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to say no to daughter's boyfriend?

(6 Posts)
Grossi Fri 06-May-11 09:56:24

I am currently looking after my 2-year-old granddaughter (who lives with us) on two evenings a week and also on Sunday afternoons. I work every day (getting up at 5.45 am) and also have a 13-year-old of my own still living at home. My daughter’s boyfriend wants us to look after my granddaughter overnight on a Monday so that my daughter can go and stay with him. My husband told him that he would have to wait until granddaughter sleeps through the night. Are we being unreasonable?

HildaW Fri 06-May-11 15:23:33

Oh all sounds very complicated to me. I think my main worry is that its the boyfriend who is asking and not your daughter. I am a Mum and a Grandma...and also needed my own Mum to act as a childminder years ago. I do appreciate that Grandmas are great for child care...but it does seem as if you are being a little over used. Your daughter is a parent and with that comes responsibility. There is responsibility to her child and to her relationship with you, her Mum. I think you need to get her on her own and discuss this with her. (am I right in thinking that hes not the there is not another Grandparent around?) From what you say she is getting a lot from you and perhaps it might be time to put limits on it in a calm and sensible way. So my answer is, No you are not being unreasonable.

iwearpurple Fri 06-May-11 15:34:06

Dont think yabu about it, but is it possible that her boyfriend is asking as he wants to treat your daughter to a night away. Until recently we were living in exactly the same circumstances, and dd's boyfriend asked me just the same thing. It was so that he could take her out for a nice dinner and she could have a glass of wine without worrying about going home to the baby. His motives were entirely honourable! I said yes, and everybody had a lovely time, but just because it worked for us doesnt mean that you should do it. If your 13 year old is anything like my 16 year old, she loves her niece to pieces, and she did breakfast and play in the morning.

Grossi Sat 07-May-11 17:26:35

Thank you HildaW and iwearpurple for your useful comments. I think I will have a chat with my daughter and see if we can arrange for her to have a night out on a Friday or Saturday.

I think part of my problem was that the negotiations were only between the men, when it is the women who will be most affected grin

daddydaycare51 Wed 25-May-11 13:18:40

Hi Grossi
Your daughters boyfriend is being unreasonable , if you already have your grandaughter 2 days a week anyway ? then why can't it be aranged for 1 of them days. I am a single dad of 11 and a grandad of 10 I still hav 4 of the younger children living at home 8, 9, 11 and 13 I made it quite clear from the outset of the grandchildren being born to the older children that I would not be having the grandchildren overnight UNTIL they could sleep through the night and are out of nappies and of bottles. This might seem unreasonable on my behalf BUT after going through it all with the 11 children ( bottles , nappies ,) getting up at unearthly times, I didn't want to do it all over again with my 10 grandchildren as well. As much as I love my grandchildren I still need my beauty sleep grin.
So when it all comes down to it , it is upto you and how you feel about it , just as long as you are comfortable with doing it and not feeling pressured into doing it then things will be

maxgran Wed 25-May-11 16:02:06

No you are not being unreasonable. Its your daughter who should be making the request not her boyfriend and even then you have a right not to want to do it !
Having a child overnight is not the same as during the day/evening and if she is not sleeping through its even more difficult for you and you are working too !
Your daughter's boyfriend should not be interfering in your relationship with you and your daughter.