Toxic people

Yes, I am

I feel sad for your sister who is alone in time of need. It does sound as if she's brought her loneliness on her self.
However, I'm more sad for you missing out on a close relationship with her.

Please don't be sad for me Nina I have a good life.

Just be sad for all those people like my sister.

That is so sad. Perhaps you could try reaching out to her again - if she rejects you again then it will have been her decision, if you don't you may find yourself feeling guilty for not having tried. If she is truly alone she may be scared and may also wish to repair her relationship with you before it is too late. Do you have any other siblings?

Having a terminal illness does make people reassess their past decisions and actions, reach out to her and if she pushes you away then so be it.

It does seem that some people get into the habit of pushing people away for various reasons, until it gets to the point where they either don't know how to change or don't want to.

What an empty life your sister has had, Anya, such a shame...

There are other family members sunseeker but when I told them they wanted nothing to do with her. She has my phone number but has chosen not to get in touch. I phoned her Social Worker and was told she (the SW) was not allowed to talk to me and my sister has forbidden it.

She has a SW due to her alcoholism.

A wasted life indeed Ana

I agree with sunseeker - try once more, even if results in another rejection. If you can find out where she is.
The fact that you posted it on here shows that you still care.

How sad. She must be feeling very lonely, unless I suppose she prefers it that way. You didn't say whether you intend to contact her. You could give it a go but not expect too much then you won't be too hurt

How sad and such a shame this has happened I would be devastated if this was my sister I think one more try would not be so bad even though you have spoken with the SW and she has told you of your sisters wishes because everyone knows its her illness which has caused her to loose all her family and friends what a sad way to end her days.

I can't contact her as I have no contact details, and the one person who has, has been told (by her) not to pass them on.

But WW there's a lot of truth in your last statement.

I'm going for a long walk now, in the rain, to try to get my head in order.

Thanks for listening

You have been in touch via the SW . I would leave it , some people are better left as they wish

Anya Has she always been nasty or did something go very wrong in her life?
She has clearly ended up in a right mess and her alcoholism is going to make it even more difficult to engage with her.
Given the determination with which some people seem destined to self destruct there really is not much you can do.

Anya - Don't know what to say so - thinking of you and

Anya I am sorry you are in this awful situation and you will have to live with it but I do hope you are not going to dwell on it and when she dies that you will feel no guilt ,only sadness for a lost relationship.

I agree with Annesixty, Anya , you have tried in the past , and even just recently.There are some people in our lives that no amount of offered help and friendship can mend.

How hard for you Anya - but there really is nothing you can do. You have extended a hand via the SW and had your reply. It is very painful, but I really do think that there is no more that you can do. Your sister has made her choice, bizarre though it may seem to us all.

I hope that you have been striding off into the cleansing rain, and have come back with a mind and heart refreshed and ready to move on.

How sad for you.

She has made her choices. Which are hers to make. I dont know that some people even regret them.
I am not sure that I would be sad for her.
Is she sad for herself?

Anya

There are probably one or two of us who can relate to your situation, sadly.

I think the mere fact you are finding yourself to be emotionally upset is actually confirming that you have always felt there was such 'a waste' in both your sisters life and yours. It does unfortunately take 'the road of least resistance ' to cope with it, does that make sense?

I think given your circumstance I would ask the SW if she would take a letter from you to your sister. I would tell the SW that you are totally prepared for the SW to read it and agree to be the piggy in the middle but you are hoping your sister will at one stage ask to see you, or at least 'hear' your thoughts through the letter, which I know you will write with empathy and giving your sister a sense of feeling she was a sister, part of a family but like so many simply decided to take a different path when it came to how she chose to live her life.

If, as could well happen, she refuses to read it or still denies anybody contact then you have no option but to accept that as with life her death has been one of her choosing and nobody could have broken through to change it.

I hope I am not being harsh Anya but it is easy under the very sad circumstance you are in to look at how/if you could have dealt with your relationship differently but my guess is it was one we had to deal with, there are some people who don't just fall through the cracks they open the ground so wide they just free fall into self made oblivion and nobody, no empathy, no loving would/could have saved them from themselves, no matter how hard others try.

. [understandingemoticon]

Anya, you have tried to make contact. My guess is that if you made further overtures you would be setting yourself up for further rejection.

Anya how sad and difficult for you. Maybe deep down, your sister can't cope with any pity, real or perceived, or sadness at the knowledge of what she's lost.
I hope you can come to terms with whatever you decide to do, and don't feel any guilt.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this.

I've had a long, soggy walk and a nice hot shower and my thoughts are still muddled. But I'm feeling less fraught and emotional.

I have some long, hard thinking to do.

Anya, I am deeply sorry. Seems your choice is between a possible further rejection or living with 'perhaps if I had'. The rejection would not be of your doing , it may hurt you yet again but you can get on with your life in the knowledge that you could do no more x