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To want an 'Interactive' type of funeral?

(51 Posts)
nannym Fri 19-Aug-11 12:54:50

One evening recently a programme on the television prompted me to start a discussion with my DH about my funeral (which is hopefully still a good few years away, but you never know...). I want a Humanist service, cardboard coffin, no flowers (wicked waste of money), and no arguments over the choice of music which is Going On Up To The Spirit In the Sky on entry to the Crematorium and Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye as the coffin disappears behind the curtain. As each person takes an order of service they will also be given a small Union Jack and I want them to wave this as they sing. DH is horrified at what he regards as a total lack of respect for the occassion. What do others think?

greenmossgiel Fri 19-Aug-11 13:17:58

Brilliant idea - and it's about what you want. Not to follow your wishes would be disrespectful, actually smile!

Baggy Fri 19-Aug-11 13:33:40

Disrespectful to whom? Not you, because it's what you want. If anyone else feels disresepected there's an easy cure: stay away. It sounds lovely to me. smile

GoldenGran Fri 19-Aug-11 14:05:03

Sounds great to me! Hope it is a very long way off! I don't think anyone can construe it as disrespectful as you have planned it yourself. The flags are a great sign of respect!smile

Annobel Fri 19-Aug-11 14:35:20

Sounds like a memorable occasion and who cares about so-called 'respect'. I am planning to have 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' played at mine. You've given me an idea though - but my flags will be the Scottish saltire!

glammanana Fri 19-Aug-11 14:37:53

Good for you your DH should respect your wishes and if he doesn't threaten to come back and haunt him lol,I am donating my bit's and pieces to science
the reason being is that I have a terrible fear of fire and of not being
properly deceased when the time come's,so at least I would be unconcious
when the vital organ's where removed,making sure I was well and truely
gone,only then would I allow any service to take place,and the simpilar
the better,because as few people as possible are going to make a profit from
me and mine

bunic Fri 19-Aug-11 16:43:52

good idea, mines the flag of St Piran,music, Telestar &Mr Blue Sky.

janreb Fri 19-Aug-11 16:47:48

Sounds brilliant to me. My husband wants Joe Brown singing I'll See You In My Dreams and The Travelling Wilberries played at his. I haven't decided yet but will certainly want Beach Boys music, perhaps some Elvis.
My parents both wanted the most basic funerals, with no flowers and only immediate family there. Several people were horrified but we stuck to their wishes.

absentgrana Fri 19-Aug-11 16:48:38

I'm not sure I want interactive in that I hope when it's all happening, I shall be dead and completely unable to interact with anything in a meaningful way (worms excluded). However, all in favour of cardboard coffin, good music and a great excuse for a party. The more the merrier, I say, and hang the expense – I can afford to buy one more round for my family and friends. grin

ElseG Fri 19-Aug-11 17:01:04

I want a jazz band to lead my coffin through the streets of our town. Most of all I want people to notice and think I must have been someone special.

I am afraid I should laugh if I went to a funeral where the coffin is seen off by people waiving flags and singing 'Wish me luck as you wave me Goodbye' and this would be rather sad for the family left behind. Unless, of course, they all have your terrific sense of humour nannym

Annika Fri 19-Aug-11 17:03:52

I did say I want Ding Dong the wicked witch is dead but perhaps not. I would find that funny but I am not sure about those I leave behind so I will choose Queen ,Those were the days of our lives to be played as my coffin slips behind the curtain

nannym Fri 19-Aug-11 18:35:13

My two sons are already aware of what I'm planning, and indeed it was my eldest who suggested the flags. They have both inherited my sense of humour, and think it will be a fantastic way to see me off! Indeed, when I was talking to them about my idea we progressed from the service to the wake afterwards and have agreed that Devils on Horseback have got to be on the menu with possibly small bowls of cinder toffee on the tables. At one time we were laughing so much that we were practically crying. One of the best chats ever!! grin

Granny23 Fri 19-Aug-11 18:47:23

Friend of ours went off to 'The party's over, it's time to call it a day' - not a dry eye in the house. Another left the church for a burial to 'Another one bites the dust'.

I have thought of various tunes to lighten the mood but after lots of consideration, and realising that I have never attended a happy funeral, am coming round to the idea of not having a funeral at all. There is no law that says you have to have one. You must dispose of the body appropriately but that can be very simply done e.g. undertaker collects body from home/hospital, takes to crematorium and either scatters ashes there or puts in a jar for family to collect. No unneccessary expense, no family grieving in public, no one having to travel at short notice.

I even have a little poem ditty which goes

When I die don't bury me deep
Just shovel me onto the compost heap
When I'm well rotted you can bung
me onto the garden in place of dung.

granmouse Fri 19-Aug-11 19:27:58

I want helium balloons at mine and to go out to 'That's No Way to Say Goodbye' by Leonard Cohen.I would like someone to read 'No Matter What' by Debbi Gliori at the crem and the closing lines of that in the book of remembrance 'Love,like starlight,never dies.'

nanachrissy Fri 19-Aug-11 19:32:20

I thought it was only me who didn't want a funeral, but you girls have made my day! So funny, I love the music choices! grin

HildaW Fri 19-Aug-11 21:57:20

hows about 'The only way is up'?

Faye Fri 19-Aug-11 22:37:23

Last week I went to my uncle's funeral. It was held at a funeral home and the man giving the service might have been better performing in plays he was so theatrical. My brother who is very down to earth looked at me and rolled his eyes.
Two years ago a friend's son died when he was in his 30s. His funeral was also held in a funeral home but the family didn't have a stranger giving the service, they did it themselves. Each one stood up and talked about the young man and through tears, laughter and sadness they told of the things their son and brother had done in his life. They played his favorite songs and on a screen displayed pictures of him. Then his friends told their stories. The whole experience was very moving. Later we went to a hotel.
My eldest daughter went to a funeral about two years ago for the fifteen year old son of a friend. It was held in a church and during the service they played the favorite song of this lad and all through it the vicar kept talking about God. My daughter was quite annoyed and talked of how the service was so impersonal.
Funerals should be about the person who has died and what they want, not what someone else decides is best. I know what type of funeral I am going to have!!!

crimson Fri 19-Aug-11 22:37:58

A dear friend of mine passed away a couple of years ago; he used to write for Dr song was Who Knows Where the Time Goes, but we sent him off with the Dr Who theme tune. Tears and laughter.

bikergran Sat 20-Aug-11 18:50:49

I think we should have our own funerel whilst we are here lol....I mean we don't want to miss the party do we..trouble is how long do you wait to organise and when do have it!!tomorrow ? next week? next year? hmm

ElseG Sat 20-Aug-11 19:40:48

My sister in law was a Sufi and she had a funeral in a remembrance garden with no vicar or religious accoutrements. She was buried in a cardboard coffin and we all spoke if we felt we could or should. Nothing was pre-arranged but it was very moving. I think I quite like this idea but I am religious and I do so want that jazz band.

absentgrana Sat 20-Aug-11 20:02:28

Funerals are not for those of us who die, except on the most practical way, but for those who are left to grieve. It helps if we have left wishes, so the admin is simple, and it will never be a happy event. However, we must allow space for those who loved us to say goodbye the way they want to. If your jazz band or horses or meaningful songs are in tune with what your nearest and dearest want and if a cardboard or wicker coffin seems fine to them, rather than the polished oak that they would feel is right, then fine. But funerals and cremations won't matter when we're dead, but they matter a lot to the living because it's the first way of coming to grips with your sense of loss.

expatmaggie Sat 20-Aug-11 20:51:52

Well said absentgrana! Its the ones who are left who should be saying goodbye in a way they are comfortable with. After all they are grieving and something that makes those days easier for them is best. So talk it over with the people concerned and if they think they will be up to waving flags and listening to jazz bands in church then that's Ok. I personally wouldn't like it.

grannyactivist Sat 20-Aug-11 21:05:11

I agree with the last two comments. I have discussed my funeral with my nearest and dearest; specified the who, how, what and where of it - and I'm sure it will be an occasion that reflects who I 'was' and is in tune with the mood of my family and friends. The only foreseeable difficulty is that I want my two closest friends to sing a particular duet together and they might be a bit too emotional to do it.

80sMum Sat 20-Aug-11 23:27:59

Sounds great! I want a jazz band and fireworks at my funeral! We all die, so lets celebrate that life that has been. afetr all, being alive is pretty bloody amazing when you think about it! My music will be Monty Python's "Always look on the Bright Side of Life!" And everyone has to whistle!

pinkprincess Sat 20-Aug-11 23:40:45

My DH and I were discussing funerals the other day.He commented that almost every funeral he has been to the officiating priest or vicar goes on and on about how good the person was, a proper saint.He says he wants none of that. he hopes that at when his time comes his not so good points will be heard as well, and family can take part, not just a priest who does not know him.Although he is not a church goer he still wants a priest as he still believes, but only to say the necessary prayers, family and friends can do the rest.
The worst funeral I was at was my father's. He was a catholic turned atheist and stipulated he wanted no religion.We did not know about non religious funerals then but had to abide by his wishes.There was nothing ar all, just us going into the crematoriam, no words said, nothing.If we had been better informed then we could have given him a good one, but at the time we knew nothing about non religious funerals.
I am a practising catholic and told my family(who no longer go to church) that I want the full religious service but they can take part in saying what they want