Over-50s' guide to divorce

Emma Heptonstall (aka The Divorce Alchemist) provides divorce coaching for women who know that they need support to deal with the practical and emotional aspects of their divorce in order to make good decisions, which will support their lives as a confident divorced woman. A former legal adviser, she's also a family mediator and NLP Master Practitioner. 

Much is written these days about ‘silver splitters’. Open many newspapers and women’s magazines and it seems to be the topic ‘du jour’. Silver splitters (divorcees over 60) are growing in number. However, the ONS published results in 2014 showing that the divorce rate for 2012 (the latest figures available) for men and women aged 50-54 is almost double the 55-99 and 60+ age groups.

Whether divorce is your idea or not, there are key things that you need to consider. My Divorce Guide for the over-50s will help you, whether you are a silver splitter or fall into the rapidly-growing younger group.

Consider what you want

Whatever you do, don't rush to start negotiating with your husband or run to a lawyer. Think about what you want from your divorce. The clearer you are with yourself about what you want, the easier (and cheaper) the whole process will be.

Use friends to support you, but remember that your close friends are likely to be emotionally involved in your divorce. So, if necessary, consider seeking support from someone who doesn't know you - they can be objective and help you consider different options.

Think about where you want to live

The biggest asset most of us have in our lives is our home. You may have lived there many years and raised your family there. You may have dreamed of spending your retirement there, keeping space for family Christmases and grandchildren. Many women will often just ask for the house and be willing to concede other assets such as their husband’s pension.

But stop. Wait.

As well as being an asset that will increase in value over time, in the short term, your home is also a liability in respect of ongoing bills and maintenance costs.

Ask yourself: can you afford to run the house if you retain it as part of your settlement? Even if you can, do you feel you'll be able to move on emotionally while living in the same house as before?

Get clear about your finances

Before you begin negotiations, ensure that you understand what the finances of your marriage are.

You may be a woman who has managed the family finances, known what you and your husband earn, the values of investments, life policies, other properties you may own. You may know your liabilities - credit cards, loans and mortgage.

Or it might be that you have no idea.

Your husband has provided for you and dealt with the family finances. Divorce is a time when you need to understand what the marriage assets and liabilities are. If you suspect that there are assets that your husband is hiding, you need to get legal advice about this.

Bank Accounts & Credit Cards

If you have joint bank accounts and credit cards, you need to cancel these immediately. Inform your bank and credit Ccard providers as soon as you make the decision to separate, or it’s made for you.

Pensions

If you have worked, you may have your own pension. If your husband has worked, he may also have a pension. Generally speaking, because men don't take big career breaks for family-raising, their pensions are bigger than women’s. Your husband’s pension may well be the second biggest asset of your marriage (and it could be the 1st). The  cash equivalent value of all pensions will be assessed on divorce. There are three options for dealing with pensions:

• Earmarking - this has generally fallen from favour but effectively, it means that when your husband retires, some of his pension is paid to you. It’s p,roblematic in that you need to keep an eye on his pension, and it doesn't allow for a ‘clean break’. If your husband dies before he draws his pension, you may get nothing and if he dies after retirement your payments will stop.
• Offsetting - this occurs when each party keeps their own pension and the greater value of one is offset against other assets, usually the family home. So, for example, many women want to keep the family home and in return, the husband keeps his pension.
• Pension sharing - this is probably the most popular option these days. If your husband has a greater pension pot than you, sharing his pension means that you will have an income on retirement. Pension sharing allows for a ‘clean break’. Once the order is made, there is no need for further court orders. It gives you clarity and certainty.

Remember that you can’t access that pot until you reach your normal retirement age. It is not cash available now, unless you are old enough. You will perhaps have heard about the pension reforms that came into force in April 2015 (which are outside the scope of this article), which may mean you will be able to access some of that money immediately.

Whatever your age and circumstances may be, going through a divorce is one of the most upsetting, draining and menally exhausting experiences you can go through. 

There's very little you can do to mitigate the emotional turmoil involved, but taking some time to think and plan before taking action is a must. Next, getting clear about the points raised in this article will help you move forward efficiently at what is a very difficult and often complicated time.

You can read more from Emma here.

Other things you might like:

Financial advice for grandparents podcast	Pension information - useful links

Images: Shutterstock