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My son won't bring my grandchild to visit

(7 Posts)
Leiba Tue 17-May-11 16:33:38

I have an 18mth old grandaughter who lives only about two miles away but my son won't bring her to visit me. My mobility problems mean it's difficult for me to go and visit them but they have a car so could easily get here. But they never do, there's always an excuse. As he never visits he's not fully aware of my problems and I've now upset him by telling him that I wouldn't be able to take my grandaughter to nursery for him every day. It would involve a taxi there, then a walk (but I can't walk that far) then back to his place and another taxi home.
Since she's been born I've only seen her four times, just after she was born, her christening, her first birthday party and last Christmas for an hour. I think these visits were only out of shame, his, as he would have to explain to people why he hadn't seen me on those special days. Any other time and he doesn't care about me seeing my first grandchild. He doesn't even keep in touch, I found out via facebook that she was walking. I'm beginning to hate him for keeping her away from me. Why would he do some thing like this?

harrigran Tue 17-May-11 16:38:49

I am so sorry to hear you are missing out on your granddaughter's milestones. It does sound as if there is some communication difficulty. Why not try writing a letter telling him of your mobility problems, perhaps your son is not really aware.

mollie Tue 17-May-11 16:40:56

I'm sorry about this, Leiba...have you asked him or the baby's mother? Seems to me that neither of you are being very good at communicating to each other - why doesn't he know how bad things are for you? Maybe he would visit more if he knew? I think you need to be open with him and ask him to be the same with you ...

I hope you can find a resolution, would be sad to miss out on your grandaughter's growing up...

Poppygran Tue 17-May-11 16:46:14

I think if there hasn't been some sort of rift between you and your son in the past Leiba you need to speak face to face with him and get this sorted out as it's obviously on your mind and won't be doing you any good.

Your little granddaughter is missing out on so much too.

maxgran Wed 18-May-11 14:41:32

Instead of starting to hate your son - try talking to him ?
Tell him how you feel - that you wish you could see your grandchild more often but you are finding it difficult. Ask him if he could come around more often.
Don't whinge or moan or try to make him feel guilty - You may not be aware of problems he is having - just as much as he is unaware of yours. He is not psychic and won't know how you feel unless you tell him.

Magsie Wed 18-May-11 14:59:15

Leiba, you don't mention how you get on with your granddaughter's mum. I only say this because I know that my husband would not necessarily think of visiting his mum unless I prompted him. It is often the woman of the family who is more thoughtful and you might get more response from her, assuming you are on good terms.
It seems unfair that they haven't visited very often but now expect you to take her to nursery every day.
Maybe that is how you could approach it? Tell them you would love to take her to nursery as it would mean that you saw her regularly but you don't see how it can be managed due to your health problems. Young families do have hectic lives and I don't think they spend much time thinking about anyone else- but as they've asked you to help, that might at least give you an opening for discussion.

Leiba Fri 20-May-11 21:50:54

I've tried all those suggestions, if I have an answer, he has an anti-answer. I'm only asked to help out as a last resort or for mundane things like waiting in for parcels etc. I've done that on many occassions.
My DiL is a nice woman and comes from a very well off family. They've seen more of my granddaughter than I have even though they live in Finland. I think my son is embarassed and/or ashamed of me because I'm not up to their standards. There's nothing I can do about that and I don't see why I should change (even if I could) just to keep up with the 'Jones's' as it were.
It's embarrassing when people ask how she is because I can't answer them.