Gransnet forums



(13 Posts)
marmar Wed 26-Oct-11 09:56:09

I have 5 grandchildren who I love dearly, I treat them all the same[age depending] they all have the same amount of money spent on them for birthdays christmas ect, they all get winter coats and boots bought by me and grandpops, they are all a delight, so why does one tug at my heart like no other, not even my own children made me feel like this one does, I feel sick if I think she is upset, I cannot bear her not getting / doing what she wants, even to the extream of actually thinking of changing my working hours to take her to school so she dosen;t get cold or wet [ I haven't done it] she is not a little one, nor is she the eldest.. but she only has to look at me and I melt - why???

absentgrana Wed 26-Oct-11 10:01:22

While we love our grandchildren equally and they are all precious to us, I think there are times when one or another is more likeable, interesting, appealing, joyful or delightful. This is perfectly natural and is likely to change at different times in their and our lives. Just so long as favouritism isn't actually manifest to the children, I don't think it matters at all. Melting is good and so are you for not treating your granddaughter more favourably than the others. smile

marmar Wed 26-Oct-11 10:11:24

thanks for that absentgrana [ hope that name don't mean you don't get to see your littleones ] you are right they are all precious and I love them all, they are all different and have loving ways that really to make us smile, they are a pleasure to look after and we do see them all a lot - I would never show favouritism, neither my daughter or daughter in law have ever said or hinted at anything [ and they would - trust me ] so it's not a case of loving her any more than the others, it's just how she makes me feel - strange, lovely, but strange

Mishap Wed 26-Oct-11 18:43:15

I have an extremely close relationship with one of my GC - he is like our own, I know him so well, and he and I share so many jokes and so much fun - he is only small (nearly 3). But they live nearby and he lived with us for 5 months when he was small as there was a house fire at his home and lots of renovations needed. We see him several times a week and have our own little rituals and games.
I have 4 other GC and sometimes wonder whether the others might feel jealous as it is not possible to hide our close relationship - but there does not seem to be a problem thank goodness. I love them all, but inevitably there will be a different relationship with each one - especially when some are nearer geographically than others.

JessM Wed 26-Oct-11 23:26:22

Each bond is different for all kinds of reasons I guess.
Does she remind you of someone else? Or of yourself?

granto7 Wed 26-Oct-11 23:38:52

I was present at the birth of one of my grandchildren and yes he is "special",but so are all the other little dollymixtures grin

duckysnan Wed 26-Oct-11 23:56:54

marmar i have the same feeling towards my elder grandson, the younger one i didnt see in his first years, so the bond isnt quite the same. the older one has my heart totally. i only see them on skype as they are in NZ.
i just want to protect him from all lifes harm and be there for any hurt or sadness that living brings and his good times too..i have never loved like i love this child and the years we have been apart rip through my very and him will never get that back..he loves me back..but just lately he seems more busy playing his games when i'm around .i feel i am far to intense in the time we spend..although we have shared so much good fun, and he likes to make me laugh. but as children get a bit older they sometimes become more serious...i would love to be there sharing his ups and downs...the younger one is a dear boy but he doesnt really remember me from when they lived over here.

Eleanorre Thu 27-Oct-11 22:48:04

A friend told me when our first grandchild was born that the first is always that but more special and so far I have to agree.

duckysnan Fri 28-Oct-11 09:44:44

Eleanorre that makes me feel a bit less guilty now! yes i loved his dad lots when he was a baby..but i worked then so you dont get the same time to think about your feelings...

maxgran Fri 28-Oct-11 11:21:57

I, too, have a grandson who I feel far more close to than the other grandchildren. He is only 4 but his personality and his humour are just wonderful. He asks lots of questions and we just get on so well and easily, like best buddies. I have to make sure I do not give him more attention when they are all together which is not easy !
He is not the eldest or the youngest.
My eldest Grandson is always extra special too because we did have a special relationship with him because he lived with us for the first 2 years of his life and was like our own child.

marmar Mon 14-Nov-11 16:42:08

Thankyou all soooooooo much for that, it has me feel so much better. I don;t feel as if I am the only one who feels this way and perhaps I am normal after all xx

jingle Mon 14-Nov-11 16:59:52

She has probably got more of your genes in her gene pool marmar.

Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 07:02:17

I find that my relationship with my ten grandchildren changes over the years. I was very close to my eldest (my daughter was a single mum, father disappeared, so I was her birth partner) - the relationship was not quite so intense during his teen years, but now he is 28 and very happy in his career we have become close again. Not physically, as he lives in London and I live in France, but he sends me a chatty e-mail every week and recently stayed with me when he had business in Geneva.
I have also found that I have become closer to the two grandchildren who have children of their own - they very much appreciate that I am just as interested in my great-grandchildren - love seems infinitely extendable down the generations!

We can't control our feelings, only our actions, so there is no need for anyone to feel guilty about being closer to one grandchild - they are people, with different personalities, and we are bound to find some more congenial than others.