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AIBU

To pay or not to pay

(15 Posts)
kitchen Thu 16-Jun-11 19:21:02

Last week I spent the day entertaining my granchildren, taking them out for lunch and paying for a soft play area during the afternoon. My DIL had arranged haircuts for the 2 children late afternoon and it was implied through my son that it would be very useful if I could take them. I have enjoyed the day with them and have to be honest and say I took pleasure in taking them for haircuts. Yet no money was offered for the haircuts and it does leave me slightly irritated. Is my irritation justified or am I being rather petty. Similar circumstances have happened before. I like to be generous with my grandchildren but do not like to feel used.

Magsie Thu 16-Jun-11 20:08:07

kitchen I'm sure you wouldn't take the money if it were offered but it would be nice if they said something like "Thank you for taking them- how much was it?" so that you could graciously refuse payment!

GrannyTunnocks Thu 16-Jun-11 20:15:03

I agree with Magsie. It would have been nice if they had offered the money.

Poppygran Thu 16-Jun-11 20:26:36

They should have offered the money as it's over and above the usual treats we happily pay for.

granmouse Thu 16-Jun-11 20:42:07

They should have offered-to be honest I would have asked I'm afraid.Its ok to pay if you suggest something but it shouldn't be taken for granted.

greenmossgiel Thu 16-Jun-11 20:50:16

I had the same problem when looking after my bunch when they were younger. I expected it to be that way, though, because their finances were so very tight. Mine are tight now, though....! hmm

kitchen Thu 16-Jun-11 21:20:26

Thank you for all your responses which have been very helpful. I hate to feel mean and just felt disappointed that no offer was made. Maybe next time I will take the advice of granmouse.

dorsetpennt Thu 16-Jun-11 21:39:35

they should have offered - if you'd taken them out for the day as you did then it's given that you'd pay for that treat - the haircuts are not your treat. I've had this when I've grocery shopped for Son and DIL as I get a food discount, quite often the money isn't forthcoming and it certainly is more then I pay for food, and they are better off then I am. I don't think it's deliberate just an over sight - but isn't difficult to ask for the money??

harrigran Thu 16-Jun-11 23:19:48

It would be polite to proffer money, haircuts are hardly treats supplied by grandparents. Poor kitchen your son and DIL must consider you to be wealthy.

HildaW Sat 18-Jun-11 12:06:36

Kitchen.............sorry you feel put upon...its a horrid feeling. They should have offered of course! You must not let the feelings you have spoil the lovely day you had though. Sometimes we do give out mixed messages however, for example if my daughter mentions that GS needs new shoes I cant wait to offer to buy or just pay for them if I cant go with them...I consider it a treat to be allowed to do so. She knows I feel that way and humours me....she knows I'm besotted and that I enjoy treating them both and its not in her nature to take advantage. However, if for some reason she just assumed I'd cough up for something I'm sure I'd sulk for weeks...its such an emotional minefield. Money and love do make strange bed fellows.

supernana Sat 18-Jun-11 13:13:22

kitchen...I'm with you. Of course we grannies consider it to be a privilege to treat and sometimes go as far as to 'spoil' our grandchildren. I work as a cleaner for a few hours each week so that I have extra funds for our seven grandchildrens' treats. You enjoyed giving of your time and you shared your love in all the ways granparents do. However, I believe that you should have been offered the payment for the hair cuts. It was rude and insensitive to take you for granted regarding the matter. Maybe you would have said ...'don't you dare...'twas my pleasure...' Even so...

jangly Sat 18-Jun-11 16:11:29

My daughter almost never offers to give me the money back. grin

I think its reasonable really. Buit it would be different if we were really hard up. But then, I think she would realise and offer to pay.

Magsie Sat 18-Jun-11 17:36:28

On the other hand, if we do any shopping for my MIL she insists on paying every last penny and we end up arguing about that...

Mariposa Sun 19-Jun-11 00:58:47

I don't think it unreasonable to expect to be offered the money to pay for your grandchildrens' haircuts. We grandparents can be taken for granted at times.

maxgran Tue 21-Jun-11 11:11:24

Why would you wait for the money to be 'offered' ??
I would have told them how much it cost and waited for the money !

I choose what money I spend on my grandchildren - and when I spend it,. and I would not be bothered if my son or daughter was offended if I asked for the money for haircuts that THEY had asked me to deal with ! Of course I would not ask them for money for things I had chosen to do with the children - but definitely for things they had organised

Why would you go away feeling irritated ?- its not fair to yourself or to them as they would have no idea that you felt like that unless you are straight with them.
I think its sad when families cannot be straight with each other - it causes all sorts of resentment and problems.