To not understand MIL?

Of course, complete sense! Why did it not occur to me that Wibble has found time in her very busy life to stick her nose into Gransnet to complain - no doubt on her fairly sophisticated computer that is the result of the extra hours she is working rather than being around for her children.

Something I never expected to say but here goes - in my day - oh dear - we mothers gave up stuff to stay home and do the amazingly important job of bringing up children - who incidentally, if we couldn't afford to have them, we waited until we could or struggled along until life got easier.

Is it just me that reacts badly to the current culture of 'I want, so I'll have it' regardless of forward planning, affordability etc.

Wibble - do you know about Mumsnet? You will find plenty of like minded people there to give you advice.

Bye.

And they don't hold back on what they think either !!!

jangly, you are really rather naughty

Two nil to jangly in the kill-a-thread game.

Even if this is not a genuine post then surely calm and measured responses are needed. I don't think it is helpful to be inflammatory. As a post it raises issues which may be helpful to MILs and DILs alike.

I think so too....I like that we can give advice to DILs, between all of us we have experienced quite a lot. I would not like to think of Wibble's MIL missing out on seeing her grandchildren because of our comments!

Wibble, you say that your MiL is physically fit, but from what you say it occurs to me that she may be suffering from depression, possibly undiagnosed. 'Can't be bothered' is sometimes, or even often, a symptom and in post-menopausal women, especially living alone, this kind of depression is all too common. I know whereof I write! A little more understanding and less censure, please.

Yes I am suspecting that wibble is a troll. If not she needs to slow down a bit and make more time for her family. No wonder her mil stays away if you are all rushing around. I certainly would not be willing to take a bus to watch my grandchildren playing football only to go home afterwards. The least you can do is take her for a cup of tea before seeing her on the bus home. Grandparents can be so good for grandchildren. They can do lots together. Make use of her while she is still fit. My grandchildren just love simple things like going on a bus, going for a walk or playing cards. They also love stories about when their mum or dad were children.

Another consideration is that standing in the cold (or the warmth — standing) to watch football is not some people's idea of fun. I'm not sure I'd do it, even for grandchildren. Wibble, you need to give your MIL more opportunities to see her GC easily without there being a whirlwind of frazzle all around her. Fit her in rather than expecting her to fit in.

Your DH needs to be kinder to his mum too, at least so it would seem from what you've said.

Are you both just making excuses because you don't actually want her to visit? It does sound like that.

Yes I am suspecting that wibble is a troll. If not she needs to slow down a bit and make more time for her family. No wonder her mil stays away if you are all rushing around. I certainly would not be willing to take a bus to watch my grandchildren playing football only to go home afterwards. The least you can do is take her for a cup of tea before seeing her on the bus home. Grandparents can be so good for grandchildren. They can do lots together. Make use of her while she is still fit. My grandchildren just love simple things like going on a bus, going for a walk or playing cards. They also love stories about when their mum or dad were children.

I'm sure you're right Mamie.

The floor is all yours.

Personally, I can't past the bit where Wibble says "either she needs to fit in with us or she doesn't".

Says it all really.

I don't for one moment think she is a troll. As a long term member of Mumsnet (not now - GN much better) the post is very indicative of present day thinking over there.

I have the distinct feeling, that not getting the answers she expected - shock, horror, awful MiL etc - Wibbly has Wibbled off! She bit off a little more than she could palatably chew - Gransnet, superb.

I keep coming across the shorthand - DH - and have no idea what that means?
Dear Husband?

I think I might have a look at Mumsnet now.

"they have no claim on these new children - they are not their parents"

I think you are a not very nice person Wibble

I think basically mil doesn't want to spend time with you.

There's a surprise.

Nanban - it stands for DARLING husband, no less!

Nanban - wear a hard hat and DON'T POST!

(if you go on mumsnet)

Well Wibble might have wibbled off, but I do have a few observations:

1) saying "they have no claim on these new children - they are not their parents" is just about the most inflammatory thing you can say on Gransnet. Which is why I am still troll suspicious. The love for grandchildren does not invoke a claim, the love is magnified unconditional love in a different dimension from love for children.

2) if you post something contentious on a forum, you should expect mortar fire.

3) I love gransnet, I am a new gran of 2 yrs (DC = 2 and 1). I gave up posting on lists many years ago, but now, allied with the bit of free time of retirement I have found somewhere I can see like-minded and interesting stuff (mostly).

4) I mostly occupy the prolapse thread in Health, so I am probably looking for a bit of sport. Forums can be sport you know as well as interesting and informative.

NannaJeannie If you are looking for sport perhaps you should contact Jangly and challenge her to the Thread Leapfrog Marathon. Be warned - she will probably beat you. Great fun though.

Oh dear, I went on mumsnet - completely awful lot over there - aggressive, must have, I want, I'm entitled types. They need to grow up into Grannies! It seems they objected to looters and the people who gained new 'stuff' being punished for it! I'm not sure prison is the answer - perhaps the 'baddies' should be made to face up to the people they've hurt and spend time tidying up the destruction they caused.

Oh dear, I don't think I should be brave enough for Mumsnet. It does make me wonder though whether I was quite so opinionated and sure of myself at that time of my life. I sure ain't now!

Now you see Else, I am.

What's wrong with being opinionated so long as your opinions are the correct ones, like what mine are.

Actually, a lot of those mums on MN are often quite right!

Wibble I find some of your views quite alien to me but then we are not all alike. More importantly, I find some of what you say quite contradictory and therefore it is hard to understand why you have posted here. Having asked for advice about the situation with your mother-in-law and therefore presumably wanting to establish some sort of harmonious relationship, you are dismissive about her. "DH is free to go and see her if he wants". I should hope so, he's a grown man. However, if this is indicative of your attitude towards your mother-in-law, it's hardly welcoming.

Your total inability to recognise the nature of most grandparents' feelings towards the grandchildren is quite astonishing. Also, you sound very defensive – are you concerned that somehow granny will take away something from your children that should be mummy's and mummy's alone? Perhaps you never had a relationship with your own grandparents and so have no experience of this extra dimension and dynamic added not just to a child's life but to family life in general.

You clearly feel resentful about your mother-in-law preferring to have tea with her neighbour rather than attending your child's school play and I fully understand how hurt mums can be on behalf of their disappointed children. However, later you describe how your father fits in – i.e. you hoover round him. The most important person in his life died a few years ago and you and your children are his closest family and all the more precious for his sad loss – and he falls asleep in front of the television? He can do that at home any old time and probably does. He fits in because if he doesn't, he will just be a widower who doesn't see his family.

Finally, having posted at length twice, you seem very dismissive of carefully thought-out replies from gransnetters (jangly being, as always, an exception). Clearly you do have a very busy life but please have the courtesy to recognise that we are not just a bunch of silly old women who have nothing better to do all day than gossip on this site.