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How do I help my niece find a man?

(15 Posts)
BlueIris Wed 29-Jun-16 11:58:48

I have a really good relationship with my niece. She's funny and kind and reasonably successful (by that I mean a good, steady job rather than a high flyer). She's intelligent, makes an effort with her appearance. She's also not had a relationship for over 10 years now. My heart bleeds for her. She's confided in me that she really wants to meet someone but that it's nigh impossible. All her friends are married or in long-term relationships, most of them with small children so they have less time to go out with her. She's never complained about this by the way, this is my reading of it.

She's got involved with sports clubs, art classes, goes out, has tried online dating etc. But the men she meets are either rude/weird/chauvinistic etc. And she's not overly picky and has gone out with men she would not have bothered with 10 years ago if only to give them a fair chance. The stories she has told me would be hilarious if they hadn't all resulted in her still being alone.
She does try to fill her life with other things and as far as I can tell is doing all the right things. But she really wants to share her life with someone. What on earth can I do? It seems that once women get to 30 something it's no longer as easy to find someone. Men seem to have it easier - would you agree?

whitewave Wed 29-Jun-16 12:09:28

Wouldn't interfere if I were you

aggie Wed 29-Jun-16 12:29:41

My sister was 45 when she met her OH , in the library

hildajenniJ Wed 29-Jun-16 13:19:41

My sister met her DH through a Christian dating agency. I don't know where she found it, but submitted her details and they matched her with a lovely chap of the same age and also a Methodist. They've been married for 35 years. There is always hope.

breeze Wed 29-Jun-16 14:10:29

Agree with ww. She's doing all the right things. And you can carry on being the brilliant Aunt you obviously are by being there to talk to and laugh with about all the frogs until the Prince comes along. When you get that little bit older, there's the 'all the good ones are taken' problem so not such large pool of choice but there will be someone out there. Re the hilarity, reminds me of the time my friend went online and agreed to meet anticipated gorgeous man in a pub. Went in the door, guy standing there with jeans tucked into cowboy boots and big leather belt with buckle. She sped up, went past, out the other door. She got a text saying 'Was that you?' blush

Teetime Wed 29-Jun-16 14:15:22

I read that most people meet the person they marry/live with at work. Better to let hit happen in its own time rather than trying to make something happen I feel.

ajanela Wed 29-Jun-16 17:24:51

Did anyone see that programme where the family and friends were encouraged to work with a matchmaker to help find a partner for people in similar situations as your niece. It didn't result in matches but it made the single people more aware what they should be looking for and the family and friends more aware of how they could help.

No need to interfere but no harm in the family arranging informal social events and inviting suitable friends in a supportive way. The British society can be very isolating whilst other communities can have a better network as a natural part of their culture.

Men having it easier, not sure about that. Making new relationships is always difficult and rejection can hurt whatever sex you are.

NewgranGill Wed 29-Jun-16 17:30:42

I was in my late 20s when I med my DH through 18+ which is a group for the 18-30 age group. There is a group called Spice for all ages and there is always varsity groups - when I looked into our local group with had mainly people in the 35+ age group. I do understand your concern I have the same worry about my DD who is in her late 30s. It is very hard for them.

BlueIris Thu 30-Jun-16 14:24:10

The thing is she is in her mid thirties presently and would like to have children. She did just sit it out for a few years but feels that never really got her anywhere and she needs to be more proactive. ajanela that sounds very interesting and you're right that a new perspective can only be a good thing. I agree that better alone than with someone unsuitable but I also thing it's easier to say that when you've got a partner already and had your children.
I guess what I meant about men having it easier is that they have more time and not as much pressure on the children front. And society sadly still portrays an unmarried man in his late thirties/early forties as eligible while women don't get viewed as positively.

Jane22 Fri 01-Jul-16 15:45:10

I know how you feel. My son is 42 and can't seem to find a partener he wants to share his life with so far. He is so kind and caring and has a good outlook on life (you are thinking I would say that because he is my son but it's true!) Oh well, let's see what the future brings so long as he is happy that's important.

Indinana Fri 01-Jul-16 16:02:26

Jane22 oh how I'd like my 42 year old DD to meet your son grin. No, don't worry, I don't interfere, but she really wants to meet someone to share her life with and I so wish it could happen for her. Nothing I can do, though, except hope.
It's hard for us parents, isn't it, when our DC are all grown up and we can't help them as we did when they were little.

tanith Fri 01-Jul-16 16:22:07

My 40+ daughter became single again after a long long relationship she socialised with work colleagues after her breakup and now 2yrs on she found someone she has known for a long time through work, I think she saw this person in different light and friendship may now have turned into something more long term, fingers crossed. Is there someone in your nieces circle that she hasn't even considered?
My son was late 30's before he met his lovely partner he found relationships difficult for years, she was mid 30's they met at the gym and now have a lovely son of 3 so its not by any means too late for your niece could she perhaps tactfully see if any of her married friends have friends/brothers who are single and looking for someone its always nice to have some inside info/recommendation I would imagine..I hope she finds someone nice smile

annsixty Fri 01-Jul-16 17:20:18

My D is 51 and separated but not divorced. She has 2teenagers 17 and 13 and I would love for her to meet someone but can't see it happening while she has the C .

vampirequeen Sat 02-Jul-16 06:50:26

She doesn't need to be in a relationship to have a baby.

I met my ex when I was 14 and lived through hell. I met the love of my life when I was 49.

We used internet dating.

GandTea Sat 02-Jul-16 06:59:00

Best not to try to help. If she feels bad abut her situation, it could make her more conscious of it.
Sounds as though she is doing all the right things to socialise, and I'm sure when the time is right she will meet someone who will become her soul mate.

Does she dance, having started recently, I see a lot of singles having fun and socialising.