Not wanting to bore you to tears, I'm back to let you know that things are still good with me. I'm feeling so much better and more sure of myself these days. My mum tells me how proud she is of me, and even though I'm a grown up, it means so much to me to hear her say that.
I can honestly say that I feel positive and confident about the future. I didn't believe that I would feel so good, even after reading posts from people saying how much better they felt after their breakup. The only thing I do feel disappointed with myself is that I didn't end our relationship first, especially after the pain and anxiety he caused me over the years. But, I cannot afford to dwell on that, as that road leads to nowhere good.
I have recently finished seeing my counsellor. What a smart person she is. Just talking, crying and laughing helped me so much. She never said as much, but I think she is very pro women, and she helped me realise that, as a woman, I have as much value in this world as men do - yes, I'm afraid to say that I didn't feel like that up until now, even though you'd never get that impression from me. That's another subject altogether.
My niece and her girlfriend came to stay with me for a few days recently, and it was the best tonic to have two young ones in the house. We put the world to rights, had great laughs, a few tears - me, not them, but not too many, and generally had a lovely women-fest (?!) We went out and about, and there were a few places I was reluctant to go to because of past memories and all that, but they said to me with great confidence, we'll go there now and just make new memories. What lovely young women they are!
I haven't managed to make any friends yet, but I have rejoined the gym, so at least I'm exercising now. Hopefully I'll join the book club when it restarts after the summer hols. It's really strange having to consciously push yourself to socialise.
Well, that's it to date, other than to say that my 50th birthday is in a week's time and I'll be going to stay with my mum and family for a few days and am looking forward to it. I'll be meeting my 2 month old grand niece for the first time, too When I get back from there, I'll be going to stay with my aunt and her family. I'm so glad I have them in my life.
How do you acknowledge Easter.
I am not a nasty person but ……