When my husband died recently one of my sisters in law was an absolute godsend, taking care of most of the arrangements for me. However, there is one thing which is getting to me and I just don't seem to be able to let it go. She is well known as a penny-pincher and it is a joke in the family that she has never paid full price for anything in her life. In my husbands family it is something of a tradition that at any gathering the brothers pay money "over the bar" to cover any drinks. Before he died, my husband told me he didn't want me to pay out any money for drinks (I am a very independent person and would probably have insisted on paying for all drinks if asked).
A week after the funeral sister in law rang to say rather a lot of money had been "put over the bar" and would I make a contribution towards it. When I asked how much had been spent she wouldn't tell me. I explained my husbands instructions and that I felt uncomfortable going against his wishes but that I would think about it. I later emailed her and said that I would contribution £150. She later emailed back to say "the boys" would cover it and not to worry about it. When I mentioned this to sister in law No. 2 she was furious and said none of the brothers would have asked for this money and that sister in law No.1 was probably trying to get back the money her husband had contributed.
Now my problem is that every time I think about it I start crying. I can't seem to let this go. I am very grateful for everything sister in law No. 1 did for me at the time my husband died but this is just eating me up. I haven't had any further contact with her since the funeral, although sister in law No. 2 is always ringing, emailing or popping in for a glass of wine or three and has been wonderful. I did suggest to her that perhaps I should send a cheque to sister in law No. 1 in any event but she told me if I did and the brothers found out it could cause a family split as they would find it hard to forgive sister in law No. 1.
So how do I let this go - I am crying even as I write this
Barrow Tue 25-Oct-11 14:23:55
glammanana Tue 25-Oct-11 14:43:16
gracesmum Tue 25-Oct-11 14:48:13
Barrow Tue 25-Oct-11 15:07:14
Barrow Tue 25-Oct-11 15:49:29
HildaW Tue 25-Oct-11 15:54:08
gracesmum Tue 25-Oct-11 17:02:14
gracesmum Tue 25-Oct-11 17:04:38
JessM Tue 25-Oct-11 17:05:41
Annobel Tue 25-Oct-11 17:29:17
bagitha Tue 25-Oct-11 17:33:06
HildaW Tue 25-Oct-11 17:39:47
Carol Tue 25-Oct-11 18:06:36
Sbagran Tue 25-Oct-11 18:20:48
Carol Tue 25-Oct-11 19:09:41
crimson Tue 25-Oct-11 20:06:36
grannyactivist Wed 26-Oct-11 00:30:16
Barrow Wed 26-Oct-11 09:57:38
Mishap Wed 26-Oct-11 11:12:33