My DIL is very competitive in all aspects of life so it hasnt been easy. She is also from a European country and disappears there at every opportunity. I havent had a Christmas, Easter, or more than a couple of days with my son for years and its worse now as his job is so demanding that even if I manage to visit them in their distant home he is likely to have to work. I have now asked, after years of keeping quiet, whether we could have a Christmas together on alternate years, especially since there is still scope for them to visit her home country after seeing us - the special day in her country is 6 January in any case. This was responded to only by my son who agreed it was perfectly reasonable. Having seen that Christmas flights were available to book the other day, I asked if I should book flights for myself and younger son while they were still so cheap. Panic ensued, with my son obviously in stress trying to keep DIL happy by not committing to any dates, saying there were many work commitments in the offing. I now feel they can jolly well come and find ME - but of course this plays right into DIL's hands....