Are all families like this? (The women keep contact)

Oh yes - exactly so!

Yes, it's always the women!

I find, in my extended family, the three daughters of my eldest sister all have regular contact with me since their mum died. I tend to find out what is going on with the boys through my eldest niece. My other sister, also dead, had five boys, none of whom now keep in contact. I did send cards and letter for a while, but they were not reciprocated. I found it rather hurtful for a while as I was very close to their mother. Once she died, and then her husband, that side of the family sort of fell apart. I don't think the boys have much contact with each other now, let alone other members of the family. My DH has a large family who, to a greater or lesser extent, all keep in contact with each other, but as this thread implies, contact is perpetuated by the female members, rather than the males.

My Mum was the lynch pin of our extended family. I took over to a degree but as I live 500 miles from most of them, the mantle was taken up by my cousin's ex wife (yes, I know confusing) but she keeps us all together (apart from my cousin of course...). I know that one of my DDs will carry on the tradition for her generation of the ever growing family. The men always come to and enjoy the family 'do's' but never seem to be able to organise them - funny, that!

Have you ever read Susan Maushart's Wifework? She says "Whether employed or not, wives still perform an astounding share of the physical, emotional and organisational labour in marriage". It's certainly a known phenomenon!

I think it's too easy for men to reach adulthood without even realising this stuff needs to be done

certainly the case with our family- I am in touch with cousins and second cousins, etc, all over the world, both on his side and mine... dozens of countries and a handful of continents and cultures.

The women are generally the family glue! DH is pretty good but it only works when the family want it to work and whilst we have plenty of contact with the cousins there is none with his brothers and their families as his sisters in law are not helpful.

Yes,the women.

If it wasn't for me, my husband would have no contact with his family at all. So I do think our generation of women are the glue that hold things together. I'm not sure if that will carry on in the next generation though. I think the dynamics of family life have changed. Family members move away for work. So seeing each other is sporadic and that loosens the tie that binds us. looking back to my childhood the whole family were in daily or weekly contact. Thats less so now for a lot of families. It's amazing how we humans adapt to an ever changing world. At times I look on in awe at how this generation of women have such fast moving lives with very different expectation and values. I'm not sure I would have coped.

Yes same here-if I didn't organise it, it wouldn't happen.
Years ago I gave DH a pile of different greeting cards to sign-Suppose I thought he'd read them! So DD2 got a card signed by Mum and John (not Dad!). She thought I might have something to tell her. . . .
Frequently on my way out to choir I say, will you ring your sister? And the same with his brother in Oz-DH just wouldn't think to ring.

Well, I'm in the States, so I don't know if what I'm going to say applies to the UK as well or not. But here, in my day, most of the women/wives played the role you ladies are describing. But even back then, I knew of a few couples who divided the social tasks (invitations, birthday cards and so on) "in half," so to speak, with her taking care of her side and him taking care of his. And nowadays, I've noticed a lot of the young couples follow this "yours/mine" policy, including my own DDs and SILs, though they don't follow it as rigidly as some.

Jacky, your cousins in America may still do things the more traditional way. But they're in our generation, yes? So that may not reflect what's going on over here among the young.

Then again, I notice that despite the yours/mine stuff with cards and so on, my DDs seem to know more about their DH's relatives than their DHs do. So maybe that part hasn't changed even here in the US, LOL!

Yes, apart from my younger brother who always keeps in touch regarding anything and everything. My older brother leaves everthing to his wife and calls it, 'leaving it to the girls' which I find disparaging but DH reckons it's because she likes to be in control

I do all the 'keeping everyone together' in our immediate family and long may it last

When MIL died her family died.

OH! yes, it is always the women who are in touch, and keeping everything going. I wonder why that is? Perhaps it is because if women get together they will generally chat about their families and what is happening, whereas the men seem more inclined to talk about the latest football scores or sport. The men I know that is.The ladies talk, is of course much more interesting.

Yes. Never realised it before but definitely yes.

I remember my dad often asking my mum (who had a full time job + long commute) 'Have 'we' written to my sister (who lived in Long Island NY)'- and mum sarcastically replying 'yes, 'we' have'...

I am married to an only 'child' with no family. I too have no family and our eldest daughter lives abroad. Our youngest here but busy with her life. I would give a lot to have a loving family to see and hear their news and attend inevitable weddings christening and other family occasions. My friend has a large close knit family and tells me it isn't always easy, but she wouldn't change it for the world,. at times I do envy her.

Keeping the family together is what women do. I still organise all the meetings and visits we have with my DH's oldest friend and his family. I also bought his mum's and aunt's birthday and Christmas presents when they were alive.

My daughter is a feminist and quite feisty about women's independence. However, she was horrified when her dear BF forgot his mother's birthday and his dad phoned him with ire and disappointment. She knew that she was the one who was really getting the blame.

The dear men out the bins out. And we do all the rest.

my family is fairly spread out now so we don't keep in touch. all the "older generation" as in parents, uncles and aunts aren't around any more and we've lost touch with cousins a very long time ago.
i've also almost lost touch with my sister and her family - my choice as she behaved rather badly when my parents died - we only send birthday and christmas cards.
my brother will be moving permanently to america next month and marrying a lovely american lady so the only way we can keep in touch is via skype or viber. i'm not in touch with his son [must look on facebook to see if he's still there] but i do keep in touch with his daughter and family.
the only member of my ex-husband's family i'm in touch with is his sister and that's only exchanging christmas cards.
quite frankly some of my family i wouldn't choose at all - a couple of my friends are closer than family these days!

It's always the way. I did for the family, buying birthday and Xmas cards and gifts. Signed said cards etc. My DIL does it too. I'm the holder of the family photographs and memorabilia and when I die I will pass that onto my DD. I think women are more emotionally interested in family things then men are. Not a criticism just that's the way it is.

My Sil's mother died tragically 18 years ago when he was 21 and his brother 16.
Their father now has a new partner and she has not taken over the mum's role in keeping everyone together (I'm not judging her for that, why should she?).
The result is that my SiL, who lives away from the rest of the family, is practically cut off most of the time. His mother was the emotional conduit for the family as I am for mine.
My daughter feels very hurt on his behalf because she feels his family don't value or care for him, he's a truly lovely man who lost his family when he lost his mum.
I do my best to warmly welcome him and include him in our family do's but I can never be his mum.
Conversely, when my DH died suddenly two years ago both his brother and sister, who live miles away from me, were wonderful. They include me in all family events and treat me like their sister. As an only child that means a lot. My MiL brought her sons up to be emotionally intelligent, caring men. I like to think I did the same with my son.

I'm sure it is the women who keep the network going and remember all the birthdays! My second husband never remembers his children's or grandchildren's birthdays! I just get the cards and put them in front of him to sign!
I was an only child of parents youngest of their families after a gap, I hardly knew their families. In fact a cousin's wife turned up from Canada when my children were small and put me in touch with a cousin who was 23 years older than me - and we had a great friendship. I have 4 children and we are spread out but phone, email, text, FaceTime and get together when we can - a Big Birthday AND a wedding for 2 meet ups in July - hooray!

Interesting! I do all the birthday and Christmas cards for family and put them in front of my husband to sign, like others! Also we have regular extended family get together from time to time, and it is ALWAYS the women (me, DiL, nieces etc ) who organise, although the men are happy to attend. But my daughter does Christmas cards, thank you letters (for presents to baby) etc to her family and he H does it for his, which surprised me. However she says she buys them and nags him to do them!

I can remember my father refusing to read letters from his brother or sister. He'd say to my mother "you read it and tell me what they say....".