To join Gransnet and not mumsnet?

Don't forget Gransnet has Granddads as well, one up on Mumsnet there.

Hello mumontherun. We're all mums too. Except for the grandads.

mumontherun there are few of us do some lurking over in Mumsnet, your very welcome to pop over anytime you fancy.

I lurk on Mumsnet, but find that Gransnet is much more friendly. Mumsnet is SCARY!!!!!

I find Mumsnet a bit scary too !! Many of the mums are really defensive and they worry more than is healthy ! I can't remember being so obsessed with whether I was doing things right or not with my own children,..I just blindly got on with it. There seems to have been a lot of 'rules' invented since my two were little !

I always want to suggest some of them 'chill out' !! ;-)

maxgran - I so agree with what you said. As a proud new grandmother I cannot believe how things have changed - and the worrying .... (shuddering emoticon). To be honest, I am not sure whether the attention is detail these days is healthy. We all still wanted to do the best for our children and, yes, I can remember checking to see if my first born was actually breathing, but I think we must have enjoyed our children more as we were so much more relaxed in general (although probably not in particular).

Yes GillieB - I know what you mean. The Mums on there seem to get stressed about 'upsetting' their children and say things about their child like 'He WON'T do this or that,.. NOTHING works'
If you suggest that THEY need to change what they are doing and that perhaps they are giving mixed messages to the child,.. they get very angry. I think sometimes they prefer to think they do have a monster and not a child ;-)

maxgran - i think the other thing which really surprises me about Mumsnet is how many parents have disabled children or children with SEN. I have been thinking about when my two were children and I think I can remember coming across just two children who had problems. One boy had behavioral problems and one had cystic fibrosis. Has there really been such a huge increase in the number of children with SEN? Or is it to do with diagnosis (ie we just had to get on with things all those years ago), I really don't know. I wonder if any research has been done into this? I am not being nasty here, you understand, just curious.

When my first daughter was pregnant, I was amazed at the things she wouldn't eat. I remember eating those things and both my daughters were perfect (I would say that, wouldn't I) Now they both have children, I sometimes have to bite my tongue about methods and ideas that are prevalent today. It's even more common on Mumsnet. maxgran You are right, they should chill out and not worry so much. My elder daughter obsessively checks her sons' temperatures when they have a slight fever. I keep saying 'don't worry, it's nothing' or 'they'll be fine' Apparently 'they'll be fine' is what I always say - according to them!

Janthea, My daughter in law takes my Grandsons temperature EVERY day. If it is slightly raised she gives him Calpol ! I keep telling her that a raised temperature is the body's way of fighting off infection/viruses etc,.. and that its only when it gets really high ( which you can tell by touching the child's fore head) that it need intervention to bring it down. Also,.. its only by fighting off infections etc that the immune system gets stronger !
I have seen my grandson running around quite happily whilst she is claining he is 'ill'

GillieB,... There do seem to be a lot of children with ADHD and stuff like that, I know that. Mums seem to consider their kids have that when they are just boisterous and they cannot manage them

One of the reasons this generation of parents worries so much is probably because there is so much information available at the click of a mouse. I'm not suggesting that 'ignorance is bliss' necessarily, but when you can Google a symptom or behaviour and come up with dozens of likely reasons for it, well, no wonder they worry. I bought up my girls without a medical book or a thermometer in the house. I did worry about lots of things, but not obsessively so.
Also, dare it be said, it seems that some parenting forums indulge in 'competitive worrying', if you know what I mean.

I dont think I should have survived my first pregnancy - I had a fancy for prawns: breakfast, lunch and supper. These days you would not be allowed to eat such a thing. Certain cheeses are verboten as are certai meats. I know everyone wants to do the best for their baby but starting the pregnancy with worries can't be good, can it?

I bought a baby book when I had my first baby - My mother told me to throw it away. She reckoned each book gave different advice - much of which was rubbish ! I was trying to follow the routine the book told me to follow and was getting stressed because the baby didn't sleep at 2pm like the book said she should ! I gave up the book within 4 weeks.

I certainly noticed with my daughters and DIL that they had very little confidence in their own instincts. There seems to have been a collective loss of nerve in their generation. Those of us who have been around for longer can see that much of what is taken as 'gospel' in childrearing is really just fashion and will change in a few years, but it is very hard for young mums to ignore the babycare police!

I can't get over the number of Mums who say their child hits and kicks them or their husband and other children !....and they ASK what they should do about it !! Its a bit like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted - If they get that far then the Mum must have given the child way too much power for a long time !
My son is 32 now - and I doubt he would dare hit me now - never mind when he was a child !!

My daughter lives in Oz with husband and small one. Ghastly there! Babe threatened with sleep school if she didn't sleep for a set time in the day God knows what that would have entailed). As to tummy time, ah the tyranny of it. Babe hated it and cried when put on tummy; the baby police were horrified at her apparent lack of neck strength and prescribed more tummy time ('or else' was always the sub text). Told daughter to ignore it and not take her to the clinic any more. Oddly, babe crawled and walked on time and head appears firmly attached to shoulders.

I swore by Dr Spock when I had my first and can't imagine why his ideas have gone out of fashion. They were simple common sense for the most part and the best of it was that he encouraged mums to trust their own instincts.

Annobel I also had Dr Spock and as you rightly say, full of common sense. raggygranny you, too, are right that they all appear nervous of their own common sense and won't trust it. I also ate things that are now banned when I was preganant and enjoyed the occasional scotch and ginger! As I tell my girls, they lived!!

Only thing I couldn't go along with with Dr Spock was the "never bring your child into your bed".

The cuddles, and fun, we would have missed.

vojangly Hugh Jolly was the Consultant Paediatrician at the hospital where I had my daughter and he encouraged all mothers to have their babies in bed with them from the birth onwards – at least until we stopped breast-feeding. He also reckoned that there were no cases of healthy babies being smothered by adults in the same bed, except where alcohol, drugs or obesity were factors (in the adults not the babies).

Maxgran - the other thing that mums seem to do these days is to catalogue all their child's problems and tel you how difficult they are to control etc in front of the child who listens smugly and plots what to do next to drive mum to drink. If I discussed problems with anyone else, it was well out of their hearing. They need to at least think that you are in charge of the situation and are just getting round to sorting everything out.

I keep changing my mind about having the baby in bed thing. I used to think Dr Hugh Jolly was really good in the 70s. He seemed to talk sense.
Perhaps Spock meant don't let the baby/child sleep all night in your bed ? Surely he didn't mean not let them in for cuddles in the morning ??

My daughter has let all her children sleep in her bed from birth - she ended up having 3 children in bed with her and her husband every single night. I doubt any of them got a good night sleep and she has problems with them now not wanting to be in their own beds. My son and his wife have never let their son sleep in their bed - only when he has been ill - and then my son sleeps on the sofa ! Its great babysitting for him because he has a firm bedtime routine which he follows quite happily whereas my daughter's children are chaotic and don't want to go to bed at all !

Elegran,.. I can't remember my own mother ever discussing problems with us kids,.. she didn't have any because she just expected us to do whatever she said .......... and we did.

I had Dr Spock's book too - and I remember one of the things he said early on in it was something like to follow your own instincts as they were most likely to be right for you. He had some very sensible suggestions for the times when you were not sure what was the best thing to do.

As for the children in your bed thing, the norm in our house was that everyone had their own bed, where they were comfortable and happy. Sometimes little feet would patter in to us after a bad dream, or a frightening thought. We were always welcoming and reassuring and kept them with us until the memory had faded and they were getting sleepy, then we would ask if they were ready to go back yet. If they were, they would be carried back and tucked in, and slept soundly there. It was not often that anyone needed longer.

They mostly entertained themselves in the mornings. They could all read pretty young and had books beside the bed. Closed curtains kept out the dawn light, that helped.

"You know more than you think you do." That was the opening sentence in Dr Spock. I was 20, an only child, with a baby and hadn't a clue what I was doing. E.G. Weaning....strange word, I thought. I still have my copy of the book - no covers, certain pages dog eared, and three wonderful children in their 40s.