...to wish people would not visit unannounced?

I think its rude to just turn up uninvited.
Even if I was happy to see someone who just turned up I would remind them it wuld have been best to let me know first.

My own kids always let me know before they pop round unless its an emergency - even then they would probably call first.

I would have no problem turning someone away if I was that mortified !

The funny thing Annobel is that the couple who sparked off my original post did not intend to visit us at all. They came to see another relative who lives close by. She would probably have welcomed the visit but as she is elderly & lives alone, she will not answer the door to strangers. She looked out of an upstairs window and as she did not recognise the car, she wouldn't answer the door. Thinking she was out, the visitors then came to us. If they had rung her first, she would have been glad to see them. We always ring first when we go to see her because unexpected knocking at the door makes her nervous.

From yet another point of view; how do you think any of the many lonely and housebound people who never see a visitor from one week to the next would answer this question?

Looking at this from another point of view I think that there are many people who don't understand how to be a good guest.
There is etiquette to visiting and no-one should impose themselves on others but be awake to all the signs that mean they should leave or indeed not call in at all.
If it is inconvenient to have people call in we should not be afraid to say so and ask them to come another time when it is and if you call in on the off-chance you should be prepared to leave with no hard feelings.

Family are welcome at any time - but I prefer friends to call first. My husband has recently been diagnosed with a serious illness and tires very easily. Real friends appreciate this and always call first. One Sunday some "friends" turned up out of the blue - they had just left the pub and were obviously intoxicated. The last time we saw them was 4 years previously when they had both ignored us. Being the polite people we are we invited them in and they stayed, and stayed and stayed - until I told them we had run out of wine (they drank 2 bottles between them!). My husband was particularly angry because as he said "we don't hear from them for years and now when they think I am on my way out suddenly they are our best friends". If they turn up again I won't be letting them in.

My fater used to say ``here´s your hat, what´s your hurry``.

Oh No,,you are right, if Im not in the mood, I just say,I not asking you in. and I have sometimes said in the evening,right, its time to go, i have a busy day tomorrow

absentgrana you've just described life in my house. I ran a youth club for years and always had a houseful - and yes, some of them were complete strangers. In more recent years we've provided homestay accommodation for hundreds (yes, literally) of foreign teenaged and adult students and also lodgings for a variety of people needing a bit of help. The last lodger was a homeless alcoholic who is now in rehab and whose life has been turned around. I often receive visits from a local man who has some mental health problems (don't we all at times!). He pops in from time to time and I make him a cup of tea and we have a bit of a chat. This week I was nearly moved to tears when he arrived with a box of teabags for me. If visitors arrive at an inconvenient time (which is very rare) I am happy to ask them to return another time.

absentgrana, that's amazing and so cool! There's no way I could have coped with that.

When my daughter was a teenager, our house was informally the "youth club". We could get back from shopping and find anything from ten to twenty young people sprawled around the sitting room. Every now and again it turned into what was known as a "bopping night" when we played my eclectic, not to say eccentric collection of records and everyone danced until they dropped, then had a sleepover. The young people were allowed to help themselves to soft drinks, crisps and biscuits, but were not allowed to touch alcohol. They were not allowed to smoke or bring drugs into the house and they had to let their parents know where they were. There was hardly ever a problem – someone used the phone to call a sex talk line which ran up a bill of over £200 (it's routed via Suvalu) , but the young people policed that themselves and it never happened again, and when there were sleepovers no one was late for school the next day. We dispensed plates of burgers and chips from time to time, comforted young people in trouble and despair, helped with homework and exam revision and we also had loads of fun. They truly were unexpected visitors as I never had the slightest idea who would be there and there was always someone new every week. I remember walking into my kitchen and a young man I had never seen before asked who I was. It was a safe, but relaxed environment for young people and they were both appreciative and affectionate. (I don't suppose you could do that in these days of political correctness without a police visit.) I really rather miss the "youth club", but, of course, they all grew up.

Definitely wouldn't appreciate unannounced visitors staying staying for hours and hours. I do like just a quick call beforehand (sometimes a little white lie is called for). But, all of this reminded me of an incident some years ago........same thing unwelcome visitors who over-stayed.........at about 9.p.m in the evening my husband popped upstairs and returned in his pyjamas (didn't know he had any!!)...........visitors eventually took that as their cue to leave............hee hee...
We're a lot better at dealing with "unwelcomes" now - always have an excuse ready. Fortunately we live in the middle of nowhere now so people don't often take the chance..........

Hi Toothfairy

I find it bothersome and sometimes annoying when visitors call unannounced. We put a brave face on it and smile. What is annoying is the knowledge that it is possible nowadays to forewarn people of a visit where previously it was not possible. Previously your unannounced visitors were the only way of hearing about what was going on in the world and were welcomed for their fruitful gossip.

As a boy I remember our visitors, for we had something that attracted visitors, a radio - or wireless, as it was called in those distant days, an icon of oncoming modernity. Visitors sat on chairs surrounding this disconnected voice coming from this polished wooden box and were silent with amazement.My parents gave out tea and home-made cakes and the unannounced visit was turned into an occasion.

But now, a knock on the door sometimes means somebody selling something or wanting something and the feeling of annoyance as you go to the door outweighs all feelings of hospitality.

Frankly I don't know how I would react to casual visitors, for we are protected from the hazards of the outside world by the vast net of computer science. And if a knock comes to the door I go armed with a walking stick, a symbolic token of defense, just in case we need, in naval terms, to repel boarders.

The shame of it is that I have lost that once-valued open-heartedness that was the measure of my early life. The world has moved forward, alas. Best of luck Toothfairy

Penman

Years ago before I had children I worked in an office. My husband was away on business and during a coffee break I was moaning about going home to an empty house - he was always home before me. One of my colleagues suggested that I come home with her and after supper we'd go to a great pub she knew. We arrived at her place and she disappeared into her kitchen to cook whilst her husband chatted to me over a gin and tonic. She then called him into the dining room to eat saying to me 'We'll leave as soon as we have eaten' and he turned on the TV for me to watch while THEY ate their meal. Needless to say I was starving. I stayed in the pub for less then an hour, pleaded a headache and went on a search for a Fish and Chip shop. I did something I never did [or do] I chomped my way through a large bag of fish and chips on the top of the bus on my way home. Needless to say a beautiful friendship was not born!!!

Australians and New Zealanders are the worst visitors in the world. Our NZ relatives did not drop in on my elderly parents but were invited for coffee one morning and they just stayed and stayed and stayed. When it was obvious that lunch was not on offer they asked to use the phone and promptly vanished after the call. It was terribly embarrassing for my late parents.

On another occasion we offered to have a sort of 'family reunion' at our house as my late mother-in-law did not have the space or facilities to receive some unknown Australians. They arrived terribly early and I had just returned home from work and had not even had time to change never mind prepare the food. At the time, I was a smoker and lit up with which one woman threw a wobbler and dashed out of the living room and made her way to the breakfast room. Wine and soft drinks were on offer but my mother-in-law - not known to ever lift a finger - honed in on the kettle in our house which was unfamiliar to her. Pity she could not find hers so easily when we visited. Two guests were vegetarians and moaned when there was nothing to eat but salad. To cap it all, my sister-in-law and her husband arrived late having already eaten despite saying that they would share the cost. Not that that mattered, incidentally. No thank yous were received except for the Brit who had driven them to our house who said it was the best food he had eaten all week. He, poor love, went to the front door to smoke so I showed him into the garden where he could smoke in comfort. Was tempted to tell him to waft smoke all around the house first.

Rant over for now. Sorry to pick up this thread so late or perhaps I have started a new one?

No one I know drops in expecting to be 'entertained' or fed, other than easy refreshments that most of us can provide at the drop of a hat. Having read the comments on this thread I now agree that, apart from in exceptional circumstances, it is rude to drop in and expect a full meal and/or to stay the whole day (or a good chunk of it). But nothing will ever convince me that it's rude to drop in on friends, or have them drop in on you, for a bit of chat and a cuppa. If it is inconvenient, you just say so and, if they really are friends, they won't have a problem with that. When I was a student in a hall of residence all my friends agreed that if you knocked on someone's door and they were busy you would go away again with no hard feelings but the person being visited was always glad to have been thought of. Maybe I was (and still am) lucky to have considerate friends. If you are considerate yourself you very soon understand which of your friends do not want to be dropped in on and act accordingly. Usually when people drop in — at least in my experience — they are just being friendly. I welcome that.

Magsie, who started this thread, seems to have been unfortunate in having some rather inconsiderate people turn up who put her to rather a lot of trouble. Most of us would find that trying, but not all drop-ins are equal so I'm not prepared to say categorically that it is rude to drop in: sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I guess it's down to social skills in the end.

Oh Annobel - I love it! Must try to remember that one.

Like Polly as a child people always were popping in my mum never seemed to mind though we had no phone so noone could let us know they were coming I am alwaus pleased when someone comes to see me alwys spare hlf an hour and if its someone I know will stay all day I just say glad you come now have to go out in an hour so you just caught me then if they are still there an hour later i say i have to get ready now to go out there has never been a problem with anyone when ive done this.

*I think its bad manners to turn up unannounced, people just expecting you to drop everything for them.
I always call before I go, even to close friends and family.
It would annoy me intensely if folk just arrived on my doorstep. I like visitors to enjoy their time in my house, not just make do.
These days a phone call costs nothing and manners are free too!*

I remember as I child people were always "dropping in". In the Fifties and early Sixties it wasn't at all bad manners, just friendly and lovely to see people. Perhaps we - or our parents - had a slower pace of life, but dropping in was a way of life then in our village and I'm sure in cities too. Vera Drake is a perfect example!

We're all SO busy nowadays filling our time and our days, contacting each other by email or text rather than meeting. Just very occasionally someone drops in on me and it may be hideously inconvenient but it's lovely.

The coat thing reminded me of an idea Graham Norton had on his show the other week - whenever the doorbell goes and you aren't expecting someone - always put your coat on - if its somebody you like and want to ask in you can say 'How lovely to see you - I've just got in' - if its somebody you cant stand you can say 'Oh I'd love to see you but I'm just going out - sorreee!'

I am in complete agreement with all thosewho are ' anti - unexpected 'visitors It is such bad manners. I may be retired but still am very busy with lots of pre-arranged committee meetings,craft meetings or just meeting friends I am afraid I say quite openly that I am going out, can we please arrange a date for the future when I will have time to welcome them . This has worked very well in the past -- my honesty has not lost me any friends so far !! '.

My home is like an open house and most of the time I love it. But, it does get a bit much sometimes when people stay all day. If they come for just an hour or so its lovely to see them and sisters, nephews, etc often do.
I hate people who make appointments to visit (I was brought up this way and fight against it!) as then Im sat around waiting for them to arrive. As for feeding them it depends what we are having. If its something that will stretch its fine, eg stew or a bolognaise, but there is a good chinese and indian close by so sometimes we all chip in and get a meal between us. Milk is no problem as the corner shop is 7 doors away and open until late.
I always think enjoy seeing them while you can cause when they arent around anymore you will never see them again. Not a good thought but very true.

Annobel...lovely! My dear father always greeted any visitor [even family] with: "When will you be going..." He was an old soldier and felt compelled to clock-watch

Try the old Edinburgh greeting. When unexpected visitors arrive, say: 'You'll' have had your tea...'

Oh, sussexpoet - I remember my mother-in-law's (quite frequent!) visits very well. She never did come empty handed though. Often it would be a tin of baked beans that was handed over as she stomped over the threshold. One of my visitors handed me a pound of mince and a partly used bottle of Fenjal Bath oil....!