Would this irritate you?

God! I bet that was irritating too!

Don't you think it's just a teeny bit odd that you can invite totally strange women to stay in your house, but can't entertain the idea of a man, even amongst your real life acquaintances, to share your bathroom for a few days?

Better happily divorced than miserable and married, you only get one life so enjoy it.
I have been with my DH since I was 17 so it feels as if I went straight from being a daughter to a wife without being me. Don't get me wrong I am not unhappy but I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had joined the QAs as I intended.

Oh definitely Harrigran.

What is the QAs?

Queen Alexandra's Nursing, jingle.

I love my husband to bits and hate to contemplate life without him but it's without HIM as a person not just a man. We don't live in each other's pockets and so have loads to talk about when we have our evening drink and dinner. I tell him where I'm going because I choose to, as he tells me (I think!) But, I also love it when he is out and the house is my own, which is much rarer since he became semi-retired.

To be honest I don't have many conversations as such with my DH. But if I get in a pickle, I tell him and he can usually sort it out. He sees things more clearly sometimes.

See, he has his uses!

Funnily enough, I had been contemplating this very issue just this morning.
Having been effectively single for about 15 years but now in the first, what could potentially be serious relationship since then, I'm not at all sure how much of my life I want to share!
I've just come in from a lovely walk along the beach on this glorious day, having stopped for my favourite toasted bacon and stilton sandwich and coffee at my favourite beach cafe, and treasured every minute of the solitude.
Many times when I've been out walking, I've thought how nice it would be to share the moment with someone special, but this morning I realised I actually preferred savouring the sun and the sea on my own!!
Last night we went to the cinema, which isn't something I would do on my own, but it struck me that I would have been just as happy watching a film at home by myself!
I am very comfortable with my own company, and am not someone who 'needs' other people, so if my potential OH ever wants us to move in together somewhere down the line - or heaven forbid - get hitched .... hmmm. Maybe I should say bye bye now and save us both that conflict!

Why end it NannaAnna? I know a few people who happily co-exist by living in their own place and sharing a few days and nights together every now and then. They are regarded as being in committed relationships. One very successful couple live at either end of a very long road. When she stays over at his house, she respects how he lives and vice versa. They've been like that for over 20 years and have no plans to change the arrangement.

Jingle, I am not sure what your penultimate post meant - but if you were referring to my ex-husband abandoning his children and never seeing his grandchildren - no, I didn't find it irritating, I found it pathetic. Fortunately, my daughters felt the same way. They had always found him boring, bossy and selfish.
And no again, I don't find it a 'teeny bit odd' that I should invite other women to be my guest - obviously we would get to know each other by private messages and phone calls before they came over. I am actually very sociable and enjoy company. I am afraid without knowing the layout of my flat you cannot really comment on the bathroom arrangements. I let my married friends use my flat whilst I am away in New Zealand. I don't have any unmarried men in my acquaintance.
I am very happy to agree that I am not a conventional person, but my family and friends seem to see that as a plus!

That's a good point Carol I think it's referred to as "living apart together" and sounds pretty good to me ;)
Greatnan I think you sound very content with your life, and who you chose to share your home with occasionally is entirely your business. Good on you for doing what makes you happy

Thank you, NannaAnna (I love that name!). I quite like the idea of having a man friend to go out with occasionally, especially for dancing, but as I now live in a very small French village and only go out in the evenings when I have guests staying, the chance of my meeting anyone is virtually nil. There is a myth that it is women who want to get married, but in my experience it was the men who were always keen for me to move in with them and make it official.
I did have a lot of fun with lonely hearts adverts and met some very nice men and also some real weirdos. I was very careful about only meeting on neutral ground in a public place. Funnily enough, my most successful advert, with about 120 replies was in Private Eye and said 'Do all male PE readers expect instant sex? If you would be happy to meet for good conversation and some outings, contact.....' Many of the men said they felt intimidated because some women seemed to expect them to want to be intimate on the first date!

kittylester I think you and I must have married brothers!! Like you my husband and myself didn't live in each others pockets. He had friends I didn't like and I had friends he didn't like, but when we were together we rarely stopped talking. In fact a few years ago we were on holiday and met another couple who when told we had been married for almost 40 years refused to believe it as they said they noticed we were always talking to each other. They had been married 10 years and had run out of things to say!! Have to say I found that rather sad.

I often went away with friends and he enjoyed fishing holidays with his friends. We were very close and his absence now is a hurt that won't go away.

It must be terribly hard to have found your soul mate and to lose him, Barrow. Your marriage sounds the kind I would have liked to have.

When I married my husband I was a secretary and he was an electrician.
I became a mature student at 27 and took an honours degree and then an MA. He never moved on and was very jealous if we went to parties and I got into interesting conversations with other people, even other women. If I wanted to listen to a lecture on Radio 4, or a classical concert, he would say I was just posing.
If you have seen Educating Rita, you will know exactly what I mean.
I have know couples where the man was much better educated and it seemed to work out well, but never where the woman had the better education, career or salary. (But I expect some of you have had different experiences).

Although my exH also had a degree, he hated it if I seemed to know more about something than he did. When we went out in the country, he would pontificate about geomorphology at great length (he was a geographer) which really turned the boys off. When he left me, his colleagues, as I later discovered, said that he left his brains behind. That made me feel smug!!

I think you are saying you were married to a man, Annobel (apologies to those of you with husbands who are 'new men'.

I want to lead a separate life, have my own friends, stay in our home AND remain on friendly terms with my OH?This is what I'm trying to achieve but I'm starting to think its impossible. Anyone else managed it?

A man who liked to think he was a 'new man' and even a feminist until feminism raised its head in his home! Our sons are a very different breed.

I hesitate to write on this thread, because I've experienced a very good relationship with my husband.
I had a dreadful childhood, but it is since I've been married that my life has turned around. He has championed my cause, supported me in gaining my education, is enormously kind and embraces my wish for independence, and is a good mentor for our sons.
I have given him many reasons to call it a day, but there he still is, and I value that enormously. The men in my life were dreadful when I grew up, and he has been able to show me what a good man can be.
I am weeping as I write.

Butternut - that's lovely. What a fine man he must be. Your saviour, indeed.

Oh Butternut

It is wonderful that this man restored your faith in men

Butternut you prove how resilient women can be, despite dreadful treatment. You have my admiration for being able to overcome a difficult childhood and maintaining a relationship with a kind man.

I don't know why you hesitated to pose here, Butternut - I love to hear of good outcomes. One of my daughters is married to a wonderful man and he is both her best friend and her lover, after 15 years of marriage. She had had a really bad relationship with a man who was 20 years her senior, and within a week of finally getting the courage to throw him out (of the house I had bought her) she met this gorgeous young man of 24 and it was truly love at first sight. He has been a great step-father to her four children and they have another two. He was a step-grandfather at 36. His parents also accepted the family with open arms and I was very relieved as I had been the only grandparent up till then. I can't wait to see them in New Zealand in four weeks!

Just because I prefer to be alone myself, it doesn't mean I don't want to see other people happy in whatever way they choose. I just want people to grant me the same freedom!

Greatnan, I guess I had your other thread in mind, about ocd to be honest. I wondered why you don't like men in your bathroom. (though I can see a point there. Not sure if I do myself actually )

Hi, I am normally a "lurker" on gransnet and haven't been brave enough to post. Reading Butternut's post reminded me how lucky I am too. We have been married for 43 years and in all that time my husband has been a great support, pushing me into doing an OU degree, telling me how great I was when my self esteem was very low and generally being a great friend. We have different friends and different interests but enjoy time together talking about them over a glass or two of red wine.

However reading some of the responses to Greatnan I wondered why when people get to the "granny" stage of life they are not more tolerant. Lets celebrate difference and be glad when people find what makes THEM happy!