Gransnet forums

Relationships

Just too clean!

(20 Posts)
sluttygran Wed 22-Jun-16 18:02:20

My DD suffers terribly with OCD. She doesn't enjoy cleaning for its own sake, but feels compelled to keep her house completely spotless at all times. She has a lovely home, but can't really enjoy it as she hates inviting people round in case they 'contaminate' things. She has a dear little girl age two, who I look after for a few days each week while she works.

I was somewhat dismayed this afternoon, when DD came to pick up DGD and said "Oh, mum - when I'm rich I shall pay for you to have a cleaner so that you won't have to live in a dirty house!"

She is the kindest, most loving and attentive daughter, and I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but she has left me feeling rather grubby! I must also point out that I was given the nickname 'slutty' ironically, because I've always been a bit houseproud - you know, like Little John was actually very large!

I suppose I should shrug it off, knowing that she suffers a very real and distressing mental health problem, but I know that I shall be taking extra care to buff the house up before her next visit.

What do other Grans think - do any of you have a child who suffers with this compulsive disorder? I would do anything to help her, but am aware that it's probably not useful to adopt her excessive cleaning habits!

phoenix Wed 22-Jun-16 18:08:13

Has she actually been diagnosed with OCD, and is she receiving any sort of treatment?

TriciaF Wed 22-Jun-16 18:16:24

This does ring a bell with me. I really am a bit slutty, and even moreso if I don't wear my glasses. Eldest son is obsessionally clean, he admits it and says sorry I can't help it. When I stay with them he won't let me wash up for that reason.
They're coming to stay in August and I'm worrying already about things like cleaning windows.
And now eldest daughter - who is rather slutty like me, has a partner who is a bit OCD. They stayed with us in the autumn and he checked out the kitchen. We live in the country and often have mice in the house, and sometimes bigger creatures, all leave their droppings. So he was rather shocked.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 22-Jun-16 18:44:21

Please persuade her to get help if she hasn't already done so. Help is aailable. I know from first hand experience.

Wouldn't worry too much about what she thinks of your house. Just give the bit she sees a quick swish-on-the-surface round. smile

janeainsworth Wed 22-Jun-16 18:59:41

Shirley Conran's advice is invaluable I think - that if you simply tidy a room it immediately looks clean wink

annodomini Wed 22-Jun-16 19:13:56

Thanks janea, I really must remember that. Somewhere I have an old copy of 'Superwoman'.

Greyduster Wed 22-Jun-16 19:19:35

You have my sympathy. My DD has this problem to some extent. She has a fixation about her floors being clean. It has only manifested itself since GS was born, but now has a real hold on her and can make visiting a bit uncomfortable. She doesn't seem to have a problem with my house - just as well, as I am not the most attentive housekeeper.

sluttygran Wed 22-Jun-16 20:17:04

My daughter is hoping to have some treatment soon, but it will have to be private (and expensive!) as local NHS services don't extend to counselling unless you're seriously mentally ill.
Fortunately, she can afford some help, and she does have some insight into her condition.
Greyduster - my DD is the same, she doesn't have a problem with other people's houses - just her own. On reflection, I'm begining to think that her offer of a cleaner was motivated more by concern for me. I keep my house clean, but it's difficult as I am very arthritic. She has never openly criticised my housekeeping, so maybe I was being overly sensitive, knowing how she is.
Glad to hear that others understand my experience, anyway - this site is a Godsend to us worried Grans! smile

Luckygirl Wed 22-Jun-16 20:32:01

Sometimes this starts when a new baby arrives - the compulsion to ensure that the babe does not get germs anywhere near.

I hope that your DD gets the right treatment - counselling is one route, but CBT (which is usually available on the NHS) is particularly relevant for OCD.

f77ms Wed 22-Jun-16 20:34:09

My son has severe OCD which has blighted his life . He doesn`t have a cleaning problem as such but has Distressing and obtrusive thoughts , rituals and worry about causing harm to others by accident. There is no help available except 3 sessions of CBT which seems to be the latest cure all . He has tried this but as he very rarely is able to go out it is very difficult. He struggles to overcome it by forcing himself to do the things that cause the most fear but sometimes it just seems to overwhelm him . It is dreadful to see your child (how ever old) in so much distress . sluttygran I wouldn`t worry about the cleaning , it would never be clean enough for your DD and the fact that she lets you look after her Child means everything .

f77ms Wed 22-Jun-16 20:38:56

Actually cleaning is just one way OCD manifests itself , I am told that the cleaning is to do with keeping anxiety at bay and very little to do with dirt . More about being in control of your environment . I am sure someone will come along and explain it better .

Luckygirl Wed 22-Jun-16 21:54:18

Control is definitely what OCD is about.

whitewave Wed 22-Jun-16 22:15:52

Well you would definitely not accuse my two of OCD. grin Both houses very lived in.

Liz46 Wed 22-Jun-16 22:18:52

I have just spent a few days at my daughter's house looking after my grandchildren while she was away on business. She is a wonderful mother but her house is grubby. I am horrified by the toilets. She probably has her priorities right and the children must have fantastic antibodies. I am back on Friday for a few days while she and her husband go to Glastonbury and I know I am going to have to take bleach. I'm sure they won't notice.
By the way, our house is dusty and a bit untidy but the sinks and toilets are very clean!

whitewave Wed 22-Jun-16 22:22:59

DD -a micro biologist says a certain level of dirt is good for children's immunityhmm

Indinana Wed 22-Jun-16 23:12:54

My DD vacuums her kitchen floor 2 or 3 times a day, because she cannot stand to see the dog hairs on it. I have sometimes worried that she was becoming a bit obsessional, but she's having a new kitchen floor laid in a couple of weeks' time - it's slate grey and she said, oh thank heavens, I won't have to keep hoovering it!' Phew smile

Nonnie1 Thu 23-Jun-16 08:20:23

I find that since I need to wear glasses for close work, that when I don't have them on I don't always see the dirt I am pleased to say

rubylady Fri 24-Jun-16 05:18:48

I've just given up! My DS has decided to camp out in my living room with his computer. He hurt his foot so decided to bring his equipment downstairs to save him running up and down in case I needed things. But I have given up trying to tidy up. It's like we are both students living in digs, it's great! I's liberating to let go a little. He finishes college next week for good and will be off then until September so I'm going to chill out a bit, save a few arguments really. The cleaner is coming next week and I can always keep it proper when he has left. Time to enjoy his last few weeks at home.

When my daughter was born, I had a poem on her wall:-

Cleaning and dusting can wait til tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we learn to our sorrow,
So quiten down cobwebs and dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

So a few weeks now of loving mum and son time, regardless of our former problems, we love the bones of each other. Glastonbury this weekend, football still going and Wimbledon all to enjoy together. smile

rubylady Fri 24-Jun-16 05:21:33

Although I did ask him the other day "Has my face got bigger?" and without missing a beat said "Yes!" I told him not to get another girlfriend! hmm

ninathenana Fri 24-Jun-16 08:21:51

Ah, cleaning.
Can someone explain the concept to my children please. It's like living with a pair of 15 yr olds. They're 25 and 28 for heavens sake!!!