I have been happily divorced for 32 years. I have had many relationships since then, but I have never come close to giving up my freedom. I married at 18 and stayed married for 20 years. In my day, it was unheard of for a girl to leave home until she got married, so I was 38 when I suddenly realised that there had never been one day of my life when I had been able to go out without telling either my mother or my husband where I was going, with whom, and when I would be back. My husband was not a bad man (if would have been easier to leave him if he had been a womaniser, a drunk, a gambler, or work-shy) but he was very controlling and did not like me to look too attractive. All our holidays were spent doing what he wanted, which was to rent a self-catering cottage or caravan so he could go fishing and boating, leaving me to amuse the two girls and do all my normal chores, except without the conveniences I had at home.
After my divorce, I lost a couple of stones, went blonde, got contact lenses, took a glamorous job abroad which meant I could afford lots of lovely clothes and was unrecognisable from the mumsy school teacher I had been.(Yes, I know there are plenty of glamorous school teachers, but I was not one of them!) When I returned to England, I started going to dining clubs and discos and weekends for single people - I did all the things I should have done in my teens. I had a couple of quite intense relationships but when the man wanted us to move in together, get married, or otherwise become committed I couldn't do it.
I am now living alone in a very beautiful place, able to travel extensively, with no responsibilities and able to do exactly as I like. The thing that irritates me is when well-meaning but totally insensitive friends say 'It is not too late, you could still meet someone - my aunt met her husband when she was 92' or words to that effect. This suggests to me thatthey think I am some desperate, lonely woman who can't find a man. I am also often told 'You must be lonely' when what they mean is that in my circumstances they would be lonely and they can't imagine anyone being difererent from themselves.
I don't know if I would have felt the same had I not married so young and had waited to find a more suitable partner, but I wish people would accept that some of us actually choose to live alone and like it that way!
Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 07:34:58
Carol Tue 15-Nov-11 08:05:10
susiecb Tue 15-Nov-11 09:06:10
Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 09:16:17
JessM Tue 15-Nov-11 09:17:16
greenmossgiel Tue 15-Nov-11 09:18:20
Barrow Tue 15-Nov-11 09:32:27
bagitha Tue 15-Nov-11 09:35:15
Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 09:41:04
glammanana Tue 15-Nov-11 09:42:29
gracesmum Tue 15-Nov-11 09:50:17
em Tue 15-Nov-11 10:12:16
Carol Tue 15-Nov-11 10:18:44
Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 10:23:15
jingle Tue 15-Nov-11 10:24:14
Gally Tue 15-Nov-11 10:25:05
jingle Tue 15-Nov-11 10:28:57
jingle Tue 15-Nov-11 10:29:28
Annobel Tue 15-Nov-11 10:39:47
jingle Tue 15-Nov-11 10:52:15
absentgrana Tue 15-Nov-11 10:53:34
Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 10:57:58
jingle Tue 15-Nov-11 11:02:03
Greatnan Tue 15-Nov-11 11:19:06
jingle Tue 15-Nov-11 11:47:12