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Old boyfriend

(26 Posts)
Magsie Mon 16-May-11 09:56:14

I bumped into an old boyfriend that I hadn't seen for about 30 years. We only had a moment to chat but as we are both on Facebook, I said I would message him to catch up. I told my husband but he wasn't very happy about it, I'm in touch with other male colleagues, friends etc but he feels this is different as it's an old boyfriend. I thought that as it was so long ago and the "boy" is in his 70's now, it wasn't a problem. What do others think?

GrannyTunnocks Mon 16-May-11 10:05:25

I don't think a 70 something old boyfriend is a threat to your marriage. At least with facebook people can see what you are saying so it is all above board. Nice to have happy memories of your old boyfriend.

HildaW Mon 16-May-11 13:04:03

The only threat I think is if your husband thinks you are chatting about things he was never part of. Shared memories can seem quite intimate to those who are not included. Also perhaps husband just needs the reassurance of you letting him know that of course you made the right choice all those years ago! Take it from me, its not much fun if they dont bat an eye...and really dont seem to care who you talk too!

Magsie Tue 17-May-11 08:57:49

Thank you both for replying. I certainly did make the right choice HildaW & I suppose I should be grateful that he notices what I do!

Swedenana Tue 17-May-11 10:21:04

I'm in touch with a couple of old flames on FB from over 30 years ago, along with my ex-husband, whom I still love as a very dear friend. My current husband has no interest in Facebook anyway so really doesn't care. In your shoes, I might gently point out to my husband that at least I had told him about the meeting and the FB contact, so there are no secrets. I certainly agree with HildaW - perhaps he's a little wary of feeling excluded. Lots of reassurance needed - is your husband on FB? If he is then he'll be able to see what contacts you have, which might put his mind at rest a bit.

Magsie Tue 17-May-11 12:22:40

Hi Swedenana- many thanks for your advice. I was interested to hear that you are in touch with your ex-husband with no problems. I don't think my husband believes that you can be "just friends" with an old flame- you either hate them or nurse a secret passion for them! In this case he thinks I am still carrying a torch for my old boyfriend and when I protest that I am not, he says "Well, why do you want to keep in touch then?" I can't win...

milliej Tue 17-May-11 15:11:50

That happened to me ages ago (over the internet) and it could have caused end number of problems but thankfully didn't! I told my husband when it first happened and he didn't seem bothered but after conversing with my 'old flame' for a little while it just didn't seem right.

I've been married 44 years and I wouldn't actually like to think of my husband having even an internet relationship with any of his old flames, why would he, so what is good for the opinion! Let sleeping dogs lie or let the past stay past!

nanapippa Tue 17-May-11 15:48:37

I agree with what you say Milliej. I am not sure I would cope with my DH "chatting" to an ex, however innocent it is, so can understand Magsie how he may feel. Not sure it is right to go there even if he is 70, after all he may be an old dog with plenty of life in him wink

bikergran Tue 17-May-11 16:07:44

lol @ nanpippa lol

Magsie Tue 17-May-11 19:31:48

I'm sure he would like to think of himself as an "old dog with plenty of life left in him!" wink

nonnasue Tue 17-May-11 21:32:53

Magsie, curiosity is what makes the world so interesting, go for it, it's not like you are booking a secret hotel room!!

Magsie Wed 18-May-11 11:38:24

Well not yet anyway! (N.B. Joke!)
The problem is that my old boyfriend was (still is) a professional musician and this makes him a bit dodgy in my husband's eyes!

any Thu 19-May-11 23:16:54

I see and chat on facebook to my 1st husband we get on great and share our grandchildren

Mouse Fri 20-May-11 13:36:56

Glad to see that other people get on well with ex husbands as I do with mine. Many people seem to think its 'weird' that I am friendly with both him and his wife.

babyjack Sat 21-May-11 11:23:28

I have known friends who have made contact with old boyfriends through Friends Reunited , trouble is they tend to start off where they left off and turn into 15 year olds!!

Magsie Sun 22-May-11 20:41:41

That sounds intriguing babyjack- do they get all giggly or what?

sulu Sun 22-May-11 22:45:17

I think your hubby is a little wary because he cannot share with you the 'memories' of friends from the past that your old flame can. Let's face it there is generally a 'pre- this life' person! I wonder how it would be if he had bumped into an old flame, would he feel the need to be secretive or would he be upfront and say so like you have done? My ex husband is still part of my life, as others have said, as we have a common tie, our children - but to be honest we can't share someone's life for x amount of time and then forget them, nor should we, they're part of who we are and where we are! smile

sulu Sun 22-May-11 22:49:47

Hey! I went to a 'reunion' of my old Sunday School Choir, my first ever boyfriend was there, now we're reunited and have been married for 14yrs!! :0

babyjack Mon 23-May-11 17:29:48

hello Magsie - I think that as the relationship is based on what they last knew of each other, and so yes they have become a bit like teenagers.

johnbow Mon 23-May-11 19:58:08

there was a girl i was engaged to in the 60,s i would love to chat to her

granmouse Tue 24-May-11 15:32:00

probably wrong place to ask but can anyone tell me how to 'delete' an unwanted 'friend' on facebook?This is the dd of my dh's ex and her new partner however I have reason to believe it is actually the ex herself.

harrigran Tue 24-May-11 16:27:11

Granmouse, go to facebook and click on my account, a drop down menu allows you to edit friends. You should be able to do what you want from there.

granmouse Tue 24-May-11 22:34:08

thank you harrigran that worked smile

nanapippa Thu 26-May-11 17:25:59

I love facebook, but I think it has caused many problems within relationships, as well as being a great way to meet up with people one has lost contact with. A bit of a double edged sword.....

Hattie64 Thu 26-May-11 20:25:57

I was contacted by my first serious boyfriend, we were engaged, on Friends Re-united a few years back. I had often wondered what had happened to him after 40 years. He was living in Canada and coming to the UK with his wife. We agreed to meet in London. He hadn't changed much, only older, but he was so boring, I felt so sorry for his wife, as they had done so little with their lives, I could tell that she was utterly fed up with him. I was so glad I had met up with him, and realise my good luck at not marrying him myself. I never told my husband, it would have bothered him, wanting to know why I felt I had to meet him again.
This ex still sends me the odd email, and I do reply eventually, but keep it very short.