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Need help, but...

(51 Posts)
crimson Thu 29-Sep-11 10:27:27

Sorry everyone , but need a shoulder to cry on. I need help with something over the weekend; nothing much and no great inconvernience to anyone, but no help sems to be forthcoming and, if it is it's rather grudgingly offered [not really offered as I've had to ask for it]. The S.O. and I do anything for anyone and put our childrens' needs before our own..friends, neighbours etc we totally go out of our way to help people. We offer help before it's asked for if we feel anyone needs it. Perhaps it's a learning curve. Sorry to whinge but I needed to let off steam a bit blush.

nanachrissy Thu 29-Sep-11 20:20:38

Yes, it was Supergran! There would be no shortage of helpers (maybe a bit doddery though!!)

nanapug Thu 29-Sep-11 20:35:47

So sorry that you feel sad at the moment "Crimson", however your post and many of the others, have made me feel so much better I am afraid. I have felt very low recently for exactly the same reasons, ie that My DH and I do and offer to do sooooo much but rarely get a word of thanks or help either. As much as lots of us seem to struggle with this it is very helpful to realise we are not alone. I actually threw my toys out of the pram the other day (which I rarely do) but I don't think things will really change!
Jacey I am so with you on the idea of going away for your birthday to prevent the apathy and lack of support for your birthday celebrations. Think I may try that one Christmas and see what happens. Don't get me wrong, I love my two DDs very much, but don't think they appreciate the help and support. Maybe they will when they are our age, bit late then though!!! So many thanks Crimson for opening up to us. It certainly helped x

glassortwo Thu 29-Sep-11 22:39:23

crimson I think the problem is we are all too independant for our own good, but it would be very much appreciated for one of our offspring to just turn up and offer to give instead of take.

Mr Harri how sweet.

em Thu 29-Sep-11 22:51:07

Such comforting comments. I do need a hand to tidy and clear my small but overgrown garden. Why is it overgrown? Because I have spent virtually every day for months helping DD's family and simply haven't had time (or the energy) to sort it out. Have mentioned paying someone to come in and do it and that was seen as a pretty good idea!

Annobel Thu 29-Sep-11 23:01:12

When DS1 comes on one of his all too rare visits, he always brings his toolbox. I wish they didn't both live so far away. I could be so much help to them with the kids and I do believe they would come to my help when needed. Crimson, do you actually ask your offspring for help? If you hint about needing their help, it is very easy to turn a deaf ear (or a blind eye). I assume that they ask when they need a babysitter or childminder.

Notsogrand Thu 29-Sep-11 23:02:14

em my next door neighbour needed help with her garden and had no family help available. I contacted our local Age Concern and they supplied a chap to mow and tidy on a regular basis under their Good Neighbourhood Scheme. They don't charge, but request a donation to cover petrol costs etc. Age Concern were happy to suggest what a suitable donation would be...I think it was £10 for a couple of hours work.
They don't only help with gardening, but have a list of volunteers with a range of skills to help out in the house, take people shopping or to gp appointments etc. It's a great service.

em Thu 29-Sep-11 23:53:48

Thanks notso. I actually did have a young lad in mind - the student son of a friend - but was making the suggestion to see if it might prompt a reaction and an offer of help from family. It didn't!

Baggy Fri 30-Sep-11 06:29:53

I think annobel is right and we should ask directly, such as "Since I've been helping out with childminding so much lately, I haven't been able to keep up with the gardening. Could you come over on Saturday and give me a hand, please?" The worst they can do is say no. If my kids nehaved like that I'd start saying no to them.

Fortunately, like annobel's son, they are in fact very willing to be helpful and often ask what they can do. Mind you, my house and garden always look as if I could do with a hand. wink

nannysgetpaid Fri 30-Sep-11 08:50:23

I've just shown my daughter this thread and she said that it was just like me. I do not ask for help and she said that if I don't ask how will she know that we need it. She does not like to keep asking us if we want anything because we may take offense and think she is interfering. Now we will ask . Isn't life complicated. grin

absentgrana Mon 03-Oct-11 15:42:01

crimson Did you manage stuff okay and did anyone help? I hope you're feeling a bit brighter now. [bunch of flowers emoticon when Tech gets his a** in gear]

crimson Mon 03-Oct-11 23:30:37

Everything's fine, thanks! We've been away for a few days and have met so many lovely people. Very much a case of 'the kindness of strangers'.

Nanban Wed 05-Oct-11 19:13:42

Does anyone else think that 'you only have to ask' is the point - how lovely if just occasionally help was suggested or offered - that's all it would take to make a huge difference. That would truly mean something heartfelt rather than an obligation.

peaches41 Mon 14-May-12 10:27:56

I lie awake worrying about my garden. The lawn is so long and the bushes have gone mad. I just can't cope with it and I live in a community where we have to take care of our gardens. I can't afford to pay £20-30 for a person to come and mow the lawn because they seem to think I want them every two weeks. A younger neighbour comes over occasionally and we tackle it together, but she's got arthritis and it's not always possible for her to come.

At my wit's end.

absentgrana Mon 14-May-12 10:39:34

peaches41 Do you know a school boy or girl who would be willing to mow the lawn regularly for rather less than £20–30? My eldest grandson (10) moans about doing it but does a god job and appreciates the extra pocket money.

peaches41 Mon 14-May-12 10:57:39

absentgrana - no, I live on a Retirement Park and there are no children here. I would be glad to pay someone a reasonable price occasionally.

Notsogrand Mon 14-May-12 11:02:03

Age Concern may be able to help peaches. There's a post up above about the help they can provide under their Good Neighbourhood Scheme. Worth a phone call?

peaches41 Fri 13-Jul-12 18:36:45

Sorry I've been so long in replying to all your kind suggestions, as I have been laid low with shingles and I'm only just now coming up for air sad

A really wonderful thing has happened. A chap on our Park who used to work has had to give up full time work due to illness, and he comes every fortnight and does my garden, mows lawn, cuts back shrubs, weeds, etc. for £10 each visit. The difference is amazing, and I can't believe my luck.

Annobel Fri 13-Jul-12 18:45:21

Good news, peaches, about the garden, though it's very bad luck having shingles. Hope you're getting better now. Haven't had it but I know it's horribly painful. Poor you. flowers

peaches41 Fri 13-Jul-12 18:56:13

Thanks so much Annobel - yes, shingles is awful. I didn't realise that it lasted so long, and my gp told me that it can last for years. Mine was in the scalp and neck.

crimson Fri 13-Jul-12 19:55:55

Poor you; you were probably a bit run down as well before you came down with it and it's very mentally debilitating as well. Glad you [and your garden] are on the mend.

peaches41 Fri 13-Jul-12 20:19:48

Thanks crimson, yes, feeling a lot better now.

As to my little garden - after my friend has done his bit I really feel as if I can get out there now and do a bit myself, knowing I can leave the heavy stuff to him.

crimson Fri 13-Jul-12 21:07:33

Know what you mean. It's like my house at the moment. In such a mess that I hardly know where to start but, when I eventually get on top of it it'll seem much easier. I'm lucky in that my garden is the sort that, if I feel like it I can spend days working on it, but if I don't have the time it sort of looks after itself. I'd forgotten about the birds all moulting at the moment;it was mentioned on the telly and then there was an article on here somewhere about it...they're all looking so bedraggled at the moment smile.

NfkDumpling Fri 13-Jul-12 22:51:10

Noooo - Supergran was ghastly!

Anagram Fri 13-Jul-12 22:59:41


Ariadne Sat 14-Jul-12 05:29:40

Anagram "Supergran" the TV series! Was that what your confused meant?