Making friends/ what is the best way?

I am not clear whether he wants to make any friends at all! Maybe you should each pursue your own interests and make friends that way - and if you happen to share an interest then you would make mutual friends.

The best way to meet new people is to join a group together.Look out for ones in your area, bookgroups/U3A/history club/gardening club etc.

I think it is good to have a mixture of friends- some you see as couples and some which are individual friends.

I'm a bit confused ... you have to go out and get some friends?

I'm not sure that's how it works. Friends come from shared experiences or shares passions or just because you see something in someone you like .

To get good friends you have to be a good friend and I think that will take time.

Maybe you should just see how it goes in your new home - friends tend to appear where you least expect them.

A really good couple friendship is very rare, either the men were friends or the women were friends and the other half just came along and liked it enough to continue.

I cant imagine what your DH expects when he comes home and says you are going to make couples into friends. Life would be very simple if we could still make instant friends like in kindergarten.

And when you go in a car together, Women in the back and men in the front? I suspect he finds his frienda not so interesting as your friends, but whether your friends want to bring along their better halves when all they want is to get out of the house and leave HIM at home.
You'll make friends but it takes time, sometimes couples meet up on holidays or on cruises.

Frankly, I think your husband is talking rubbish. Why is it easier for women to find friends than men? people are different. Some people (both sexes) could make friends and a social circle if dropped in an empty desert, others (both sexes), find making friends, even with people they share interests or work with very difficult.

Nor does how his parents made friends have any relevance to you. You are not clones of his parents but two entirely different people living in a different generation.

If he wants these couple friends, then it is up to him to get up go out and find them. Saying 'get us friends' as you might say 'get the grass cut' is ridiculous and needs to be treated with the contempt it deserves.

If you make some friends and he makes some friends, then possibly (only possibly) you will be able to socialise with one of those friends and their other half. You might even be able to socialise with one of your friends, one of his friends, and both their other halves.

If you are very lucky you will be able to get together with a whole load of friends and their other halves.

But don't count on it.

Ask him whether his parents made all their friends as a couple from square one, or as one friend who then brought along a partner. People don't go friend-hunting in pairs.

I think he is asking the impossible. You can't just go out and get friends. Think the advice to pursue your interests and see if a friendship develops from there is the only way. Sometimes you might meet a couple on holiday that you get on with. You have each other and I am sure friendships will develop along the way.

Sorry. For some reason my mind went back to the 70s and car keys

lol @ Badenkate, I was thinking exactly the same thing!

You are very naughty!!!

But I like it!

If you want to make friends with people that you are both going to get on with the best bet might be to find a common interest, or something you want to try together, and join together. Could be anything from joining a bridge group to learning to kayak.
However this should not be your only source of friends. It always appears to me to be a huge mistake for retired people to go around joined at the hip. If you ever find yourself on your own (and 50% of us will do so) then it is possible that you may no longer be welcome in a social circle that is based on couples.
I moved 3 years ago and have made a lot of acquaintances and some lovely friends by joining a community choir, joining a political party and going to Welsh classes. U3As are also goo - you could join with your OH but get involved in different groups.

are you both up to walking, as joining a walking group is a non threatening way of socialising with men and women together?

How about joining the local activities? I met lovely people when we moved to the village that way. Or look it up in the library, post office or even the corner shop for leaflets on "what's going on". I would aim for having a good time meeting new people rather than concentrating too much on who you want to be friends with. That will come later when you get to know the group better. Better still if you have a dog, which I don't, but was told by a few people that was how they meet lots of friendly dogs walkers in the village.
Good luck! Getting to know people and ends up becoming good friends take time. Enjoy your new home and have fun. By the way...strangely enough, whenever I am weeding in my garden...it never fails to amaze me how many people actually stopped and chat with you.

He says " it is too difficult for him to make friends". Friendship takes hard work, perseverance, shared activities, and a genuine interest in other people along with being willing to listen. It doesn't come on a plate, and no one else can do the hard work for him, not even you. You clearly know how to do this, so please don't deprive yourself of the joy of friendship. And, in due course, one of you will be faced with a solo life, when the friendships you have nurtured will sustain you. Sorry to sound harsh - good luck.

That's nonsense that women are better at making friends my grandson makes friends with everyone his sister is very private and finds it much harder, as others have said its not something you can persue you either have things in common and it grows or not It sounds like he wants you to do all the hard work and then just tag on and expect the husband to be his friend Nah I d just plough on making new friends and if their husband wants to get included on fine .... if not .........

Do you have any shared interests ? if your husband or yourself were in any of the services, the RBL in your area probably has activites you could join in, and a shared interest in a service (Navy, RAF, Army) could be some way to get started....or a wine club, if that would interest you ? Best thing is to find out what's on offer locally (from notice boards in the library, local paper, etc) ...any volunteer work you would like to do together > etc etc ....it is difficult when you move to another area, but it can be done, but not instantly ! good luck

DH and I have friends as couples, sometimes I like one half of them!
Since I retired many friends from work come to visit,which I love, but if DH is home he comes and sits with us and totally takes over the conversation, it is SO irritating, as my friends have come to see ME, and talk to ME, when its time for them to go home, I wonder what WE talked about,DH is satisfied as he was the star of the show, can anyone suggest anything to help please!

go to your local bowls green and join up you will find friends have fun and keep fit all at the same time.

Sorry to say I thought of car keys too
I've always managed to find a "best friend" in all our many moves, but can only think of one where husbands were friends too. And they were work colleagues.
I don't like my present friend's husband, and he and mine hardly speak.
I think women need a close friend more than men, to share moans and groans. Especially if we haven't got sisters nearby.

No-one's mentioned the WI and I don't know why I am because I'm not a member. However, most communities have one and according to my friend (who is a member) it is an excellent way of getting to know other women. I have some sympathy with the OP's husband as I think women are often more sociable and find it easier to make conversation. Poor chap, he sounds a bit desperate. If he can't face joining something on his own such as a bowls club, golf club, book group or whatever, perhaps he should consider volunteering - Citizens' Advice or the local hospital. That way he would meet a wide variety of people, some of whom might turn into friends.

When we retired 14 years ago we both followed our own interests - WI, flower club for me, men only lunch club and various wildlife groups for DH. However there are other groups we both belong to - gardening club, fine arts society, club with an after dinner speaker, etc. As we live in a small town many of the attendees are the same people, so we have got to know people both as individuals and as couples. We now have more friends and acquaintances than we have ever had, and never go to the shops without seeing someone we know. But you have to be brave and both make a start.

The WI is a good way to make new friends and get to know a new location. My WI friends were so supportive when my DH died recently.