Gransnet forums


Don't know what to do for the best.

(17 Posts)
greenmossgiel Tue 09-Aug-11 21:47:31

My daughter's always been a bad manager, and has been out of work for a long while now. When I discovered she was absolutely desperate, I paid her rent (a few times, now, actually). Her landlord has contacted me saying he cannot make contact with her sand she owes a month's rent again. She isn't good at 'addressing' issues, and I know she's just been hiding her head in the sand. I just cannot afford to pay her rent again. For me to face her with it would be very difficult as she's quite 'tender' emotionally. Has anyone got any feelings on the subject? I'm not happy about the landlord texting me either, but I suppose he's desperate too.

glammanana Tue 09-Aug-11 22:02:45

If your DD is unemployed she is entitled to help with her rent from Local
Council also her Council Tax,she can get this paid direct to her LLord and if
she is not granted the full amount of rent due she will only have to find the shortfall.I know this as I have just been through it with my DD when her
hubby left her and the DGC earlier on in the year.PM me to-morrow if you
need some more personal advice

greenmossgiel Tue 09-Aug-11 22:15:22

Thank you, Glammanana.

jangly Wed 10-Aug-11 14:32:29

Is she a married daughter, or a singleton living on her own? If the latter, could you have her back with you?

Or is that too horrible to contemplate. (going on the state the house gets in when daughter is just here for a holiday)

You could point out to the landlord that it is nothing to do with you and not to text you again. Don't worry about whether he is desperate.

AmberGold Wed 10-Aug-11 17:28:31

She may be "tender" but the best thing anyone could do for her is to sit down and explain how to manage her money and life. She need proper financial advice. If she doesn't know how to budget she will keep getting into the same situation again and again..

greenmossgiel Wed 10-Aug-11 17:54:30

All seems to be resolved, I think (hope). I went to see her today and she'd already dealt with certain aspects of the problem. She has been through a really bad time emotionally, and has always found it hard to address 'issues'. However, today, after leaving her I felt quite confident that she felt more confident,too. Thanks for your help.

HildaW Wed 10-Aug-11 18:04:35

Its a hard lesson to learn, but we all have to reach that point where we have to face up to things. Luckily its done sooner rather than later. All I can say Greenmossgiel, is that you sound a lovely Mum and I do know all about worrying about daughters. She sounds as if she need to learn to manage finances and perhaps even life a little better. I have a 60 year old sister in law who is still a disaster in this field and her long suffering brother (my husband) has been at his wits end over the last few years 'rescuing her'. I think C.A.B. do debt councelling etc perhaps they might know where she could get some help. You wont always be around (horrid thought I know) so she has got to be a bit braver about things. Good Luck.

jangly Wed 10-Aug-11 18:16:08

That's good Green. smile

jangly Wed 10-Aug-11 18:16:56

Hope you didn't mind me bringing the thread back. I was a bit worried about you.

numberplease Wed 10-Aug-11 20:39:29

I`m glad things are turning around for your daughter, greenmossgiel, hope everything continues to go well. Our eldest son has lived his whole life getting into debt and relying on others, namely hubby and our eldesdt daughter, to get him out of trouble. Then a couple of years ago hubby told him no more, they`re both working, and he`s also finished now having to pay support for his eldest son from his first marriage, so we said he had to start managing, which he has been doing, but whenever they want to buy something it`s always a case of "we want it and we want it now", and my daughter is soft enough to keep coughing up the money, although they owe her an absolute fortune! Greenmossgiel, you are a lovely mum, my son probably wishes I was more like you!

greenmossgiel Thu 11-Aug-11 13:52:58

You are all lovely people! smile

glammanana Thu 11-Aug-11 14:09:56

Hoping every thing ok and you are back on track a bit to-day x

greenmossgiel Thu 11-Aug-11 14:53:55

Well glammanana, I spoke to my daughter and hope she's taken on board the fact that CAB may be able to help. Getting her to go is another problem. For me to keep helping financially is no longer an option. The problem will keep happening, I think, but at least, if she's able to see there's a way out of a problem and she follows advice then hopefully....hmmsmile

glammanana Fri 12-Aug-11 21:41:36

I think green that after the first or second time you say no to any financial help
the penny may drop and she will do something positive for herself,sometime's we
do make thing's easy for them don't we,but that's the problem with being a caring mum isn't it.

greenmossgiel Sat 13-Aug-11 18:31:49

glammanana, you are quite right. I don't really know what else I can do to help her. We do try to make things easier for our children - we can't bear for them to be hurt or frightened. There are so many threads throughout gransnet saying the same thing. I will help her to help herself, if she can allow me to do this.

Nanban Mon 15-Aug-11 19:43:36

Is your daughter single? Does she have children? Our job is always to help our children but unless you limit it to once she will not recognise any need to be responsible and that will cripple her as much as it will burden you with her problems.

Be brave for you both. xx

greenmossgiel Mon 15-Aug-11 20:02:17

Nanban - my daughter divorced many years ago - in fact she's a gran herself now! Over the last few days, she's made herself a GP's appointment, which, (if she actually goes) will hopefully help her deal with the emotional problems that have built up for her. I've taken a step back re her finances, but she knows I'll accompany her to CAB if she wants to go. (Should the landlord contact me again, he's going to get short-shrift!) smile