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Personal space

(96 Posts)
goldengirl Thu 01-Sep-11 17:30:11

Personal space is important to me.
When I’m in my study I don’t mind being interrupted for a reason but I don’t like people coming in without knocking
I don’t mind showing anyone my prized possessions, but I don’t like them being touched without permission
When I’m quietly getting on with something elsewhere in the house, I don’t like people wondering out loud where I am when it’s not urgent
I love hearing news but I don’t like people trying to talk me through the bathroom door.
I don’t mind sharing designated areas but I don’t like encroachment on to what I consider mine

Is personal space important to you?

Bellesnan Thu 01-Sep-11 18:09:41

It is when I am trying to put a message on Gransnet and other half wanders into study and fiddles around in some corner while I know very well that he is trying to see what I have written.

HildaW Thu 01-Sep-11 18:13:46

Goldengirl......I suppose I have a few rules about how accessible I like to be but have never realy thought about it in this way. I suppose a lot of it boils down to people respecting each other and abiding by a few basic good manners.
My list (in no particular order) is.

People not pressing up against me in the supermarket queue and then not allowing me to pack my stuff up and pay without them being right up my armpits. I am a fast packer, honest!

I dont talk to anyone ever when I'm in the bathroom or loo (I have developed a complete deafness for those rooms)

I like to get dressed for something special on my own without husband popping in to fetch something.

If I am reading something really page turning I dont like being interrupted for just idle chit chat.....ditto if watching something really gripping on tv.

Really, I am not anti social.....just enjoy a bit of peace on my terms!

raggygranny Thu 01-Sep-11 19:09:41

Personal space is really important to me too and I get stressed if I am surrounded by people expecting me to interact with them the whole time. It is bliss to shut the door on everyone occasionally!
I especially dislike: being interrupted when reading (unless it's an emergency)
Being followed around when I am trying to get on with something in the house
People going into my bedroom or study without asking first.
So yes, goldengirl I am with you on this one!

artygran Thu 01-Sep-11 19:11:14

I said that if we ever moved, I wanted a house big enough to have somewhere just for me. To paint, to loaf, to read, to hide. So we have found a house with just such a space - and suddenly, everyone is laying claim to it! "When you move, GS can have his toys in THE SPARE ROOM". "We could have a gym in THE SPARE ROOM". "We could store X,Y or Z in THE SPARE ROOM!" Yes, we can have a barricade in front of THE SPARE ROOM with me on the other side of it! Forever!! I too want a bit of peace on my terms HildaW! Good luck with that!

Grumpyoldwoman Thu 01-Sep-11 19:36:35

Because my OG and I are together all the time ..I really need time to myself ..I have my own bedroom and this is my sanctuary when DH has gone to bed.( He is on 02 constantly and on a Bipap machine at night so there is no way I could sleep in the same room.)

I hate people coming too close when talking to me ...I feel trapped and I used to love having the house to myself..although that never ever happens now.

I actually like my own company ..but have friends who need to be with other people all the time.

Jacey Thu 01-Sep-11 21:20:00

Personal space and personal time are very important for everyone's mental and emotional well-being ...we should all find time and space for ourselves everyday.
That goes for everyone under the shared roof smile

harrigran Thu 01-Sep-11 22:38:05

Personal space is important.
DS said the other day "when you get the extension finished you will have spare rooms, you could set up the train sets for the GC" Can I heck as like, they want train sets, put them up in their study not mine angry

Annobel Thu 01-Sep-11 23:03:14

Personal space is great unless you happen to have too much of it. If you're so keen on it, try living alone.

Joan Fri 02-Sep-11 02:35:42

Never get the house to myself, alas.

Often have to explain my whereabouts.

Often get interrupted when reading.

Often get called in when in the garden because 'I'm overdoing things'


If one day I scream and run and run and run - everyone will wonder why.

susiecb Fri 02-Sep-11 09:07:38

I do agree with you ladies about the impratnce of personal space and its something I have had to get my husband to learn about. In our early years he thought I had gone off him and ddint want to be with him when I took a few days holiday from work to be on my own. once we retired i felt very claustrophobic with him here all the time and he loves being together and doing evertything together whereas I need a balance. The house we retired to was much too small and we moved to a cheaper area so we could have more space. Now I say when I need time alone I enjoy writing and like the study to myself to do that. I also like to shop alone so we go together split up and then meet up for coffee later.

greenmossgiel Fri 02-Sep-11 09:29:47

I value my personal space very, very much. When I worked this was fine, because a lot of the time I had the office to myself. When I did a bit of freelance work the front room was made into a wee office for me, and I spent a good bit of time in there even when I didn't have work to do! Now I'm completely retired, I really sometimes do crave 'aloneness'. Annobel, perhaps what you commented on is not 'aloneness' but loneliness. It's not something anyone would choose to have foisted upon them. DH works happily in the garden, which is quite large. Occasionally he will go out for a long walk, or to motorcycle events and these times I relish because I can be by myself. Other than that I can only be alone in the bathroom! I, like many have already mentioned, cannot stand it if people are too close too me - I also find now that I don't like to be where there are crowds of people. They 'bother' me!

Charlotta Fri 02-Sep-11 10:20:49

I want my own bed! I've had it now for over 10 years and the biggest bedroom as well. I even want single rooms on holiday. We are happily married believe it or not because I am happy.

HildaW Fri 02-Sep-11 11:06:21

Charlotta........good for you.......I have often thought about this...and have several excuses why have not done so. I dont see it as an admission of anything amiss, if its a joint decision as it were. If folks raise an eyebrow, thats their problem. Am certainly with you on the shopping alone Susiecb, and I am quite happy to prop a book up and have a leisurely lunch (that I've not cooked) is a cafe.

greenmossgiel Fri 02-Sep-11 11:34:08

Separate rooms are a something I would welcome too! The utter luxury of flitting through during the night to the front room, which is no longer my 'office', but a calm place with a single bed piled with cushions and and a luxurious but ancient eiderdown. Any excuse (DH's snoring is a good one, because he doesn't know he's doing it, and in fact sometimes he hasn't), takes me through there. Peace, silence and just ME! smile

nanny1 Fri 02-Sep-11 11:46:31

Well said Jacey _ I agree with you whole heartedly.

JessM Fri 02-Sep-11 12:09:13

It was Virginia Woolf wasn't it that talked about the need for "a room of one's own." i.e. if you want to write ?

Libradi Fri 02-Sep-11 12:25:56

Since the family have all flown the nest I love the luxury of having two spare bedrooms. I go to bed with my husband but very often end up in one of the other rooms in the morning, especially when he keeps me awake with his snoring and sleep talking.

Elegran Fri 02-Sep-11 12:30:21

I remember reading a long time ago something about a study of the different sizes of comfortable free air space that people needed between them and others. They found that many of those in jail for assault needed a bigger space than normal, or they became violent, and concluded that the original assaults were probably influenced by them feeling crowded.

I daresay I have the details wrong, it was a long time ago, but I can relate to the principle - if you feel hemmed in you are less patient.

HildaW Fri 02-Sep-11 12:52:02

Elegran......sounds about right to me. Explains why sometimes the bed feels very small and I could strangle anyone that invades 'my' side and then on a very few feels very very big (when I need a hug) and he's snoring away sleeping the sleep of the innocent! The trouble is its all so unpredictable, even more so the older I get and he still gets it wrong and is then quite bemused.

milkflake Fri 02-Sep-11 12:59:12

We have had our own rooms for a few years now, mainly because of snoring!

I have the big one with ensuite and love going off to bed and closing the door, I can read when I want I can set the alarm if I want or equally turn it off smile If I dont put my shoes away no one but me is going to trip over them! A good nights sleep is conducive to a happy marriage!

JessM Fri 02-Sep-11 13:24:01

Twitchy legs is the thing that drives me into the other room. They are rather large muscular legs and it can be a bit like sharing a bed with two twitchy labradors. I am working on telling him that he needs to remind his legs, just as he is dropping off, that it is time for them to sleep too. Seems to be working to some extent. Then there are my hot flushes that are declining but oh so slowly. Combined with his metabolism that kicks out a lot of heat. Bad combination. Before he got fit it was the snoring.
But last night it was my uncomfortable legs that were the problem at 2am. Penalty of taking exercise and perhaps not doing enough stretching...
Here is my current sleeping compromise - I start the night wrapped in my own microfibre blanket . If i get cold at some point i can snuggle under the duvet with him and benefit from the hot water bottle effect. Seems to be helping. Blanket os fast acquiring status of official "comfort blanket". They are really light and soft on the skin.

glammanana Fri 02-Sep-11 13:27:21

I can spend a week indoor's in my own company when the fancy take's me I really enjoy my own company even DH give's me a wide berth and let's me do my own thing,I hate to be disturbed when I have gone to bed early and my downstair's neighbour fancie's a chat and the next morning I haven't a clue what she was chatting about,I enjoy window shopping on my own and many a time have gone to town and just browsed about and not spoken to anyone,the bathroom is the favourite place and family know that it is on their own head if I am disturbed unless there is nuclear fallout predicted,but apart from that I am a very sociable person.

raggygranny Fri 02-Sep-11 15:00:01

Oh yes, the bliss of separate bedrooms! It was DH's idea a couiple of years ago because we were both having to get up in the night to go to the loo, and disturbing each other. Needless to say I jumped at the idea! And we both sleep much better as a result, and are less tired in the mornings. When the kids left home I was working from home so converted the smallest bedroom into a study/office. Now that I am almost retired (still take on the occasional freelance job) DH uses it as well but I must confess it feels as though he is invading 'my' territory.

harrigran Fri 02-Sep-11 16:44:43

I would love my own bedroom for all the reasons already stated. DH doesn't want to know, how could I possibly care so little that I want to sleep on my own ? Before I got married I had to share a bed as well as a room, with my sister, and I did not enjoy it. I left home at 18 so that I could have my own room in a nurses home.