...to wish people would not visit unannounced?

When my daughter was a teenager, our house was informally the "youth club". We could get back from shopping and find anything from ten to twenty young people sprawled around the sitting room. Every now and again it turned into what was known as a "bopping night" when we played my eclectic, not to say eccentric collection of records and everyone danced until they dropped, then had a sleepover. The young people were allowed to help themselves to soft drinks, crisps and biscuits, but were not allowed to touch alcohol. They were not allowed to smoke or bring drugs into the house and they had to let their parents know where they were. There was hardly ever a problem – someone used the phone to call a sex talk line which ran up a bill of over £200 (it's routed via Suvalu) , but the young people policed that themselves and it never happened again, and when there were sleepovers no one was late for school the next day. We dispensed plates of burgers and chips from time to time, comforted young people in trouble and despair, helped with homework and exam revision and we also had loads of fun. They truly were unexpected visitors as I never had the slightest idea who would be there and there was always someone new every week. I remember walking into my kitchen and a young man I had never seen before asked who I was. It was a safe, but relaxed environment for young people and they were both appreciative and affectionate. (I don't suppose you could do that in these days of political correctness without a police visit.) I really rather miss the "youth club", but, of course, they all grew up.

absentgrana, that's amazing and so cool! There's no way I could have coped with that.

absentgrana you've just described life in my house. I ran a youth club for years and always had a houseful - and yes, some of them were complete strangers. In more recent years we've provided homestay accommodation for hundreds (yes, literally) of foreign teenaged and adult students and also lodgings for a variety of people needing a bit of help. The last lodger was a homeless alcoholic who is now in rehab and whose life has been turned around. I often receive visits from a local man who has some mental health problems (don't we all at times!). He pops in from time to time and I make him a cup of tea and we have a bit of a chat. This week I was nearly moved to tears when he arrived with a box of teabags for me. If visitors arrive at an inconvenient time (which is very rare) I am happy to ask them to return another time.

Oh No,,you are right, if Im not in the mood, I just say,I not asking you in. and I have sometimes said in the evening,right, its time to go, i have a busy day tomorrow

My fater used to say ``here´s your hat, what´s your hurry``.

Family are welcome at any time - but I prefer friends to call first. My husband has recently been diagnosed with a serious illness and tires very easily. Real friends appreciate this and always call first. One Sunday some "friends" turned up out of the blue - they had just left the pub and were obviously intoxicated. The last time we saw them was 4 years previously when they had both ignored us. Being the polite people we are we invited them in and they stayed, and stayed and stayed - until I told them we had run out of wine (they drank 2 bottles between them!). My husband was particularly angry because as he said "we don't hear from them for years and now when they think I am on my way out suddenly they are our best friends". If they turn up again I won't be letting them in.

Looking at this from another point of view I think that there are many people who don't understand how to be a good guest.
There is etiquette to visiting and no-one should impose themselves on others but be awake to all the signs that mean they should leave or indeed not call in at all.
If it is inconvenient to have people call in we should not be afraid to say so and ask them to come another time when it is and if you call in on the off-chance you should be prepared to leave with no hard feelings.

From yet another point of view; how do you think any of the many lonely and housebound people who never see a visitor from one week to the next would answer this question?

The funny thing Annobel is that the couple who sparked off my original post did not intend to visit us at all. They came to see another relative who lives close by. She would probably have welcomed the visit but as she is elderly & lives alone, she will not answer the door to strangers. She looked out of an upstairs window and as she did not recognise the car, she wouldn't answer the door. Thinking she was out, the visitors then came to us. If they had rung her first, she would have been glad to see them. We always ring first when we go to see her because unexpected knocking at the door makes her nervous.

I think its rude to just turn up uninvited.
Even if I was happy to see someone who just turned up I would remind them it wuld have been best to let me know first.

My own kids always let me know before they pop round unless its an emergency - even then they would probably call first.

I would have no problem turning someone away if I was that mortified !