Gransnet forums

AIBU I being over pics

(47 Posts)
Grumpyoldwoman Tue 23-Aug-11 12:41:33

my daughter gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl at 12.30 am. We are so thrilled.
I have looked after her other 3 children (one a 22mth old) since Sunday morning as well as my disabled husband.) I haven't slept for more than a couple of hrs in 2 nights I have been so worried about my daughter)
I also tidied their house before we left. I have made a whole weeks meals for their freezer in the past week, also hours & hours of ironing.
I also brought 6 loads of washing back with me which is all done.

so am i being too sensitive to be upset about my SIL posting the first pictures of Martha at a few minutes old on public facebook without sending them by email or private message for us to see first. I am really upset by this ...but then you don't know our SIL !!! He is a lazy, ungrateful, insensitive ass !! (the whole family think the same as do a lot of our daughters friends.

I would do anything for my D and GC but SIL seemsto think it is my 'duty'

jangly Tue 23-Aug-11 12:47:55

You are not being at all unreasonable. angry for you.

Its the way of the flipping world unfortunately.

Congrats on new baby. Enjoy her. smile

glassortwo Tue 23-Aug-11 12:50:29

Grumpy I think he could have emailed them to you before posting them on FB, I dont think you are being too sensitive its only natural you would have liked to have seen Martha before the rest of the world. It is a typical insensitive thing that men can do at times, dont let it upset you, you will soon be able to have a cuddle and that is worth more than the photo.

jackyann Tue 23-Aug-11 13:13:30

I think this is one of those situations where one person feels something is insensitive, another "can't see what the fuss is about".
It's often a generational or cultural thing, but also about different personalities & different "triggers".
It's a minefield, and worse in a world that is changing so fast.

I agree with you, notgrumpyatall, about the pics & I also think if I had done the work you have over the last few days, I would be feeling a lot more than "over-sensitive".
But this seems more like thoughtless than deliberately hurtful behaviour.
As you well know, the only thing to do is to smile & carry on. I think the phrase "man up" should be adapted to "gran up", which is certainly what you are doing.
Lucky kids & gcs to have you around.

Baggy Tue 23-Aug-11 13:17:59

Don't be upset about it, grumpy. It's not worth it when you have a lovely new GD to love. He probably didn't mean to be insensitive, just didn't think in his excitement to tell the whole world. As glass says, you get to see the real thing, not just a picture. smile xx

Grumpyoldwoman Tue 23-Aug-11 13:21:55

Thank you, you lovely lot ..I just needed your wise words to put everything into perspective !! Bless you xxx

GoldenGran Tue 23-Aug-11 13:39:24

oh Grumpy, you brought tears to my eyes, of course he should have e-mailed them to you first.Have a huggrin

glammanana Tue 23-Aug-11 13:42:28

How lucky are you to have a new GD and what a nice name,men don't really think do they but they are lucky to have you in their world,many congrats x

absentgrana Tue 23-Aug-11 15:02:16

Facebook generation. The assumption is that everyone who is anyone uses Facebook and you don't have to worry about sending pictures to individuals. He'd soon know it if you were a virtual Grumpyoldwoman doing virtual ironing and virtual caring for the grandchildren. Just thoughtlessness – don't let it get to you. Congratulations on the new member of the family. smile

grandmaagain Tue 23-Aug-11 15:05:58

congratulations on your new GD!!! smile wine and forget about SIL!

greenmossgiel Tue 23-Aug-11 15:10:20

Congratulations! How lovely - bless her wee cotton socks! Put it behind you - just thoughtlessness, no doubt. My granddaughter's partner is the most bad-mannered person I've ever met. He's always pleasant enough to me, but I don't think he's ever said 'thank you' for anything I've done or given them. He had a different upbringing from 'our side' and is quite materialistic. That's his problem but is a bit embarrassing for my granddaughter, though. hmm

Bellesnan Tue 23-Aug-11 15:54:30

Congratulations on your newest GC! I have the best s-i-l in the world but he and daughter will still put kids pics on Facebook only. It is a generation thing - everything goes on social network sites first.

Acheron Tue 23-Aug-11 15:57:59

Congrats and what a star you are to have done so much looking after the young ones and cooking, washing etc. You are a good person. I don't think you're being ove sensitive but in this oversharing age that's what the "kids" do now. FB first. Don't let it spoil your enjoyment of this happy event.

Oldgreymare Tue 23-Aug-11 16:01:10

Oh Grumpy, I feel for you....I had a similar situation over my son's wedding photos, didn't get our copies for 18 months and when they came they were in the form of a small booklet (Rather like the books of seaside postcards of years ago AND with pics of people we didn't know rather than family!)
Things are better now tho! Do heed the wise words of the wise women above, I festered for ages and it does no good!

Jacey Tue 23-Aug-11 16:37:10

Congratulations Grumpyoldwoman ...lovely news smile
Agree about SIL is an age thing ...after all everyone has a facebook a/c dont' they? confused
However are tired and over-stretched at the moment for a bit of fun out what the next insensitive things he is likely to do ...and start crossing them off the list you've made and smile each time!!

lucid Tue 23-Aug-11 18:24:32

Congratulations GOW.....on your new GD. I'm sure you must be extremely tired with everything you've done but don't let a thoughtless act spoil the enjoyment of your new GD.

Libradi Tue 23-Aug-11 18:39:13

Congratulations Grumpyoldwoman, my DH's niece had a little girl girl last night and the 1st photo's we saw of her were on fb. Not at all the same for us as for you being her Gran though and I quite understand how you must be feeling and would feel the same in your shoes but it just not worth worrying about. Your SIL was just thoughtless not to send a picture to you first.

You sound like a wonderful mum by the way smile

Zephrine Tue 23-Aug-11 18:47:36

Congratulations Grumpy Your SIL's a prat thoughtless young man, don't let it get you down. smile

harrigran Tue 23-Aug-11 18:56:17

Not unreasonable Grumpy, what an insensitive SIL. Trouble with us Grans, the more we do the more they expect. Younger generation seem to think we all have the same values too, like tell your mates the news first because that's who you are close to. Everybody is on FB in their book so why bother with individual photos. Only Grans understand the hurt things like this cause.

Grumpyoldwoman Tue 23-Aug-11 19:25:19

Thank you so much wonderful people make me laugh when I feel low. I am so tired I can hardly speak coherently !!
Haven't seen Martha yet as I was too tired to drive the 20 miles to hospital this afternoon with 3 wee ones. SIL's parents came to pick kids up at 3pm to take them home and jane may be getting home this evening...still waiting to hear ....thro' FB maybe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wine time !

greenmossgiel Tue 23-Aug-11 21:16:04

You have a nice rest! You deserve it, Grumpyoldwoman (which I really don't think you can be!!) smile

mrshat Tue 23-Aug-11 21:35:10

O Grumpy - I would be seething! However, I think it is a 'man thing'. They just don't think. Congratulations to you and don't let his insensitivity get you down or take away the absolute joy of meeting you new granddaughter - hugs! wine Celebrate!

grannyactivist Tue 23-Aug-11 21:35:44

Hi Gow, you should be sleeping now, not reading this, but my two penn'orth, for what it's worth, is that you have done a brilliant job. You are an amazingly helpful mother/grandmother and I'm certain that your daughter realises what a treasure you are. Your SIL is simply of the Facebook generation and I'm sure it's nothing personal or meant to hurt that he didn't think that perhaps you might deserve 'special privileges'. Rest up and look forward to seeing Martha

yogagran Tue 23-Aug-11 21:44:39

I would have been very hurt as well, but everyone here is right - the young just don't seem to consider other peoples feelings these days. I do hope all the messages in this thread have helped you and that you get some well deserved rest. Sleep well x

nanachrissy Tue 23-Aug-11 21:49:38

I agree with everyone else, you are a fantastic mum and gran,and when you have caught up on your sleep you will be able to put this out of your mind. He was just typically thoughtless!angry