How long do friendships last?

some friendships last some don't. Ive a friend whom I hav e known for 40 odd years, she visits when she feels like, I don't see her for months then sometimes twice in a week. Im not invited to her house, she lives with a partner whom I cant stand so its probably neutral. I met a new friend a couple of years ago and we got on so well, both grandmas, both wanted to keep fit and joined a class, then she started making excuses and said she was busy with family (moving house etc), so I gave her a little time then I texted her and she replied she did not know who I was.
I was enraged, she could have told me if I have offended her at least so I don't speak to her now shes not worth bothering with-plenty more fish in the sea, we all change with time and life experiences and friendships cant always stay the same

I've got one friend that I met at nursery school aged 4, we are now 56. We don't see much of each other these days but we stay in touch and maybe meet up once or twice a year. I've two more friends that I met in the mid 80s and again tend to keep in touch by phone or email rather than meet because of where we all now live. And I have one more friend who has been my penpal since 1979. We've only ever met three times. All my friends have been with me through my ups and downs and vice versa. Sometimes one or other of them drive me mad for some reason but I know I'd miss them if I lost touch entirely. Interestingly, all friendships made in more recent times have run their course but not these...I wonder why?

I have two close friends one I've know for 45 years the other for 25yrs. I don't see either of them on a regular basis as they live some distance away now. J and I text each other 2-3 times a week and G and I e-mail and phone each other.
G I have known the longest and is a very dear friend, I know all her family. When we do meet it's as if we'd never been apart. We know each other inside out. G had only met my mum 2-3 times but when she passed away last year G made the 2hr each way trip to 'to be there for me' at the funeral.
J and I met when our girls were at playgroup together. We don't have a lot in common these days. Sometimes I am reluctant to tell her what's going on in my life as I know her's is so different. However we do share the same sense of humour and still can have a good time. I admit I occasionally get a sinking feeling when her name comes up on my phone but unless she upsets me I know I will keep contact.

I don't do facebook and about 14 mnths ago I decided to "oh go on then I will join" well before long I think I had more people wanting to be my friend that I could have ever imagined! anyway one long time friend of about 35 yrs gave me another friends user name or whatever they use..and I just said "well this other friend has never contacted me in over 30 odd yrs why should I want to contact her now(she had ample opportunity when she was over in this country) and I closed my FB account...since then the first friend has not visited/emailed/txt (unless I have) so I gave up on that friendship, it hasn't bothered me and if we ever meet up we meet up etc etc ..but I don't go out my way anymore..

Kiora - I think it gets more and more difficult to keep contact as we get older - normal everyday routines seem to stretch on forever.
I've had 3 best friends at different stages of my life and even though we moved, kept some contact.
2002 was a sad year, as each of them lost their husband to sudden illness about the same time. My Mum, Auntie and a cousin also died that year.
I now have a good friend nearby, and hopefully we can grow old together.We confide in eachother and share moans about husbands etc.

I think I'm a bit odd - I've never been one for friends really. Maybe it's because I have 3 sisters, two of whom I am close to. Obviously I have a few friends but wouldn't really consider many of them close (maybe one but she lives a long way from me and we only really meet once a year now - if that).

Same here. Always been a bit of a loner and don't have any sisters. A lot of the friends I've had over the years have been men. I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people or visiting them [hate imposing on people]. I am hoping to rekindle a few friendships now I've retired and have more time, though, and find that the friendships I do have are ones where we can re appear on each others doorstep after 10 years and it's as if we only saw each other the day before, and those friends know that I'm always here for them.

I'm a bit like you Tegan. Not much of a mixer though, which automatically minimizes meeting people in the first place.
Have got friendly with a couple of ladies at work, and occasionally meet for a coffee in the school holidays (we are all teaching assistants), but not always.
I have 2 friends from way back (1 pre-marriage and children), but we can go months without seeing each other, even though we live not 20 mins apart.
And I catch up with an ex-neighbour once in each holiday (she works as a school escort so has same hols as me), either for coffee/cake here or at hers, or we tootle off somewhere and explore charity shops or garden centres.
Other than that it's just me and my feline companions, with the odd interruption from a DS or DGC.
Doesn't worry me too much, as quite like my own company, but the school summer holiday did give me a taste of what it will be like when I retire, and I didn't like it as much as I thought I would Maybe I just won't retire lol.

I have a 'best friend' who I've played with since I was two and she was three - we still ask each other if we're playing out! I love her like a sister. We drifted apart as young teenagers when our parents moved house and it was difficult to keep in touch. She went to Tasmania to teach and then I heard she had returned with her husband to have their first child, but I couldn't find her. Turned out she was looking for me, too.

We found each other on Friends Reunited about 13 years ago - we'd worked just a few yards apart from each other at one point, she was in the primary school whose playground backed on to the probation office I was working in. We lived a couple of miles apart for a few months, and now we're just nine miles away and often say it would be lovely to just nip through the garden for a cup of tea.

We see each other every couple of weeks and email and Facebook frequently. I have had lots of friends over the years, and valued their friendship very much, but I particularly cherish her friendship, as we've known each other for 63 years.

In answer to your post KioraI think we need different friends for the different ages that we are. We all change over time don't we?Sometimes the people we think of as best friends let us down and are unfeeling, sometimes it's us doing all the work keeping things going. I have dropped any friendships like this, I am me NOW and find friends who like me as I am now. I do have a few from way back, but don't expect too much from them.

I have known my closest friend for 58 years. We met at school and although our lives have been very different. I married and had children, she has never married and had a successful medical career, we are still in touch. We had a long conversation on New Year's Day and she is coming to stay next month. Over the years there have been times when we have drifted apart and then together again as our lives went their very different ways, but when my sister died in an accident she was the first non-family member I contacted and she was so supportive. When DH was severely injured in an accident again she was there, with helpful advice and reassurance.

I have other friends going back to university (50 plus years). I have recently rekindled a friendship with one friend from then and another friend of 35 years. All these friendships have been meandering affairs, close, drifting apart as none of us live near each other and because most of my close friends are unmarried, curious that. 5 years ago a close friend of 25 years standing died suddenly, that was a very volatile friendship, but I still miss her.I was asked to give the eulogy at her funeral, and sometimes reread it to remember what i have lost.

Good point about not needing friends so much if you have sisters. I have one sister, much younger than me and we aren't very close, so I've always needed friends.

I had two sisters, one has died, and although we were close, we were all very different and we have never lived close to each other since we became adults. I think a friend is very different from a sister. For one thing they are not related to you!

The friend I've known the longest, 56 years, called to see me last Friday.
She mainly lives in Barbados and comes over quite often, but I hadn't seen her for 11 years. Nothing changes between us really.

Most of my other friends are from an exercise class that I've been going to for 34 years and we are a great support network for each other.

There have been one or two 'friends for a season' but not many.

I have two sisters, and although I love them dearly, they are not my close friends. I'm the oldest, and I think I boss them about a bit! My friend and I went to school together. We have been close all our lives, and still are to this day. She lives near me, and we see each other a couple of times a week. Mr H gets on brilliantly with her OH, and we go on holiday with them a couple of times a year. I can't imagine being without her! I do have a few other friends too, and I think that these strong female friendships enhance my life.

My very best friend I have known since we were 7 and we are both 65 now. We were close until I married my first husband then drifted apart. She was in quite a controlling and unhappy relationship with a man 35 years older than her. She eventually left him and we met up again 17 years ago and have been inseparable since. We still have silly times, giggles and love each others company. Other friends are from work places and from when our children were small. My other very dear friend died 17 years ago (just realised how strange that is) of cancer, her daughter married my son 3 years ago and they have a baby now. A little bit of my friend to hug still.

Flowerofthewest that's a lovely comment your grandchild must be very special.

Two closest friends are from 28 and 26 years ago, we rarely see each other as one cares for a brother with cancer and the other has MS, and they live far away, but we email and phone and one is on Facebook. Contact is sparse but it doesn't matter at all, we help each other from afar in any way we can. They know each other but don't get on, which I always find strange and a bit sad. I have newer friends but those two are the ones I am closest to.

I have no sisters but a lovely, batty sister in law who serves in that capacity. Sometimes she irritates me to death, other times we can natter for hours on end about everything and nothing but we would always be there for each other.

I have two friends from when DD1 started school 34 years ago. We have been close for years but recently one of my friends started chemo and the other one disappeared from sight. She has now reappeared as though nothing has changed but we feel slightly funny about the whole thing. The friend who is going through chem and I are much closer now and aren't sure what to do.

Apart from those friendships, my friends seem to be friends for a season or a reason. I thought I was a loner but I have realised how much I value those two special relationships.

Strangely, I also had a friend who had an affair and used me for childminding duties, a cash machine and an alibi without my knowledge. When her husband found out DH and I were in terrible trouble with him for aiding and abetting her escapade.

The friendship between you 3 friends for over 30 years has been important part of all your lives. The fact one of you is having an affair, and involving others is lies and deceit is bound to affect your friendship. Your feeling low, and have drawn back, which is understandable. I know it's easier said than achieved, but try not to brood on this friendship while you aren't feeling at your best. Look after yourself and do what feels right for you.

My bestest friend is a girl I sat next to on our first day in Infants school when we were both three years old. I can still remember the colour of the dress she was wearing that day.

We are still girls, aren't we?

I do think friendships come and go. I have kept some friends for years and others I have allowed to drift away. It's perfectly natural for this to happen and it doesn't worry me at all. I have five loyal friends at the moment who I see on a regular basis except my dear friend Elsa who lives abroad. But we do Skype when we can and have a good catch up and a laugh. So Kiora if you are not getting any comfort and only heartache from your friendship to these two women, take a stand back from the relationships for a while and see if you can live without them. I am sure you will be fine.

The best last forever. Sadly some made in later life fall apart, for all sorts of sad reasons. Sometimes, tragically, you never find out why.