy it as much as we do.

We downsized a couple of years back. even though this town is near where we used to live, it was a bit of a culture shock!

I joined the local WI for the first time ever and was catapulted into the Presidentship within the year. I hadn't realised that I had been involved in a counter-coup. Again, made lovley friends, and enjoying it

Church members were a bit cold - took sometime to be accepted, but are now very friendly.

Granny1 - be prepared to go softly, sofly. join as many things as you can, then you can "un-join" if you feel it isn't to your liking.

Very good luck!

Really hope all goes well. We thought about move number six, away from family to the coast. However to leave our U3A would be very difficult, please give it a try. We are in various groups and met really supportive people. GOOD LUCK .

Good luck. I must confess I am struggling, as a widow having returned from living abroad for some years. Am near parts of my family but as the only singleton and I do feel isolated. Have tried joining various clubs, U3A, fitness class, etc, but really felt an outsider. I will keep trying but I guess for me its double whammy - new place and no husband.

We moved around quite a lot before retirement and I always accepted every invitation even if it wasn't my sort of thing. That way I met lots of new people.

Splendid! Having lived in the same village for 38 years we decided we wanted to spend more time by the sea for those lovely long walks with the dog and plenty of sea air!!
So, two years ago we took the plunge(!) and moved 80 miles away from friends and family........
We've been so fortunate in finding such a delightful area and have already met many delightful people, initially through a beautiful little church which is in the woods!! This has lead to other things including a local Gardening Club and Flower Arranging Society.
However, one does have to make an effort to join new things and meet new people!
I must say that the many lovely long walks have not been as frequent as I'd have like due to sorting out our new home and garden, but that is getting better and the walks will get longer!
Be brave and have fun.............we only live once!!

Not quite the subject of this thread but sort of connected so hope it's ok to jump in.
DH and I were renovating a bungalow by the sea for our retirement. Unfortunately he died before we moved in, but I still moved as he had put such a lot of effort into making it nice for us. That was 10 years ago. It is a long way from my children and I am considering moving in with my youngest daughter and family. That's if we can afford that size house in London!
I would like to know if others think this is a good idea and if anyone else has done this, what are the pitfalls. I will the give the same amount of money I invest in the new house to my other 2 children so they won't feel left out, and they all agree I should move sooner rather than later. But I am very independent and am worried because its an irreversible decision.

Help!

Grandmac, it is a big decision but can work well and I'm sure there will be many more intergeneration families in the future as it wil be the only way young people will be able to afford to get a house !
One thing I would say is make sure you have a large room for yourself so that you can go there ,shut the door and be able to get away from the bustle of family life when it all gets a bit much .
Over 50 years ago ( I was 10! ) my paternal grandmother moved in with us . It worked well mostly - she helped with the ironing and more or less took over the garden for many years.but she did interfere and became very difficult as she grew older. She lived until she was 93 and it was a huge commitment for my mother who always said to us"never let me live with you when I get old ". My mother still lives in the same house aged 92 but with my brother!!

Hi Granny1 it is an adventure and we only moved 27 miles!

DH and I were/are still working p/t (freelance) at the time of our move 4 years ago. Both our DDs had relocated here and it made the support for childcare easier.

The first 18 months were busy 'doing up' the new home and garden. I have started a new WI here and become a governor at a local school. That has really helped me to get to know people locally and I feel part of this small town community much more than I did living in the city suburbs. My new friends work in all sorts of different jobs and those who are retired are often volunteers in local charities including National Trust houses, charity shops and some are involved with the local Lions.

With my new friends I go walking, chat in a book club, have regular dining out dates ,visit local places of interest or just meet up for coffee!In our book group 5 of us are new to the town having moved here to support with childcare!!

DH is less involved as he works a bit more than me and I do worry what he will do when eventually he stops working. He is not a golfer or Rotarian etc. so that cuts out a number of potential contact places! There is a local history group and a U3A that he might find interesting but he is not as proactive as I am!

Change the front garden! Do it yourself. And maybe the house a bit. It worked for us and is doing so now for our new neighbours. Everyone walking past stops to chat and discuss your plans and you get to know your new neighbours!

Enjoy your new abode!

Thanks SusieB. Yes I am insisting on my own bedroom, sitting room and bathroom and preferably a kitchenette! Don't mind if they are combined into 2 rooms and bathroom. That's probably why we won't be able to afford a big enough house!! Luckily my DSiL comes from a culture where it is normal to have grandparents living en famille so he is quite unfazed by the prospect.

How lovely for your Mum to still live in the same house. And for you to go back to your childhood home when you visit. Wonderful.

Thank you so much for all the positivity. Just what was needed! Will let you know how we get on.

To Grandmac. I share a house with my d and her two children plus assorted pets. Although I do have my own rooms no closed door seems to keep the little ones out. Be prepared to say goodbye to quiet time on your own and any privacy. On the plus side you will never be bored.

I have never moved away from my family home but, due to the fact that the S.O. and I are both married and divorced we don't have any mutual friends. I felt very aware of this last week when we were on holiday. We're both very chatty and get to know people when we go away; the S.O. probably more so than me, but, when we went for a meal each night at the pub, although we seemed to know a lot of the locals [expecially the ones with dogs] there were other holidaymakers having meals with friends. How is it possible [or is it possible] to make mutual friends when you're in a second relationship? He has lots of friends as he was born and bred in this area, but they are 'his' friends. All of mine were very much my ex's friends and I no longer see them. I don't lose sleep over it, but it does make me feel sad sometimes. He seems much happier with it being just him and me most of the time. I didn't get on with my local u3a group when I tried it. We will try a walking group at some point but you can't 'make' friendships happen, can you. We did a two week coach holiday last year and I did enjoy the dynamic of being part of a group, but we're not planning to do that again for a while.

Thanks dogsdinner. I had already thought that I better enjoy my solitude while I can, as I think my daughter might be worse than my granddaughter for wanting to chat. I won't mind too much but will lay down some ground rules about when I really need some quiet time.

This is a good discussion. I am currently trying to pluck up the courage to relocate and it is interesting to read other views and also the views of those who live with multigenerational situations.
SPF

It is quite different moving to somewhere new when you are older than when you were young. When you are young you make friends, acquaintances, whatever easily – where you work, at the school gates, at toddler group, on the PTA, walking the dog and so on. Potential friendship is isn't quite so easily available when you are older and, perhaps, less likely to be involved in local stuff.

I have moved to the other side of the world in order to be with my only daughter and her family. That is just fabulous, if exhausting. However, I didn't initially make friends so easily as I had both in London, where I had lived most of my life, or in the North-east where we moved to for the three years before we emigrated. That had nothing to do with unfriendliness, just a rather different lifestyle. Two years down the line, I have people who are part of my life here, if not exactly bosom buddies. It works and, of course, I stay in touch with family and friends in the UK as well as on Gransnet.

It's always going to be a step in the dark but it always possible to shine a light.

We moved to a new area 5 years ago and it is great.
Much the easiest time for making new friends as lots of others are doing the same thing and not tied down by a job.
Join U3A and other organisations. NWR is good for women. Lots of volunteering opportunities.
Good luck.

The last thing I want to do is be negative but two of my friends have moved to be near their families. They have both experienced problems.

My single friend who lives now in a tiny village in Devon lives across the road from her DD. Her DD's marriage has just broken down so there is much angst. My friend used to live near a bustling town she now lives in what she calls Outer Mongolia with one Post Office Shop and a sporadic bus service.

The other couple moved to a seaside area to be near their GCs. However the children were growing up fast and had their own activities and weren't available to see their grandparents as much as they had hoped. The couple decided to move back here to the Thames Valley but could not afford the prices of the properties here, so have now moved to a completely new town and have had to start again.

I have learned a lot of lessons from these two examples as follows.

Make a list of all the things you will need in a new home town - good bus service, nearby shops, WI, U3A, hospitals. Also to bear in mind GCs grow up fast and have their own lives.

I have decided to stay put for as long as I can, but for those of you who decide to make the move I hope it goes well for you.

You do have to take care with where you choose and think to the future. A small village with poor public transport and few facilities will be difficult. It is a well know problem in Cornwall, a couple move to somewhere they loved on holiday and it is fine to start with but then one of them dies, the other suffers from ill health, public transport is poor and they are miles from hospitals etc and quite isolated- with 2 hours travel before you even reach Exeter.
I chose a small market town that lots of other people choose so plenty of 'in comers' and lots of activities. Public transport to 3 major towns ( 2 of them cities) and I can walk to doctor, dentist, shops etc.
Do the homework first and find out what the new place offers.

Grandmac - Please think very seriously before giving up your own roof and four walls. When it goes wrong as it almost certainly will eventually, (no matter how close you think you are to your family member), life becomes an absolute misery on an almost daily basis with no redress.

It's as true now as it ever was that you can't have two queen bees in one hive.