...to wish people would not visit unannounced?

We have recently moved a couple of hours away but when we lived in London we were always having unannounced visitors. I really didn't mind at all and always made a quick meal. For that reason I always have basic foods that I can 'knock up' into a decent meal. I enjoy the 'challenge' sometimes. I just love having people around me and do miss it now we live too far away for unannounced visitors until I makes friends.

I'm sure if you have things to do or things that were organised which get spoilt by the unannounced can be enough to make you grumpy! Especially if it looks like they are staying a while.

I suppose it's nice to know that people do want to see you eh?

All down to the visitor, I guess. A friend I hadn't seen for years turned up on my doorstep a few weeks ago, just as I was going out, and I was chuffed to bits. Most people know not to expect anything from me other than a cup of tea *[cooking not my strong point]. I do hate having to 'entertain' someone...quite happy if they don't mine following me around whilst I do whatever I was doing prior to their visit. I don't get to see many people [probably due to *]. Very annoying, though, if I'm about to watch something on the telly that I've been planning to watch all day! That did happent the other week and it did make me very grumpy!

I hate it when visitors arrive unannounced, but, make them welcome and then enjoy their visit.
The one exception is if a dog arrives too. We don't have pets as our house is too small. Our Grandson is still at the crawling stage and I don't want him crawling where a dog has been.

I think it's one thing if people (and I mean close friends and family) literally 'pop in', but I don't like people descending on me and then expecting to spend hours being entertained and fed and watered . I will say to people who maybe live close by 'pop in if you're passing' but generally most people will always ring first which gives you a chance to say if it isn't convenient. I would always ring first and never, ever, just turn up on someone's doorstep.
Keeping good friends just takes a little consideration I think.

grandgardener you've summed up what I was trying to say exactly!

My brother-in-law used to be a rep and travelled all over the country. He always liked to visit people, however tenuous the link. He turned up on the doorstep saying "You don't know me but I'm your cousin Fred's next door neighbour". I'm sure he was a very popular guy!

I love unexpected visitors its an excuse to rummage through the fridge and cupboards and rustle up something to eat. We have a spare fridge freezer in the shed and it is always well stocked for these occasions. I dont have a big house but everyone is welcome at any time, and I would happily share my already prepared meal with visitors and quite often do! We have a lot of barbecues and if people have brought things that we dont eat I am happy for them to take them home again.

I have always lived in a society where you do not drop in unannounced. The culture is to ring up with your diary to make an appointment. People are always busy, going out etc., that this system has always worked and you are then very welcome when arriving. I would not be happy as I went out the door on my way to the allotment when I only had a couple of hours available to plant out and to find someone arriving, . I am 77 and this still applies.

I do not think one is grumpy, it is just trying to fit everything in when you live a busy life and you live alone and cannot delegate little jobs to a partner. If you drop on me you would be lucky to get a cup of coffee because I am always running out of milk or coffee.

I am a very friendly person and love company.

I love unannounced visitors though we rarely get them.I think my husband would be with Magsie though.

Oh come on folks-running out of milk? no-one heard of dried milk or UHT-not brilliant taste but last for ages and you can use them in soup when they start getting to the sell by

Magsie, I'm right with you: I actually love having visitors, but really need to know that they're coming before they turn up. To arrive unheralded on somebody's doorstep is the nadir of bad manners - in these days of mobile phones one can always phone ahead in the case of an emergency. The other thing that niggles me is visitors who come empty-handed. I was brought up to always take something to my hosts and would not dream of visiting without a box of sweets, a bunch of flowers or a bottle of wine. Some people just have no brought-upsy!

Oh, sussexpoet - I remember my mother-in-law's (quite frequent!) visits very well. She never did come empty handed though. Often it would be a tin of baked beans that was handed over as she stomped over the threshold. One of my visitors handed me a pound of mince and a partly used bottle of Fenjal Bath oil....!

Try the old Edinburgh greeting. When unexpected visitors arrive, say: 'You'll' have had your tea...'

Annobel...lovely! My dear father always greeted any visitor [even family] with: "When will you be going..." He was an old soldier and felt compelled to clock-watch

My home is like an open house and most of the time I love it. But, it does get a bit much sometimes when people stay all day. If they come for just an hour or so its lovely to see them and sisters, nephews, etc often do.
I hate people who make appointments to visit (I was brought up this way and fight against it!) as then Im sat around waiting for them to arrive. As for feeding them it depends what we are having. If its something that will stretch its fine, eg stew or a bolognaise, but there is a good chinese and indian close by so sometimes we all chip in and get a meal between us. Milk is no problem as the corner shop is 7 doors away and open until late.
I always think enjoy seeing them while you can cause when they arent around anymore you will never see them again. Not a good thought but very true.

I am in complete agreement with all thosewho are ' anti - unexpected 'visitors It is such bad manners. I may be retired but still am very busy with lots of pre-arranged committee meetings,craft meetings or just meeting friends I am afraid I say quite openly that I am going out, can we please arrange a date for the future when I will have time to welcome them . This has worked very well in the past -- my honesty has not lost me any friends so far !! '.

The coat thing reminded me of an idea Graham Norton had on his show the other week - whenever the doorbell goes and you aren't expecting someone - always put your coat on - if its somebody you like and want to ask in you can say 'How lovely to see you - I've just got in' - if its somebody you cant stand you can say 'Oh I'd love to see you but I'm just going out - sorreee!'

I remember as I child people were always "dropping in". In the Fifties and early Sixties it wasn't at all bad manners, just friendly and lovely to see people. Perhaps we - or our parents - had a slower pace of life, but dropping in was a way of life then in our village and I'm sure in cities too. Vera Drake is a perfect example!

We're all SO busy nowadays filling our time and our days, contacting each other by email or text rather than meeting. Just very occasionally someone drops in on me and it may be hideously inconvenient but it's lovely.

*I think its bad manners to turn up unannounced, people just expecting you to drop everything for them.
I always call before I go, even to close friends and family.
It would annoy me intensely if folk just arrived on my doorstep. I like visitors to enjoy their time in my house, not just make do.
These days a phone call costs nothing and manners are free too!*

Like Polly as a child people always were popping in my mum never seemed to mind though we had no phone so noone could let us know they were coming I am alwaus pleased when someone comes to see me alwys spare hlf an hour and if its someone I know will stay all day I just say glad you come now have to go out in an hour so you just caught me then if they are still there an hour later i say i have to get ready now to go out there has never been a problem with anyone when ive done this.

Oh Annobel - I love it! Must try to remember that one.

No one I know drops in expecting to be 'entertained' or fed, other than easy refreshments that most of us can provide at the drop of a hat. Having read the comments on this thread I now agree that, apart from in exceptional circumstances, it is rude to drop in and expect a full meal and/or to stay the whole day (or a good chunk of it). But nothing will ever convince me that it's rude to drop in on friends, or have them drop in on you, for a bit of chat and a cuppa. If it is inconvenient, you just say so and, if they really are friends, they won't have a problem with that. When I was a student in a hall of residence all my friends agreed that if you knocked on someone's door and they were busy you would go away again with no hard feelings but the person being visited was always glad to have been thought of. Maybe I was (and still am) lucky to have considerate friends. If you are considerate yourself you very soon understand which of your friends do not want to be dropped in on and act accordingly. Usually when people drop in — at least in my experience — they are just being friendly. I welcome that.

Magsie, who started this thread, seems to have been unfortunate in having some rather inconsiderate people turn up who put her to rather a lot of trouble. Most of us would find that trying, but not all drop-ins are equal so I'm not prepared to say categorically that it is rude to drop in: sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I guess it's down to social skills in the end.

Australians and New Zealanders are the worst visitors in the world. Our NZ relatives did not drop in on my elderly parents but were invited for coffee one morning and they just stayed and stayed and stayed. When it was obvious that lunch was not on offer they asked to use the phone and promptly vanished after the call. It was terribly embarrassing for my late parents.

On another occasion we offered to have a sort of 'family reunion' at our house as my late mother-in-law did not have the space or facilities to receive some unknown Australians. They arrived terribly early and I had just returned home from work and had not even had time to change never mind prepare the food. At the time, I was a smoker and lit up with which one woman threw a wobbler and dashed out of the living room and made her way to the breakfast room. Wine and soft drinks were on offer but my mother-in-law - not known to ever lift a finger - honed in on the kettle in our house which was unfamiliar to her. Pity she could not find hers so easily when we visited. Two guests were vegetarians and moaned when there was nothing to eat but salad. To cap it all, my sister-in-law and her husband arrived late having already eaten despite saying that they would share the cost. Not that that mattered, incidentally. No thank yous were received except for the Brit who had driven them to our house who said it was the best food he had eaten all week. He, poor love, went to the front door to smoke so I showed him into the garden where he could smoke in comfort. Was tempted to tell him to waft smoke all around the house first.

Rant over for now. Sorry to pick up this thread so late or perhaps I have started a new one?

Years ago before I had children I worked in an office. My husband was away on business and during a coffee break I was moaning about going home to an empty house - he was always home before me. One of my colleagues suggested that I come home with her and after supper we'd go to a great pub she knew. We arrived at her place and she disappeared into her kitchen to cook whilst her husband chatted to me over a gin and tonic. She then called him into the dining room to eat saying to me 'We'll leave as soon as we have eaten' and he turned on the TV for me to watch while THEY ate their meal. Needless to say I was starving. I stayed in the pub for less then an hour, pleaded a headache and went on a search for a Fish and Chip shop. I did something I never did [or do] I chomped my way through a large bag of fish and chips on the top of the bus on my way home. Needless to say a beautiful friendship was not born!!!

Hi Toothfairy

I find it bothersome and sometimes annoying when visitors call unannounced. We put a brave face on it and smile. What is annoying is the knowledge that it is possible nowadays to forewarn people of a visit where previously it was not possible. Previously your unannounced visitors were the only way of hearing about what was going on in the world and were welcomed for their fruitful gossip.

As a boy I remember our visitors, for we had something that attracted visitors, a radio - or wireless, as it was called in those distant days, an icon of oncoming modernity. Visitors sat on chairs surrounding this disconnected voice coming from this polished wooden box and were silent with amazement.My parents gave out tea and home-made cakes and the unannounced visit was turned into an occasion.

But now, a knock on the door sometimes means somebody selling something or wanting something and the feeling of annoyance as you go to the door outweighs all feelings of hospitality.

Frankly I don't know how I would react to casual visitors, for we are protected from the hazards of the outside world by the vast net of computer science. And if a knock comes to the door I go armed with a walking stick, a symbolic token of defense, just in case we need, in naval terms, to repel boarders.

The shame of it is that I have lost that once-valued open-heartedness that was the measure of my early life. The world has moved forward, alas. Best of luck Toothfairy

Penman

Definitely wouldn't appreciate unannounced visitors staying staying for hours and hours. I do like just a quick call beforehand (sometimes a little white lie is called for). But, all of this reminded me of an incident some years ago........same thing unwelcome visitors who over-stayed.........at about 9.p.m in the evening my husband popped upstairs and returned in his pyjamas (didn't know he had any!!)...........visitors eventually took that as their cue to leave............hee hee...
We're a lot better at dealing with "unwelcomes" now - always have an excuse ready. Fortunately we live in the middle of nowhere now so people don't often take the chance..........