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Not met granddaughter yet

(59 Posts)
jojo Fri 09-Dec-11 06:22:19

Our first grandchild was born 2 days ago & we thought we would meet her yesterday, but son & DIL have indicated they want a week to bond on their own & get into a routine. We are so upset as had rushed around yesterday buying cards,presents, flowers & hubby had made one of his special cottage pies to take round for them. I knew they didn't want lots of visitors straight after the birth but didn't dream this meant grandparents too. I had also saved lots of holiday time at work to help DIL but it doesn't seem I will be needed. (DIL's mum lives a long way away & cannot get to visit often, she has been told to visit after Christmas).
I didn't want to interfere but just pop in for an hour or so now & again to make them a meal, put some washing on or be on hand so DIL could have a relaxing bath or a couple of hours sleep. I don't understand as DIL had included me a lot during pregnancy by inviting me to ante natal classes my son couldn't attend & always encouraging me to feel bump when there was movement.
Also upset as we heard about birth by text rather than a call & also discovered they had announced it on FB many hours before bothering to phone the great grandma & great grandpa who were amongst the last to know!
I am yearning to meet the baby but I'm trying not to be upset & to focus on the wonderful years ahead we will have. Any advice from experienced grannies? (Please go easy on me - first post!)

maxgran Tue 13-Dec-11 13:32:24

When I had my first child I was terrified my MiL would barge in and try to take over ( she was like that) so we tried to impose a bit of restiction on visiting, however, we would never have dreamed of not letting her or my own parents come to see the baby in hospital.
Were your son & Daughter in law aware you had taken time off work ? Or what you planned to do for them ? Perhaps they were overwhelmed at your being so keen ?
It all depends on the personalities involved but I know I would have been heartbroken had I not been able to see any of my grandchildren within a day or two !

JessM Tue 13-Dec-11 14:12:57

When my Nigerian next door neighbour had her second I was interested to observe the tidal wave of older women that converged and started telling her what she should and should not be eating etc etc
We don't have established cultural patterns like this so nobody is quite sure who should be there at the birth, who should be looking after mother and baby following the birth and where fathers fit in. I guess this is because we have had some much change in our society. It does tend to lead to people having different expectations though. And affects the role of grandmothers...

supernana Tue 13-Dec-11 14:25:13

jojo...THREE hearty cheers grin thanks wine xxx

Nsube Tue 13-Dec-11 15:43:36

Jojo, when DiL had our grandson I didn't expect to be asked for a fair bit, but we were asked to come along the hospital the next day, which was lovely. She had her mum there and I do think it's very different with a daughter than with a son. We took heaps of stuff including a bundle of magazines, fresh berries, and lotions and potions for her. It was greatly appreciated as all eyes were on grandson.

chester21 Wed 14-Dec-11 14:15:00

hi jo jo hope u r well. i am not a grandmother but i am a dil i havent read through all the post but i wanted to put my thoughts down. when my son was born but i was the same as your son and dil and requested for no visitors while i was at hospital (6 days)and when we got home we never told anyone for 24 hours then invited the inlaws round a few days later. my son was about 10 days old when we received our first visitors. i know not everyone is like me but i couldnt bear seeing anyone apart from my birth partner and my oh, i was very sore and very hormonal and emotional i wanted to get things in place and know where everything was. I also didnt have the energy to make small talk and just wanted to stay in bed and get to know my son and get used to having the most amazing little bundle to care for. be patient jojo and you will reap so much rewards from your grand daughter and your son and dil. take care of yourself xxxx

gracesmum Wed 14-Dec-11 17:16:35

smile Happy for you jojo I am sure it was more than worth the wait!! It is hard to ask for help when you are an independent new parent, but I know that all I wanted to do when DD had her latest baby, was to help! It took a couple of weeks before she could admit she needed it and I was delighted to be able to give her the chance of a midday nap while I was there to give GS no. 1 lunch and keep an ear out for the baby!
You will have many many happy times to come with your little GD and I am so glad this has not cast a cloud over either your Christmas or your relationship with her parents.

Ariadne Wed 14-Dec-11 18:53:47

Oh good, JoJo!

Leticia Thu 15-Dec-11 06:04:25

Glad it has turned out OK. Lots of new parents are very 'precious' -I think that you have to think to the long term and 'go with the flow'.