I'm a Gran-in-waiting and need advice

laolao, reading your last post, I can see now why you feel uncomfortable. These are the kind of complicated arrangements my sister goes in for that I find exhausting just hearing about! But that's the way she does things. Ho-hum!

I hope all goes well for everyone concerned and I wish you all the best for your journeyings.

Forgot to add, that SILs parents are flying over to the UK at the end of October to spend 10 days "quality time before the baby is born " I just wish they would do it over the time of the baby's arrival so that they could fly direct from UK to SF, and DD could have that extra three weeks to adjust to motherhood and any little hiccups that might have occured.

Thanks for the advice you have all given . I am totally aware of the fact that there are another set of grandparents and that they want time with the new baby too and I'm delighted for them to have it, they are lovely people and just as excited as we are about the arrival of a new family member.

I don't actually live in the UK - my DH and I live in Beijing and 10 days before the due date I am flying over to support my daughter as she has asked me to do so, and DH will follow. She needs help not just with the baby/birth etc but also to get their house ready for vacating prior to moving to SF, there will not be anywhere for me to sleep there so I am booking into a B&B nearby. She and Sil have said that once the baby arrives they want some time on their own - perfectly understandable so I will then push off and spend time with my elderly mum; anyhow the up-shot is that I will have far less time with her than you probably thought. If this were her 2nd or 3rd child I would have no real concerns, it is the timing so soon after the birth that worrys me, mostly for my daughter I must admit as I know the baby will probably sail through it all.

Oh and the baby is a boy

I am also a long distance grandparent but so far only in europe. I agree with the others that both sets of grandparents are important to the children and sil's parents are just as keen to see new baby as you are. If your dd and sil are happy to do the long flights then you just have to be happy for them. Babies travel better than toddlers as they sleep more. Enjoy what time you have with grandchild when he or she is born.

Hello! Have they checked the airline regulations and their travel/medical insurance?
For such long flights, stuff like post-natal checks & baby immunisations may need to be in place. I don't want to say exactly what as different companies have different rules, but I think as they will be sailing close to the standard "6 weeks" it is worth checking.
It may then provide a perfect reason to organise things differently.

Hi laolao Welcome to gransnet. As grandparents we do have to accept our childrens choices even when we are worried. Young women today seem to cope much better with the birth of a new baby and life chages than we did. I was surprised to see my daughter taking her baby to visit friends 3 days after a c section. I hope everything goes well for your daughter and that you have plenty of opportunities to enjoy your grandchild.

Oh Laolao, I do sympathise. You have been plunged into the stresses and disapointments of shared Grandparenting and the baby is not even born yet!
You have to come to terms with the fact that there is another set of Grandparents out there, equally excited and concerned, equally ENTITLED to be involved with their grandchild. In the olden days, when people tended to live their lives and marry within a small area, it was usually possible for all the extended family to share in the big events - birth, birthdays, starting school, Christmas - of a child's life. Even then it could be fraught with jealousy arising ( My MIL declared at one stage to DH, but within my hearing, 'I wish you had married an orphan').

Today, with extended family scattered around the world and people changing continents for work I am afraid that the grandparenting has to be on a basis of taking turns, with as good a grace as you can muster. I am not overly fond of my SILs' parents, but do accept that they all love 'our' grandchildren as much as we do and that the DGC benefit from having a broad range of extended family. With this in mind and remembering how ever family occasion was so stressful for me as a young mum, I keep my thoughts to myself and go along cheerfully with whatever my DDs and SILs plan.

As to your particular dilemma, I too would be concerned about all that travelling. I am sure the baby will be fine but worry for your daughter should she have a difficult birth or C-section. Would it be possible for the Australian GPs to reverse the tickets and instead they come to the UK for 3 weeks? - meet the baby, allow time for your DD to get packed up for a year away?

My daughter flew from New Zealand to the UK with her first baby but otherwise on her own when he was a couple of months old. He did not like the portable cot thing that the airline supplied and she had a bit of a tough time, getting very little sleep herself. She has since flown here with her husband and two younger children (aged two and three at the time) and that was pretty exhausting too. I would recommend a halfway stopover, even if it's only in an airport hotel, to allow a bit of recovery time.

Travelling with tiny babies easier than crawling and toddling babies it appears. And as long as there is no medical reason not to fly, then the cabin crew will be as helpful as possible. If there is a medical reason not to fly the insurance company may refuse to pay up (they are good at pleading "pre-existing conditions") , but that their problem not yours.
I can understand you fretting about this, as I'm sure you would like to be able to support her for as long as possible after the birth, but the deed is done and once the money is handed over there is no going back on the deal.
One of the hard things for many new grandparents is that there is competition from the other grandparents. Is this ever an equal relationship? Parents of sons often feel they have to take second place for instance or sometimes one family is better off and gives more in the material sense. While the Sydney grandparents may not have your feelings about wanting to take care of your daughter, they will feel just as strongly about the baby.

There are lots of us on gransnet who have far-flung grandchildren so I hope you will find it a good support network.

Does it upset you that some of your first precious weeks with your grandchild in the UK seem to have been taken away from you by the in-laws? I hope that when your family is in SF you will be welcome to visit as often as you like , or can afford.
I think the baby will sail through the travelling although the adults may find it harder that they expect.
I hope all goes well with the birth and after - enjoy the moments you have, and look forward to their return, hopefully, a year later. There are years of fun ahead for all the family.

If your daughter is happy about the arrangements, I think you'll just have to grin and bear it, laolao. She may sail through it all without any problems or, if problems that she didn't foresee do arise, she may still manage just fine while accepting that perhaps things could have been easier. I did all kinds of things in my youth, with and without babies, that would give me pause nowadays. What seem like probelms to older people often don't seem like problems to younger people. They have youth and energy on their side.