help!

I think a lamby body double was acquired as a backup at some stage on ebay. Lamby2 is still quite important at age 6.

Spot on Jess. One of my grandsons has two Mister Teds (the second was given to his brother, but he's attached to other soft toys). Mister Ted is a great stand-in as a source of security. When he arrives at my house, he hands over Mister Ted ('there you go, nana!' You can mind him') and gets him back when he's tired or upset, then Mister Ted accompanies him in the car seat for the journey back home, till he's needed again at bedtime.

If Mister Ted gets left behind, there's lots of reassurance needed until he's retrieved, so having two has ensured this happens rarely.

You don't say how old he is suewarks . Sounds like his mum has "made a rod for her own back" but most mums do that at some stage. The idea of having a teddy or blankie that he starts to associate with going to sleep is a good one. I think an early child psychologist called them "transitional objects" in other words they act as a stand in for mum. So it might help if she selects something that is portable, washable and preferably replaceable (If they get attached to one unique toy and then lose it when they are 2 or 3, it's a major bereavement!) - e.g. choose 2 small microfibre blankets or identical rabbits, swap them round so that they can be washed.
Then when she is cuddling him, always use the designated love object. Hopefully then in a little while it will become an acceptable stand in.
I am quite fond of lambie and peeshy, my GK's love objects, myself!

You know, I think some of us might have worked that out without the help of the BMJ .

The BMJ report was very tentative about cause and effect - but they suggest that it is possible that some underlying problem could be the cause of both continual crying in infancy and behavioural problems later.

Some children just need lots of cuddles and close proximity to their mum. One of my twin daughters cried constantly and was only content when I was nursing her, but she turned out just fine - a very happy, optimistic girl who takes life in her stride. I wouldn't speculate about personality development just because a child cries more or is in need of constant attention - there are too many variables that impact on their development.

Cranial osteopathy can help a child who constantly cries for no apparent reason. I have seen some remarkable results with this. When you think of the pressures put on their necks and head when they are born it makes sense.

There is an article in this month's BMJ about babies who cry a lot. Once all possible physical causes have been eliminated, there does not seem to be any answer but in some cases it is associated with behavioural problems in childhood. They haven't worked out cause and effect,but they have ruled out acid reflux.
My second daughter also woke virtually hourly for several years and was still getting into my bed at six years old. She was a very 'needy' child, needing constant reassurance of my love, which I was happy to give her, but from the way her personality developed it seems it was not enough. Some children are just born with the 'wrong' brain chemistry, it seems, which stops them being happy. My first daughter was what we call a 'chuckle-butty' in the family - always smiling and happy, and that is the way she is as an adult. I should have quite whilst I was winning!

Has he got some favourite toys or cushion/blankie that he likes to have with him in bed? Perhaps choosing a throw or duvet that he can snuggle inside might help, with curtains drawn, something soothing on the radio, a warm milky drink, and relaxing on the sofa while you read him a story or even watch the tv will make him drowsy? Hope you find something that works for you.

We were looking after our grandson, he still liked an afternoon nap, so I suggested to him that he could cuddle up to grandad while I put a few things away and when I came back into the roon well, yes you can guess......... grandad was asleep but grandson was wide awake !

I cringe when I think of my eldest daughter's first birthday. I was determined that she would have a cake etc. but hadn't realised that she was tired. I went to the kitchen to get something and when I came back she was asleep with her head in a chunk of cream cake! Inevitably we all learn with our first child and I'm glad I wasn't observed on that one!

Try using a piece of your daughter's clothing or something that smells of her....hold it between you and GS and cuddle until he sleeps. Doen't always work but worth a try. Best of luck

I have just started looking after my grandson one day a week but am really struggling to get him to have a nap! My daughter has got into the habit of cuddling him until he goes to sleep and no-one else will do, any suggestions? The only way I can succeed is to take him out for long walks and he will eventually drop off in his pushchair but this is not always ideal if the weather is bad.

I actually think that food fights might be an example of an occasion where a warning might not come amiss. Just one warning, though.

Olliesgran...you hit the nail on the head when you said we had no witnesses...I cringe when I think about trying everything to make my first son have rigid 4 hourly feeds with regular sleep patterns and once resorting to trying to hypnotise him by swaying a gold cross and chain in front of his little face!

good one Jangran, I will remember it. As you say, most things don't make much difference in the long term, it's just that when you see it happen (GS and DD live with us), and meal times are needlessly turned into a battle ground, it's hard to say nothing. Still, we weathered that storm, waiting for the next one!

What exactly is the right role for a gran to her daughter/son?

I always liked Walter Bagehot (1865) description of a constitutional monarch's rights in relation to her ministers. According to him, she had the right to "listen; to encourage and to warn".

It is not a bad precept for a gran. Most things don't really make much difference in the long run (listen); many mothers get worried that what they are doing with their child might have dire consequences (encourage), whilst there is the odd situation where a more experienced mother might have to step in in her grandchild's interest (warn).

My step-son was found several morning curled up in a ball with the family dog in it's basket.

When DGs1 went into his first bed he used to get up in the night and go asleep anywhere he found comfortable,he would slide down the stair's on his bum and make himself a bed on the settee or under a table,we ended up putting a bell on his bedroom door so we would wake up,we had to put lock's on all the outside door's at the top just in case he escaped.

lol Annobel its called the revenge lol....daughter did not sleep properly until she ws 5! ..used to spend most of her "evenings" with us in bed! now she ahs 5 yr old grandson doing exactly the same...that brings to my next question!! which I will start anew topic on unless I change my mind...

DS2 didn't sleep through the night until he was 4. At some ungodly hour, he would appear beside our bed and creep in beside me. He always went back to sleep and I'd return him to his own bed. Now his DS2 is doing the same to him. Chickens coming home to roost.

Had the same thing with my DS, cried every couple of hours at night untill he was 3. Can't remember anything of life at that time, as I had 2 other young children to take care of, no going back to bed in the day! When I look at pictures of that time, it's all new to me! With the first 2, I remember the clothes, where I bought them ect.. with DS, a blank! I must have been on automatic pilot. Still they all survived!

How lucky your DD is to have you at hand olliesgran and I would also say leave well alone at the moment just pop in the occasional tit bit of advice when you think it is needed letting your DD think it was her idea in the first place,she is very lucky that her DS is sleeping all night as that DS1 of mine was awake every 2hrs until the light of my life was over 2yrs old,he now has problem's getting his back of the bed but that's another story.xx

I think that's what I'll do in the end nanban. I made mistake with my kids, but there were no witnesses! I know she'll see the way, she is a good Mum. It's just not easy, seing it all. Was nice to get other people's opinion though. Thanks all

Oh dear. Leave well alone. Poor mum must be struggling with living with you however lovely you are; stressed with baby; let her find her own way.