Gransnet forums



(31 Posts)
olliesgran Sat 10-Sep-11 13:36:07

We have Daughter and GS living with us. GS is 16 months. Lovely baby, likes a lot of sleep, full night (7.30-6) + 2 naps a day, eats well. D decided that 2 naps was the reason GS got up a 6 am, too early for HER to get up. So she has been trying to only let him have 1 nap per day. She has succeeded, as he now wakes up at 7 am. But the new routine means that he is too tired at meal times, and food battles have started. D think they are inevitable, as all her friends are going through this, we firmly believe that a tired baby is a recipe for disaster as far as meals are concerned. I have kept my mouth shut so far, but any suggestion as to what, if anything, I could say? It breaks my heart to see so much anguish for both of them, for no reason whatsoever. What's wrong with 6 am waking time? And he keeps himself amused in his cot for up to 45 minutes, without crying!

grannyactivist Sat 10-Sep-11 13:44:06

I always say what I think and mostly my DD takes my advice (although not usually immediately - she often needs time to think through what's been said). I would suggest that you talk to your daughter about your concerns. Hard I know, but then we grannies have to accept that having offered advice we must leave it to our grandchildren's parents as to whether they accept it or not.

greenmossgiel Sat 10-Sep-11 14:04:45

ollliesgran, I agree with you - there's nothing wrong at all with a 6am wake-up time and 2 naps during the day. He's sorted himself out that way and it works for him. Having 'food battles' are going to be more tiring for him and if he isn't eating at his usual times, he's going to be out of sorts anyway. Maybe a gentle 'nudge' to your daughter suggesting what you already think? As grannyactivist says, often the advice isn't acted upon until thought has been given to the suggestion, but we know that already, don't we! smile

olliesgran Sat 10-Sep-11 14:24:48

Thanks to you both, grannyactivist and greenmossgiel, you confirm what I feel, but with D living with us, I have to be careful to give her space. But I will have to let her know how I feel. Difficult, as D is very touchy and see all advice as criticism. Still she is a good mother, with her baby's welfare at heart, so if she think about it, she might take it on board. Or at least, give it a try. We'll see.

Granny23 Sat 10-Sep-11 14:29:53

Later morning waking is usualy related to a later bed time. Perhaps you could use the forthcoming clock change to introduce the topic, suggesting that you start now, gradually pushing back bed time so that there is not a single big change in October. I feel for your daughter too as I presume she is, like me, not at her best in the early morning, but dropping day time naps too soon is not the answer. My DDs had their naps regularly but had a late bedtime, allowing more time with Daddy, while I tidied up and a morning wake up time of 8.00am - much more civilized for me.

olliesgran Sat 10-Sep-11 17:23:40

No, she isn't at her best in the morning, but to choose between early rising, and a tired baby at meal time, I know which I would choose! It isn't so much the time he goes to bed, as the length of time he can stay awake between naps, and happy. After 3 or 4 hours awake, he needs a rest. So awake at 6, nap at ten, then nap again a few hours after lunch. That way, he was happy at mealtime. Now, if no nap in the morning, he is really tired and grumpy by luchtime, or if he naps in the morning, he is too tired by tea time.

Nanban Sat 10-Sep-11 20:57:48

Oh dear. Leave well alone. Poor mum must be struggling with living with you however lovely you are; stressed with baby; let her find her own way.

olliesgran Sat 10-Sep-11 22:26:58

I think that's what I'll do in the end nanban. I made mistake with my kids, but there were no witnesses! I know she'll see the way, she is a good Mum. It's just not easy, seing it all. Was nice to get other people's opinion though. Thanks all

glammanana Sat 10-Sep-11 22:43:49

How lucky your DD is to have you at hand olliesgran and I would also say leave well alone at the moment just pop in the occasional tit bit of advice when you think it is needed letting your DD think it was her idea in the first place,she is very lucky that her DS is sleeping all night as that DS1 of mine was awake every 2hrs until the light of my life was over 2yrs old,he now has problem's getting his back of the bed but that's another story.xx

olliesgran Sun 11-Sep-11 12:23:45

Had the same thing with my DS, cried every couple of hours at night untill he was 3. Can't remember anything of life at that time, as I had 2 other young children to take care of, no going back to bed in the day! When I look at pictures of that time, it's all new to me! With the first 2, I remember the clothes, where I bought them ect.. with DS, a blank! I must have been on automatic pilot. Still they all survived!

Annobel Sun 11-Sep-11 12:37:39

DS2 didn't sleep through the night until he was 4. At some ungodly hour, he would appear beside our bed and creep in beside me. He always went back to sleep and I'd return him to his own bed. Now his DS2 is doing the same to him. Chickens coming home to roost.

bikergran Sat 17-Sep-11 17:24:12

lol Annobel its called the revenge lol....daughter did not sleep properly until she ws 5! ..used to spend most of her "evenings" with us in bed! now she ahs 5 yr old grandson doing exactly the same...that brings to my next question!! which I will start anew topic on unless I change my mind...hmm

glammanana Sat 17-Sep-11 17:39:59

When DGs1 went into his first bed he used to get up in the night and go asleep anywhere he found comfortable,he would slide down the stair's on his bum and make himself a bed on the settee or under a table,we ended up putting a bell on his bedroom door so we would wake up,we had to put lock's on all the outside door's at the top just in case he escaped.

GoldenGran Sat 17-Sep-11 18:15:16

My step-son was found several morning curled up in a ball with the family dog in it's basket.

Jangran Sun 18-Sep-11 15:06:20

What exactly is the right role for a gran to her daughter/son?

I always liked Walter Bagehot (1865) description of a constitutional monarch's rights in relation to her ministers. According to him, she had the right to "listen; to encourage and to warn".

It is not a bad precept for a gran. Most things don't really make much difference in the long run (listen); many mothers get worried that what they are doing with their child might have dire consequences (encourage), whilst there is the odd situation where a more experienced mother might have to step in in her grandchild's interest (warn).

olliesgran Mon 19-Sep-11 19:12:10

good one Jangran, I will remember it. As you say, most things don't make much difference in the long term, it's just that when you see it happen (GS and DD live with us), and meal times are needlessly turned into a battle ground, it's hard to say nothing. Still, we weathered that storm, waiting for the next one!

Grannylin Mon 19-Sep-11 20:06:06 hit the nail on the head when you said we had no witnesses...I cringe when I think about trying everything to make my first son have rigid 4 hourly feeds with regular sleep patterns and once resorting to trying to hypnotise him by swaying a gold cross and chain in front of his little face!

Jangran Sun 16-Oct-11 15:34:02

I actually think that food fights might be an example of an occasion where a warning might not come amiss. Just one warning, though.

SueWarks Wed 08-Feb-12 19:40:15

I have just started looking after my grandson one day a week but am really struggling to get him to have a nap! My daughter has got into the habit of cuddling him until he goes to sleep and no-one else will do, any suggestions? The only way I can succeed is to take him out for long walks and he will eventually drop off in his pushchair but this is not always ideal if the weather is bad.

lucid Wed 08-Feb-12 19:45:58

Try using a piece of your daughter's clothing or something that smells of her....hold it between you and GS and cuddle until he sleeps. Doen't always work but worth a try. smile Best of luck

Seventimesfive Wed 08-Feb-12 20:52:29

I cringe when I think of my eldest daughter's first birthday. I was determined that she would have a cake etc. but hadn't realised that she was tired. I went to the kitchen to get something and when I came back she was asleep with her head in a chunk of cream cake! Inevitably we all learn with our first child and I'm glad I wasn't observed on that one!

Annika Wed 08-Feb-12 21:26:03

We were looking after our grandson, he still liked an afternoon nap, so I suggested to him that he could cuddle up to grandad while I put a few things away and when I came back into the roon well, yes you can guess......... grandad was asleep but grandson was wide awake !

Carol Wed 08-Feb-12 21:59:01

Has he got some favourite toys or cushion/blankie that he likes to have with him in bed? Perhaps choosing a throw or duvet that he can snuggle inside might help, with curtains drawn, something soothing on the radio, a warm milky drink, and relaxing on the sofa while you read him a story or even watch the tv will make him drowsy? Hope you find something that works for you.

Greatnan Thu 09-Feb-12 05:59:39

There is an article in this month's BMJ about babies who cry a lot. Once all possible physical causes have been eliminated, there does not seem to be any answer but in some cases it is associated with behavioural problems in childhood. They haven't worked out cause and effect,but they have ruled out acid reflux.
My second daughter also woke virtually hourly for several years and was still getting into my bed at six years old. She was a very 'needy' child, needing constant reassurance of my love, which I was happy to give her, but from the way her personality developed it seems it was not enough. Some children are just born with the 'wrong' brain chemistry, it seems, which stops them being happy. My first daughter was what we call a 'chuckle-butty' in the family - always smiling and happy, and that is the way she is as an adult. I should have quite whilst I was winning!

Zephrine Thu 09-Feb-12 09:45:10

Cranial osteopathy can help a child who constantly cries for no apparent reason. I have seen some remarkable results with this. When you think of the pressures put on their necks and head when they are born it makes sense.