"Dear"

My DD2,s partner calls me "sweetheart" He is 23 and I am 54. It really grates on me but as we have a love/hate relationship i bite my tongue to keep the peace!

FYI, I only call Mrs. P, that on here, I usually call her by her Christian name.

Legs55, DD2 calls her cello Blossom! It is made partly of cherry wood. She was born in Scotland, as was her dad, but all my side of the family are from Yorkshire.

When my mum-in-law was in hospital, the (frighteningly young) doctor admitting her repeatedly called her 'Lily'. We were horrified, as we had never heard anyone except her family call her by her first name. Mum was stone deaf as well as seriously confused at the time, which unfortunately says a lot about communication standards in hospitals.

I seem to recall that my husband called my mother Mrs D for two or three years (before we were even thinking about getting married) until she asked him to call her by her first name. That rare thing, a gentleman, he thought it was her call about her name and status. I'm sure she appreciated it.

I tend to call most people "love" which is a term I grew up with being from Yorkshire! I don't even think about it as its part of my normal vocabulary (I now live in Surrey so I know some women find it unacceptable).

I find anything ok as long as the tone of voice is not patronising.

My Grandad used to call me Blossom - I've never heard anyone else use this (he was also a Yorkshireman).

You can call me anything as long as its not offensive.

My daughter now lives in Devon where its definately "my lover" or "maid" to refer to women.

down here in cardiff, I often get ' my lovely', which I really like - it always sounds friendly.

What I HATE is being called 'Young Lady' when it is blindingly obvious that I am nothing of the sort.

Oh well, grown men keep their boyhood so, in the interests of equality, women will have to be allowed to keep their girlhood.

LOL, Mrs.P's friend just arrived, first thing she said, "when are we having a get together with the girls"

This is quite amusing. I'd hate to have been called doll, ever, because of the awful connotations. Isn't it interesting how everyone differs in what words bother them? I'm sure there's material enough for a thesis for someone who could be bothered to do the research!

I've absolutely no objection to being called guy because I think it has recently taken on meaning to include females. Part of the fascinating evolution of the language.

How about Guys & Gals ?

When "the wife" (that will get me in trouble ) goes out with her friends, she refers to them as "The Girls", who is she kidding !!!!! Girls

I agree with SheenaF. I don't consider myself a 'guy'. Maybe a 'doll'? Once upon a time...

I'n guilty too. It's a useful alternative to 'boys and girls' for use at Cubs. Useful elsewhere too. Since its meaning in this usage now covers both sexes I don't see why people regard it as problematic.

Sorry Guys, I'm guilty of that one

Am I alone in hating the seemingly more common trend to address a group or table of people in a restaurant as 'guy's'? 'What can I get for you guys?' 'Is everything all right guys?' etc.

I don't mind being called Dear, Love or Duck. What I object to is speaking to someone on the telephone who sounds like a teenager and being addressed by my Christian name. I find this totally unacceptable. I was brought up to call all my elders Mr or Mrs unless they specifically asked me to use their Christian name. It seems to be normal these days for everyone to use your Christian name one you reach your "dotage".

I think I must be guilty of occasionally calling somebody dear, I would hate to be thought of as patronising I think in my case it just slips out when I feel a genuine affection for whoever I am talking to, anyway I shall curb my use of the word and be more careful

I think it all depends on personal preference. The problem with addressing people as "dear"; "love"; "girlie" or "my lover" or whatever, is that you do not know what people's personal preferences are. Therefore, to be polite, you should use a neutral term with strangers, preferably one that sounds respectful - "sir" or "madam" and so on.

And yes, helshea - people could easily say "dear" without being "nice and friendly". A lot would depend on how they said it.

I hate unequal naming. For example, one visits a doctor, who introduces him(it usually is a "him)self as "Dr Smith", then proceeds to address you by your first name, despite the fact that you are old enough to be his mother or gran!

Yes, it can be said that this is just to be friendly. But the reality is that it confirms the inequality of the relationship - "me -important doctor; you - not so important patient".

My favourite doctor always addressed me formally, until I asked her to call me by my first name. She then told me hers.

I like people to use my name. If they dont know my name they can ask. I HATE being called dear, love or any other word that I consider either patronising or intimate. David Cameron. Michael Winner. Just the type of men I would expect that sort of name calling from. Ugh!

helshea...quite right

Oh my goodness, I really don't understand what all the fuss is about, I have been called lot's of things in my life, some of which I probably don't know about, but I reckon "dear" is one of the nicest! No one would say "dear" without simply being nice and friendly. So lighten up a little.

I hate it when people I don't know call me by my first name when I haven't given them permission to do so - I know I'm probably hopelessly old fashioned but it is so disrespectful. And I hate being called "mate". Where did that come from?

Numberplease - I so agree about "the wife" - it's as though they're talking about the dog.

Born in Scotland I was very used to 'hen'. Married and Englishman, moved to Aylesbury and was called 'ducks'. Lived overseas for twenty years and was called Memsahib, Missy, Missus and various other epithets. Two months ago I was in the hairdressers and the young lad who washed my hair led me back to my seat saying 'Here you are, dear'! I was afronted, speechless and a bit upset. Why? It was the way it was said - dismissively, uncaringly and as if he had more important things to do - maybe he did, but if I ever see him again, he'd better watch out!!

Oh dear, I seem to be guilty on multiple accounts. I will have to try to mend my ways. Trouble is, old habits die hard.