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New partner

(21 Posts)
tenyearson Fri 24-Jul-15 16:57:23

Hi,I might have an unusual problem. I have just started a relationship with a man about my age,55 or so. I have not had a sexual relationship with anyone for about 2 years. In this time I have had a vaginal hysterectomy.Am wondering if a new partner will be able to guess if I have had this done,no visible signs obviously I don't really want to disclose this ...

Penstemmon Fri 24-Jul-15 16:59:42

Why would he know??? Why would it matter if he did??

tanith Fri 24-Jul-15 17:05:25

I can't imagine he'd be able to tell but why would it matter?

tenyearson Fri 24-Jul-15 17:08:36

Maybe because I'm no longer a 'complete' woman,and that I am tricking him somehow?

Luckygirl Fri 24-Jul-15 17:08:47

If you feel close enough to this man to begin a sexual relationship, why would you want to hide anything from him? Maybe it is not the right time or the right man, if you feel you have to keep secrets like this.

kittylester Fri 24-Jul-15 17:17:01

Exactly what Lucky said! I seem to say that a lot! I must be very wise because Lucky is!

Are you new tenyearson? If so, welcome! flowers Let us know what happens!

tenyearson Fri 24-Jul-15 17:19:02

Yes,I am new to this. ok,thanks Kittylester

Margsus Fri 24-Jul-15 17:26:59

Oh Tenyearson, please don't think you're no longer a "complete" woman! Of course you are.

Margsus Fri 24-Jul-15 17:27:30

...and by the way, welcome!

Luckygirl Fri 24-Jul-15 17:27:42

Ditto kitty!

tenyearson - my uterus went in the bin 24 years ago and I have to tell you that my OH definitely does not regard me as a incomplete woman!

It is a shame that you feel this way - there really is no need. Perhaps you might be better off sharing this information with him - I am sure he will tell you - or demonstrate! - that he regards you as a complete woman.

Grannyknot Fri 24-Jul-15 17:40:04

tenyearson hi. He won't know; I don't think you have to tell him if you don't want to, especially as the relationship is new. If it comes out in time, fine. Or maybe never - also fine.

As far as being a "complete woman" is concerned - what really counts is being "all woman" wink which is what good sex is about.

Best of luck with your new relationship.

Ana Fri 24-Jul-15 17:43:30

He surely can't be expecting to have children with you, tenyearson, so why on earth should it matter if you've had a hysterectomy? confused

Just go with the flow...

HildaW Fri 24-Jul-15 17:57:40

tenyearson.....hysterectomy not withstanding...if you feel that 'you are tricking him'....perhaps you are just a little unsure about this relationship. Or are you a little unsure about this man? Do you seriously think he is going to be either disappointed or repulsed? Perhaps you need to be a little more honest with him emotionally before you have a physical relationship.
I am no expert but getting physically intimate can be 'challenging' enough unless you are the totally free spirit type that I never was - so perhaps you will find it all a bit daunting if you have such a worry about him finding out mid frolic as it were.

Yes, its not really his problem - its your body and non of his business but could you really enjoy yourself fully if you had this rattling around in the back of your mind?

petra Fri 24-Jul-15 18:08:15

Do women still use that expresion? ' not a complete woman'
It sounds like something that Les Dawson would 'mouth'

tenyearson Fri 24-Jul-15 18:09:01

Many thanks for all this advice; helpful or otherwise, especially Luckygirl!

Coolgran65 Fri 24-Jul-15 18:42:48

I had a hysterectomy 26 years ago. So wasn't 'complete' when I met and married DH2..... It was no secret, I told him but haven't a clue why or when, it never cost him a thought, or me. We were well past wanting more children.

Once it was clear that we were both serious about each other and had a future together, I think I'd feel it odd not to have mentioned it, but that's just me.

Lyndylou Fri 24-Jul-15 23:23:03

When I had my hysterectomy 20 odd years ago, I was only expecting to lose my womb, but I woke up to be told my ovaries and my cervix had been also removed.

When I started my relationship with my present partner 10 years ago, we were both in our mid 50s and both had been divorced for about 5 or 6 years without any other intimate relationships. I really concerned that losing my cervix might affect the quality of sex for him in some way, but it has not been a problem.

Just thought I would mention that in case it is what you are worrying about.

In reality, my partner was just as nervous about being intimate with anyone as I was, so it would have taken something really drastically obvious to make him think I wasn't a complete woman.

tenyearson Sat 25-Jul-15 18:08:08

Thanks for that.It is reassuring.

downtoearth Sun 26-Jul-15 11:50:59

ten hi and welcome,are you worried about how your responses will be and will it 'feel' the same for you,can you orgasm etc...my uterus and I parted company 22 years ago,and at the time although in a then stable marriage felt very much incomplete,I think it affects different people different ways. Are you worried wether or not you are still able to make love..will it hurt...will I bleed...etc depends I think on why it was done wether you where prepared,relieved ,or wether medical opnion gave you no choice or alternative as in my own case...I was 41 at the time.
I found no such problems resuming marital relations although sensations where different.my husband wasn't able to notice any difference,and when my marriage ended,I went on to have a new relationship with my OH who although knew wouldn't have been any the wiser if I hadn't told him..my scar is on two prev c section scars so I needn't have told him if I didn't want him to know......good luck first times in a new relationship are always a worry wether you are 'complete' or not ....like most men he will probably be wondering if his pride and joy measures upxxxx

glammanana Sun 26-Jul-15 12:24:19

tenyearson of course you are a complete woman and I think maybe you are just being nervous about the start of a physical relationship,would you think your friend less of a man if he had had a vasectamony (sp) I think not don't you, go ahead and enjoy your new relationship and welcome to GN.

Luckylegs9 Tue 28-Jul-15 06:37:47

Cannot think why you would even think that.