Why do school leavers have to have 'Proms'?

I think that it is barmy and far too costly...blah blah bah...

Hi Ladies, I am new to Gransnet, so I hope I don't get it wrong. Reading your thoughts on Proms and dresses made me very happy now I know I am not the only gran who feels this way. I had hoped the up side of the credit crunch would be that parents began to pass real values onto children, how can they have any real values when at 11 years old they come home and expect parents to fork out for prom dresses and everything that goes with it, often costing a couple of hundred pounds. My own grandaughter of 12 talks about the kids at school with their ipads and blackberries, for goodness sake surely thses are adult toys!. My values were taught by growing up in the country working on a farm for pocket money, being taught the animals were fed before us because they could not feed themselves and they brought the money in, we got treats but we earned most of them, we never expected any free meal tickets. I think end of term school disco is fine kids just coming together to chat, dance and eat hotdogs a nicer idea.

Love the term "prom circus", burgundy!

Baggy I use the term prom circus as to me it is a circus. There are so many people involved as well as the prom princess.

Parents are expected to fork out hundreds of pounds for one evening/night along with shoes, bags, jewelry, hairdos, tanning sessions, hair adornments and transport. Some have limos, horse and carriage and other expensive ways of getting them to the venue.

As whisper says these days of the credit crunch parents are forking out as they would for a wedding. We must also bear in mind that they will do this for a primary school prom then again when they leave senior school then again for a wedding. Parents need very deep pockets these days. I also agree that ipads, blackberries etc are not for the young children. parents need to take stock and decide what they are prepared to pay for and tell these children that there are more important things to spend hard earned money on.

I think that school proms add a lot of pressure to hard up parents. It's keeping up with the Joneses all over again. Our modern world must be very hard to live in for young parents. It is big businesss literally from cradle to grave via expensive weddings. My daughter's school has so far resisted the prom culture and hold a low budget BBQ for school leavers with a different fancy dress theme each year and entertainment provided by the pupils and some staff.

The thing about proms is that girls – and that's what they are – think they are living in a soap opera. Think of all the US television programmes around now which are full of having your own telephone line (as well as the cell), swimming pool, car, prom dress (compulsory), stretch limo (compulsory). It doesn't bear any resemblance to how life in this country works but, sadly, it seems real to them and something that should happen.

My two eldest grandaughters have had proms on leaving secondary school.They both had short but smart dresses costing under £100 pounds.Niether have worn the dresses again.They do not live in what could be called an affluent area, loads of unemployment etc.Some of their school mates went over the top, huge ballroom dresses, expensive hairdos and make up with pupils arriving in limos.Parents competing against each other about who has spent the most money.It has not reached the primary school stage yet but as they say, watch this space.

Here in Queensland my lads went to a low cost catholic co-ed school, and while some went overboard for the 'formal' as they call it here, most lads just hired suits, and the girls' Mums or Grans made their dresses. As I mentioned before, one lad chose to go, the other chose not to, but he did go in the end.

He became a high school teacher, teaching 15 year olds to school leavers, and one year the girls in his grade 12 ancient history class persuaded him to go to their formal. He did go, and there is a wonderful photo of him sitting, big grin on his face, surrounded by 8 beautiful girls in different coloured evening dresses.

The children love it really - it is their first grown up function, they are taught the etiquette and behavioural rules beforehand, and they have a great time. My part of SEQueensland is not a snob area - perhaps that helped. Maybe it is a snobfest down the Gold Coast or in the posh inner suburbs of Brisbane, but while I would have preferred something a bit simpler, it seemed to work well here.

I could not have afforded to kit my daughters up the way they do today. Apparently some primary schools also run proms which is truly disgraceful. Locally they wear glorious dresses and arrive in limousines - I thought we were in a recession.

It's a ghastly idea. Why are we always inheriting nauseating ideas from America. With apologies to Americans we've managed to adopt plenty of their bad things. Halloween has been made too much of. November 5th should give us sufficient jollity and is truly our own individual day.
I would like to add, although it might be deemed as irrelevant, that our eating habits have also been adopted from accross the Atlantic. Unhealthy or what!!!

I think the school 'formal' as we call it here in Queensland originated as simply the end of year school dance. We certainly had the school dance at Heckmondwike Grammar 1956-61, and I think they had them here too. Anyway, they are nothing compared with the utter waste and madness of weddings, with struggling working people paying thousands for the dress alone.

Luckily for us, Halloween is generally ignored. Some kids make a half-hearted attempt at trick or treat, only to be greeted at the door with "what the hell are you on about?" We are not so mean ourselves and usually buy some sweets, only to eat them ourselves later.

The food is another matter - but really, we are multicultural in our eating habits, here and in England. I don't think the Americans eat curries very much, for example, and apart from the dreaded fast food chains we have our own food traditions. Some are even passed on the other way. I once read about a Yorkshireman on tour in the USA. He called at a restaurant in a Native American area and ordered 'savory pudding' only to be served a perfect Yorkshire Pud.