worry worry worry

I don't think you will stop worrying but its how you let that worry affect you that is important. You need to look after yourself in this time and get some proper rest and try to divert yourself with something else that you enjoy. We went through this a few years ago with SIL and we just tried to stay bright and sunny, gave some financial help where we could, offered weekend stays and spoilt them with some nice food and drink. I'm sure he appreciates your love and support. There isn't a right thing to say really. I do hope he finds something soon. Best wishes.

thank you Teetime. I just felt a bit alone in this worry as his dad and i don't have contact so I don't have anyone to share my angst with. my DH is not a worrier, and after all, it's not his son. he knows I'm worried, but is not good with words. Bless him.it's nice to hear from you and to know that someone else has felt the same worry.
I am doing some sewing to try to relax, but there's a heavy feeling in me, which won't go away, so that's why I took to Gransnet, just to share! thanks again

I know that feeling Langfordlady. Its so hard. I suppose its important for your anxiety not to show to your DS. That could make him feel worse, guilty about upsetting you. No easy answers -but you're not alone!

I really get this. I avoid phoning sometimes in case there is anything to worry about! The important thing is for your son to know that you love him and are there for him in any way you can be. Beyond that, remember we have all been through troubled times and come out the other side. We can always make it better for them Love is the biggest thing we have got.

My 46 year old DD1 has been in the same position recently. I worried constantly but tried to channel it into helping her to search on line for jobs and printing off the details for her. I also bought her a selection of little books from Amazon with hints for CV, application forms and interview techniques.
I hope your son will find something soon. I am a firm believer in things turning out for the best in the end if you put the effort in.

There's no way to stop worrying really. We just have to try and deal with it.

I'm worrying myself stupid today because DD is having yet another operation - her fourth since April and it's quite a complicated procedure.

She messaged me an hour and a half ago to say she was going to theatre so I started the process of trying to take my mind off things - cooking, cleaning etc.

I've just had a message to say she hasn't gone yet....A long wait for porters apparently. Our anxiety levels are now going through the roof.

My 49 year old son has just been made redundant, too.
He's been in the same job for over 20 years.
Fortunately his wife still has a job, but they are going to have to move to a smaller house. Maybe in UK, maybe not.

sorry merlotgran, your worry is far greater than mine, so I know in the big scheme of things, I have plenty to be grateful for. will be thinking of you…understand totally about stress going through roof. it wasn't so long ago i was worried about a diagnosis over his health, so I should put the job thing in perspective.

I do feel for you all. We have been through this with my daughter and her partner and all I can say is that, in any time of difficulty, a strong family really makes a difference and I am hearing lots of strong families in your posts.

My daughter is still working her way through this as her current form of employment is very insecure but her partner is definitely now a square peg in a square hole. He was made redundant from a well paying job where the hole shape had changed and it had become stressful. It took a long time to get into his current job and he worked at anything he could to bring something in over that time but it has certainly been worth-while. You do run out of positive things to say but we all just need to know someone believes in us so keep saying them.

to all coping with these problems at the moment

I constantly worry, my eldest daughter lost her partner 9 years ago I know she's lonely and gets stressed bringing the kids up alone and working a stressful job I do all I can to help but still feel that I want to wave a magic wand and make it all ok for her

I think you're allowed to worry, you're his mother and underneath he probably appreciates your concern. The thing is not to dwell too much on the worry side, Teetime puts it well about trying to be "bright and sunny" because things do usually work out well in the end. If he's telling he will be ok it's because he's trying to stop you stressing about something over which you have no control.
Good luck.

thank you you all for your kind comments and reassurances which makes me feel there is someone out there on my wavelength! it's tring to get the balance right….i dont want to be textng all the time asking if there's any news, I know he'll tell me if there is, but I also don't want him to think I don't care.
i haven't heard from him for a few days and I am only guessing he didn't get this job he went for, and he's licking his wounds. i know he'll bounce back and I am proud of that because he used to be a lot different.

Worrying is of no use to anyone, it resolves nothing and just adds to the worried about persons problems when they find out. I used to hide a lot of things from my mother because of her tendency to visibly worry about everything.

The best way to deal with it is to try and channel it into doing things that can help and support your DS. Don't offer your DS platitudes when applications are unsuccessful, instead share his sadness. Could you do things like visit him and do a supermarket shop? Send him odd little treats. Things that will cheer him up and lighten his worries for a few minutes.

If only we could fix everything for them in the way we could when they were little!

We had the same kind of worries with our eldest daughter. In her 40s now and her whole adult life has been like a rollercoaster,and she's always told us EVERYTHING.
Hardly dare say it, but she has a partner now, and a job, and seems more settled.TG.
As well as that she's always been very caring with us.
I used to pray for her every day (still do) and kept hoping.

Kleine Kinder, kleine Sorgen
Große Kinder, große Sorgen
(Little children, little worries, big children, big worries.)
That said I have been losing sleep over the very smallest member of the family recently. ?
Hoping as there seems to be serious underlying issue, that things will right themselves. ?

Sorry!! That should have read
"as there seems to be NO serious underlying issue" gulp!

As the saying goes, we're only ever as happy as our unhappiest child. I think we could add "or grandchild" to that.

My mother used to say 'Today is the day we worried about yesterday and all is well'. Yes, I come from a long line of worriers and the worrying gene has been passed down to my son and to his son. My DH tells me to stop worrying as it achieves nothing but, of course, as we worriers know, worry cannot be turned off like a tap.

Omg I worry so much about DS ,and as you say NotTooOld it can't be turned off like a tap unfortunately. I always thought when they grew up and left home that was it,how nieve was i.

How can we help it? They are still our children no matter how old they are. I have been feeling sick with worry about several members of my family over the last few months. Made worse because of being unable to do anything about most of the problems except be a listening ear.

A wise women reminded me a few years ago, when one of my children was in a terrible state, of the safety announcement on a plane: fit your oxygen mask first before helping others! That is such sound advice and I have been trying to follow it since. Hard when several things coincide though ?

I worry all the time. I wake up feeling sick most mornings. I keep chant Worry never climbed a hill Worry never paid a bill but the sick feeling won't go.

Stansgran
If this was mumsnet I'd say you was with child.

It's common for us to worry, but after all said and done you do wake up every morning, so that's 1 to you.

There's a saying - "Small children, small worries; big children, big worries." I'm afraid it's true.