It's not just women who are abused.

I totally agree that emotional abuse should be legally recognised, regardless of whether the abuser is a man or a woman. Instances of women abusing men seem to be much rarer than the other way round. However, I suspect that they are reported much less frequently owing to the male sense of shame at being bullied by a woman and not "acting like a man". I hate the term "domestic violence" which somehow suggests that such violence is less serious and not so criminal as other acts of violence.

I do agree with you vampire queen. Such men are often called hen-pecked and they get laughed at. My FIL was a meek man who used to hide at the bottom of the garden! Women sexually abuse children too but that has only recently been acknowleged.

The same goes for rape, men get raped but it doesn't often get reported or prosecuted and it must be so hard for them to admit.

It's a step away maybe but it all seems on the spectrum of bullying to me and there is still far too much of that going on around us both physical and emotional.

I threw a little tin pepper pot at DH once. Caught him on the side of head. Small head cuts do bleed quite profusely.

You're absolutely right vampirequeen and it makes me really angry that this is ignored by the media. My son was in a relationship with a woman who was physically and emotionally violent towards him. He felt unable to protect himself in case he hurt her. He also felt sorry for her because of issues in her past, and made too many (IMO) allowances for her behaviour. Thankfully the relationship ended and he is now with a lovely young woman.

I agree with annie as well about the fact that the media ignores the sexual abuse of boys and sexual violence against males of all ages. I once complained to 'This Morning' when they had a slot with Denise Robertson about sexual abuse which spoke only about little girls. I got a very bland response which did nothing to convince me they understood this issue.

Good post*vq*!

When I was a volunteer for Witness Service, among the most difficult people to support were men who had been subject to Domestic Abuse! The hardest was a high ranking army officer who didn't want any of his 'men' to find out as they would lose respect for him! I also supported a surgeon who struggled even when giving evidence to accept that he was a ' victim'!

I think it's telling that round here the only people an abused man can turn to in these circumstances is Women's Aid!

My uncle finally admitted it a couple of years ago when he was arrested for harming his wife. He had dodged out of the way when she lunged at him. She fell and broke her arm. Their eldest son (who was also a wife batterer) reported him to the police. When he was being questioned at the police station he broke down, told them everything and showed them the scars from when she stabbed him, scalded him with boiling water and burned him. The police officers believed him and one told him that he too had been a victim of domestic abuse at the hands of his wife so understood how hard it was to talk about it.

They gave him an emergency contact number and told him to phone them whenever he was attacked. He did so at first but then decided he was wasting their time. His wife still lives with him. Now she reckons she's ill but she can still move fast enough to hit him or throw things at him. She also uses her illness to make his life even more miserable. He's a very fastidious, tidy man. She refuses to wash unless she's going out (he has to drive her), eats in her bed staining the sheets and leaving rubbish everywhere, phones him constantly if he goes out and, if he stays out for too long (in her opinion), she smashes up the house.

We tell him to leave her but he won't. He says he married her for better or worse til death they do part. He's in his seventies and sadly I think that's what will happen. I know this is horrible but I hope she goes first so at least he gets a few years of peace before his time comes.

I hate the term "domestic violence" which somehow suggests that such violence is less serious and not so criminal as other acts of violence

Good point. Never thought of that.

I think that if the name was changed, it might help the people being abused to see it in a different light too?

I agree that the word 'domestic' makes it sound cosy and contained, but I can't think what alternative could be used to describe the violence (physical or mental) that happens behind closed doors.

It is violence.

Good point soontobe

While some women are violent towards their husbands I think far more are verbally or emotionally abusive and I think making this a crime is not a moment too soon.

I think violence within the family; whether between partners, siblings, child abuse or elder abuse, is a very specific and separate form of violence. The intimate relationship between those involved and that the physical violence that occurs almost always involves mental and emotional abuse is less common outside family structures and brings with it its own particular problems. I think there is a good reason for specifically naming this type of abuse. If 'domestic' has overtones that seem to diminish the nature of this crime, why not familial. We separate and specifically name racial crime and child abuse because of their special nature. Why not crime within the family?

I think domestic violence is more often called domestic abuse now.

Even familial violence lessens it from violence.

It is violence.

I do not agree with you soontobe. I can see no problem with categorising violence. To me violence is violence. Domestic violence is simply violence that happens within a family group.

Using a phrase like 'domestic' or 'familial' or 'child' or 'racial' or 'homophobic' does not down grade the violence it simply states the parameters within which it occurred.

I understand why men can be reluctant to admit they are being abused because, if children are involved and the Social Services, it is usually assumed that the woman is telling the truth and the man is not. Men hate to admit they have 'failed' and often will put up with far too much from an abusive wife. It seems to me that some women are so manipulative, turning on the tears etc. that it is a lot easier for Social Workers to take what they say at face value and blame the man.

I understand why some men just give up and stop the fight to see the children when their wife uses them as a weapon.

Domestic Violence is not the same as violence which can happen on the spur of the moment, between strangers, and so on
DV is worse it is systematic, unprovoked, without warning , pre meditated, and is about dominance and control, often accompanied by financial and emotional abuse and sexual violence.

The actual legal definition is now Domestic Abuse to encompass all of this

I agree that it is worse.

But it sounds quite a bit better somehow, cosier, as Ana said.
And maybe it does not get anywhere enough seriousness and resources because of that.

Our police force is good, but got rapped because it was not good enough in how it deals with da.

Sometimes, changes in words, can make a big difference.

When it comes to physical abuse, men have the advantage most of the time.

A man has a good chance of defending himself against a woman, not so the other way round.

Men can't protect themselves. If they retaliate or even try to hold the woman off they're accused of being a woman batterer. We all thought my uncle was a wife batterer because she would show us the bruises on her wrists where, she would say, he had held her down. It was true that the bruises were caused by him holding her wrists but in was in an attempt to stop her injuring him further. On two occasions I saw the injuries for myself. Each time I was at my grandma's. The first time was when he arrived with blood pouring down his face and head. She had thrown a knife at him and it had cut his ear. She wasn't aiming for his ear, she was just throwing the knife so he was lucky it was only his ear. Another time he arrived with a knife sticking out of his thigh. He was in a panic and grandma had to remove the knife and staunch the bleeding. Each time we thought that she had resorted to knives in an attempt to protect herself from him and he received no sympathy. Now we know differently.

Just this week she attacked him because he had been out to lunch with us (the dreaded goodbye lunch on another thread). She decided he'd been too long and laid into him as he walked through the door. He ended up locking himself in the bathroom until she fell asleep.

A woman I think in Scotland spent 2 nights in the cells pver a weekend becsusr dhe "bopped" her husband over the head with a newspaper- not even folded up. I don't know what they'd have done to you jingl!

Sorry- bl***y phone plus "fat finger syndrome. I expect you got the gist however.

A man can hold a woman down. Usually a woman cannot hold a man down.

I boxed DH's ear once. He hardly flinched.

Not minimising what your uncle went through though vampirequeen.